


God's Not Here

by dirkygoodness



Series: Saving Grace [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: All OCs are angels important to the plot, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Art, Canon-Typical Violence, Changing POV, Digital Art, Fanart, Fluff and Angst, Gabriel gets resurrected, Human Gabriel, Just there for plot, Lots of Angst, M/M, Not my actual OCs, Rating May Change, Set after Sam is out of the cage and before he goes nuts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-21
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-31 14:23:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 35
Words: 46,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3981373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirkygoodness/pseuds/dirkygoodness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone brings Gabriel back to life, but he's changed. He doesn't know how to live like a human, or what to do with himself, and he can't stop the feeling that something is coming after him and the Winchesters.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>----------</p>
<p>The bathroom door opened and Sam raised his head, looking at Gabriel as he stepped out of the bathroom. He had a hand around his stomach again, but he was looking much better than he had been before. The residual blood stains that were on his face were gone, his hair pushed back into it's natural form. He'd changed into the shirt Dean had given him, but he held the pants in his other hand. Sam swallowed, sitting up straighter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wake Up

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be really long 
> 
>  
> 
> ~I'm trying to update at least once a month, but I tend to rapid fire update - so if I post six chapters and then nothing for awhile that would be why. Don't worry, I don't plan on abandoning this fanfiction and I will keep the story going. It just might take me a little bit to get new chapters up. Thanks for reading!!~  
>  
> 
> Sorry for inconveniences, misspellings, and any other mistakes I tried to fix as much as I could.

It felt like burning, or at least the angel equivalent of burning. It also felt like falling endlessly, always down into the darkness that was all around him. He just kept burning and falling, time seeming to warp around him.

He couldn't tell what exactly was happening, pain from the strange fire burning him clouding his mind. He could have been falling for hours, or minutes, or even an eternity.

Everything just went by like wind might, straight past and leaving no evidence it was there other than mussed hair. After what felt like forever, and no time at all, something was suddenly grabbing at him.

Phantom hands, reaching into his vessels chest and grabbing something inside of him. It was holding his grace, in a vice like grip, and even before the hands started pulling he knew what was going to happen.

He screamed, because screaming was all he could do against the unwelcome intrusion. Whatever it was that had him, it was pulling and ripping his grace out of him. It felt like someone was cutting out his heart while he had to sit and watch it happen.

It hurt, hurt because his grace wasn't meant to be ripped out of his body like this. Or, rather, at all. All he could do was scream, though, and so scream he did. He screamed with his vessel and his celestial being at the same time.

He screamed, until there was suddenly no pain and the phantom hands were moving. They were giving him comfort now, extinguishing the fire that had grown a moment ago. Almost like an apology.

But then the hand pushed, pushing his back and sending him up. Up, up and up and towards a massive wall of light. He closed his eyes, both sets, human and angel, and was thrust into the wall. He hit what felt like a brick wall - a brick wall of light.

                                                                                      ----------

Gabriel gasped, surging upwards and throwing his hands out on either side of him, searching for purchase. The vessels lungs burned, and it felt like it hurt. He realized with a wheeze that he was hurting with the vessel, hurting as the vessel.

Gabriel coughed, rolling onto his side. Pain creeped onto him again, this time in his stomach. He used his right hand, the one not underneath him, to grab at his stomach as he wheezed into the dirt.

It felt like someone had tried to carve a hole into his stomach with a butter knife. That was definitely not right, if everything else had somehow been. Once he got his breathing under control, the burn in his lungs ebbing away into a low ache, he lifted his head.

Gabriel looked, trying to figure out what was going on. He was lying beside a road, in what he figured was a sort of flattish ditch. It was dark, almost nighttime, and there were sounds of crickets around him. There was also wind, and he turned his face into it with a huff. It was strong, hitting him and taking his breath away.

He gasped, shivering as he felt suddenly like he was stinging all over and burning at the same time. He realized with a start that he was cold. The wind hade made him cold. Gabriel, Archangel of the Lord, was cold.

And lying in a ditch in the middle of a forest. He groaned, knowing that even in his head calling himself an Archangel wasn't right. It felt like something, something that made him that, was missing.

He shouldn't be called one if he didn't have the right stuff, the stuff that made you an Archangel. Grace made you an Archangel, an angel, and his was - he wheezed again, recoiling. He didn't have his grace. That was why he hurt, because his grace was gone, he was as good as human now.

Gabriel made a noise, a sort of pained cry, that would put a Banshee out of business. He knew why he was feeling off, because someone had taken his grace. He hadn't fallen, he'd know if he fell. He put a hand to his face, his breath shaky as it hit the palm of his hand.

He felt something wet under his eyes, and for a moment he thought he was crying. But when Gabriel pulled his hand away and looked at it, he noticed that it was red, human blood. His eyes were bleeding. He knew enough about humans to know that was definitely not right.

His eyes weren't supposed to bleed. Or, not in normal situations, anyway. But then again, nothing about this was normal. Gabriel closed his eyes, realizing he'd probably have to go to a human hospital too. Using the arm under him, he pushed himself up into a kneeling position.

That alone made him gag, pain so strong he was sure he'd pass out ripping across his stomach. He paused there, catching his breath and fighting the strange and foreign urge to vomit. Ha, his breath. Vomit.

That was something he never thought he'd have to think about happening to him. He put his hand down on the dirt, splaying his fingers and using his arm to take most too his weight.

Gabriel stayed like that, his breathing ragged and labored, for what felt like hours, it could have been minuted, however, and he wouldn't have known the difference. Without his grace it was impossible to tell time. He froze, a noise like a growling dog rumbling a little ways off.

He recognized it as a car as headlights burst through the almost dark night. He pushed himself up, standing as quickly as possible, attempting to get into the forest behind him.

It backfired, though, as pain so strong his vision went black. He tipped, crashing knee first onto the dirt before falling forwards. He only had time to think about how he was in too much pain, too much pain for an angel, before his chin collided with the ground and everything faded away.


	2. Omens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's POV

"Maybe it's a demon?" Dean asked, glancing over at Sam. He had his head resting against the back of the seat with a baffled expression on his face. "High level, like - like the yellow eyed asshat was. Omens, maybe?" Sam huffed, a sort of sound that meant he was thinking really hard. Or tired. Or maybe both. He had just gotten saved from being a soulless jerk.

"Maybe. But think about it, no one has died or anything. So far the 'omens' have been harmless. If a demon were here wouldn't it want to kill people?" Sam replied, crossing his arms across his chest. Dean shrugged. He guessed that made sense, in some strange way.

Since no one had died that meant it probably wasn't a demon. (They also hadn't found any trace of sulfur at either scene.) Somehow, though, that just made Dean more worried. If it wasn't a demon then he didn't know what it was, and he didn't like not knowing.

He rolled his bottom lip between his teeth, readjusting his grip on the steering wheel. Everything had been going quickly the last few weeks after Sam had come back. Dean, talking to Bobby and Cas about not letting Sam know what had happened. Getting his brother back into shape, and then taking him on a hunt because they both needed a distraction.

This was the third hunt they'd been on in four days and Dean was getting a little bored. It'd been Sam who found the last two, insisting they go and help. Sam sucked in his breath, shaking his head and successfully getting Dean's attention back.

"Then again, it could be that a demon is making deals here. With the good things happening, a demon could have easily been simply buying souls from people." Sam said finally, and Dean nodded. That actually sounded really reasonable.

"Yeah, that could be. We'll have to check around when we get back into town. Maybe there's some trail we missed, some clue as to what we're dealing with."

"Hmm, the we get food. I'm starving and - oh my god, Dean, stop the car!" Sam shouted, jumping up and looking out his window like he'd just seen a floating head. Dean slammed on the brakes, grunting in shock at what the hell was going on. The second the Impala came to a stop, Sam was already up and out of the car. Dean cursed, unbuckling his seatbelt and getting out as well.

He watched as Sam ran off towards a - there was a body on the side of the road. Dean blinked, before cursing again and popping the trunk. He pulled out a small first aid kit and his gun, before turning back around and following his brother.

By the time he got to him, Sam had already turned the guy over and was staring at him with a sort of bewildered expression. Dean frowned, brow furrowing as he came closer slowly.

"Sammy, what the hell-?"

"It - it's Gabriel." Sam muttered and the only reason Dean heard it was because he'd moved closer. Sure enough, the body looked just like Gabriel had. Except, without the knife in his stomach and this time his eyes looked like they were bleeding.

Dean blinked back his initial shock, and did a look over of the Archangel. He looked terrible. His eyes were shut, bleeding, and he was clutching his stomach for dear life. And that was a feat, considering Dean suspected he was unconscious. Dean knelt down beside his brother, eyeing the body suspiciously. 

"Shifter, maybe?" He asked, looking at Sam in confusion. Sam shook his head without taking his eyes off the Gabriel-look-a-like. "Then what? He's dead, dude. Like, really dead. Lucifer killed him for christ's sake. I don't think you can come back from something like that."

"I know, Dean, but it looks like him to me. And get this," He added, moving forwards and placing two fingers on Gabriel's pulse point. His fingers against his tiny neck was an interesting contrast. "he's got a freaking pulse."

"Uh," Dean said intelligently, moving back slightly. His day just went from normal level of weird, to just up right freaky. "a pulse? They don't need a pulse though, right? I mean, Cas doesn't have one. It's weird, but it's a thing." Sam nodded and then made a grab for the first aid kit. Dean moved it away though, shooting his brother a milk curdling look.

"Nope. This is my thing. You get to carry him back to the car." Dean said, smirking at the groan that awarded him. He turned back to Gabriel, though, giving him another once over. He couldn't see any wounds, other than the whole bleeding eyes thing.

Dean opened the kit, pulling out some gauze and using it to wipe away as much blood as possible. When it got down to nothing but what had dried on him, Dean poured some cleaner on the gauze and scrubbed it off.

He figured that if - or when - Gabriel woke up he wouldn't want to have his face covered in mostly dried blood tears. He then patted Gabe down, looking for any other wound that would be there.

He didn't find any, but he remembered something as he got to the other man's feet. Gabriel had been stabbed in the stomach. There might still be a wound. Dean moved the angel's hand, before pulling up the bottom of his shirt.

Sure enough, there was a hole in his stomach about the size of an angel blade. It wasn't really bleeding, but it looked really bad. Dean pulled out the needle and thread in time for Sam to grab his arm. "Dude, you need to sterilize that." Dean rolled his eyes.

"I know, Sam. It's already sterilized. I did all of that this morning before we left." He turned back to Gabriel, thanking whatever force had made him decide to be extra prepared today. Once he started stitching, Sam left his side and he figured he went to move the car. It was a little dark to see, but he'd worked in darker situations than this so he kept going.

When the last of it was done he grabbed hydrogen peroxide from the kid, soaked a cloth in it, and whipped down the wound. Gabriel let out a whine and he froze, getting ready to fend of an angry Archangel. Nothing more happened, though, and Dean sighed and put away the kit.

"Your turn, Sam." Dean said, leaning against the hood of his car. He guessed Sam really had moved it closer. Well, it would help with his part of the job. Sam opened the back door, before Going down to where Gabriel was. He put one arm behind his back, the other under his legs, and easily lifted the angel bridal style. Dean snorted. That'd be a fun story to tell Castiel.

"Alright he's in." Sam said finally, shutting the door behind him. Dean whistled through his teeth, moving down to the drives side of the car.

"Let's get back to the motel and - and we can sort this out when he wakes up." Dean stumbled over his words, not sure what to say. They weren't even sure of it was Gabriel, or just some really weird look alike. Or, it could be his vessel. Dean rubbed his temple, getting into the car.

He wasn't ready to think this much in one day. He hardly noticed Sam looking at Gabriel in the back seat, his face contorted in a mixture of worry, fear, and anger.


	3. Fallen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel's POV

He woke up screaming, not able to remember what he'd just been dreaming. Most likely, it was a good thing for him not to remember.

It would make things worse, and as he pulled himself into a sitting position - still screaming, eyes squeezed tightly - he could hardly remember his own name. All he knew was that something was wrong, that he hurt everywhere, and he needed to protect himself.

Phantom hands grabbed him, by the shoulders, and his breath went out of him so quickly it resembled a drowning man. This was wrong, because last time - last time the hands, they took something important from him.

What where they there to take now? He wondered. Did they want his life this time? He sucked in a deep breath, and screamed again. He thrashed, trying to keep the phantom hands away from him, and his eyes shut.

He didn't want to see what had him, because he knew it wouldn't be good. Something that at steals precious things couldn't look good. The moment his fist actually struck something, though, was the moment he really freaked out.

He pushed himself away, trying to kick at the unwelcome intruder but something was tangled around his legs. So he aimed, throwing all his strength that he had left into his punch and it landed square of what felt like a jaw.

So, the phantom hands weren't, actually, phantom, then. There was a grunt and Gabriel turned himself, curling arms protectively around himself like his wings used to do for him.

That's right, his wings. He'd lost them. He lost his grace. Someone took his grace. The monster had taken his grace.

Gabriel breathed quickly, fear lacing everything he did and he felt something warm and wet sliding down his face. _Must be more blood_ , he thought, ignoring it instead to move farther backwards.

His side collided with something solid, something like wood, and he only just then realized he was probably on a bed. How had he gotten into a bed, and when had he left the roadside?

The last thing he remembered was - a car, it's headlights blinding him for a moment. The need to get away from it. Then, then he'd stood up and his stomach had been so painful that he must have passed out. And, if he was right, then the people in the car were the one who'd taken him.

Gabriel wheezed, his lungs suddenly feeling overused and burnt up. So, it wasn't the phantom hands. And who he'd punched was, well, it was certainly human.

He wished he had his grace, wished he could sense the souls in the room to actually know what was going on. But he didn't, so he stayed where he was, trying to get the unfamiliar breathing under control.

"Jesus, are you okay, Sam?" A familiar, gruff voice said and Gabriel froze.

Why did that sound so familiar, and why did it make him feel like he wasn't actually in danger? In fact, if he was reading his emotions right, he was feeling suddenly amused. Gabriel's brow furrowed in confusion and he listened for more voices.

"Ugh, yeah, I'm fine. Is he-" A second voice, also familiar, trailed off. Gabriel thought, hard, trying to figure out who those voices belonged to. It hit him like a slap to the face, suddenly, and he whipped his head up so fast it hurt.

He opened his eyes, and stared at the two figures. It was blurry, probably from the blood, but he could recognize them now. He really knew who they were and he let out a strangled sigh of relief.

"Sam?" Gabriel asked, his eyes looking the longer haired Winchester over. He had a red mark to his chin, about the size of a fist, no Gabriel realized that, _ah, I hit Sam_.

Sam blinked, obviously startled,and he pushed his brother, who'd been pulling him into a standing position, off of him.

He stared at Gabriel for a moment, before he turned to his brother. Dean, that was his name, it was Dean. Dean was looking at him, at Gabriel, and he looked like someone had just pissed in his beer.

"He's crying." Dean said, his voice tight. Gabriel blinked, because what? He wasn't crying, his eyes were bleeding. How dumb was - he raised a hand to his face again, touching his cheeks before pulling his hand away. It was wet but it wasn't bloody, and he flinched in shock.

He didn't - angels didn't cry. He sure as hell didn't. So, why was he now? Gabriel looked back up to find that Sam had moved closer to the bed with his hands up in front of him, palm up. Like he was a startled animal.

And he probably was more dangerous that one, so he didn't blame Sam's actions. He looked back at Dean, then Sam, and back to Dean. The Winchesters. Winchester brothers. They were important, because they were Lucifer and Michael's vessels.

And because - because they restored his faith in humanity. And in himself. Of course, only to get killed right after. Gabriel bit his lip, forcing himself not to think of that. He want in the mood to relive his death. Right now he needed to worry about - well, the Winchesters.

"Dean and Sam. Dean and Sam Winchester, Lucifer and Michael's vessels." He said out loud, looking between the two. Sam flinched noticeably and Dean frowned. Ah, so he was right, it was Sam and Dean. Sm and Dean inside a... where was he? Gabriel looked around, to each wall in wonder and fascination.

A motel, and a shitty one at that. Gabriel frowned but didn't say anything. He didn't want to talk anymore, suddenly very weak, and besides. His throat hurt. As did his lungs, and his stomach. The vicious pain from before was gone but it still ached.

"Yeah, us. Uh, Gabriel, right? It is actually you?" Sam asked him, finally sitting down on the end of the bed. Gabriel didn't mean to but he flinched, and felt angry at his new human body when Sam looked at him like he'd kicked Gabe's dead puppy.

Gabriel nodded, tipping his head back until it thumped against the wooden headboard. He sighed, though, when Sam gave him a look that said he really wanted him to talk to him.

"Of course, yes, it's me. Gabriel. Brother to all other angels and just a little pissed of at being kidnapped by the Winchesters - and getting stabbed." He added with a wince, uncurling slightly to hook an arm around his stomach. Dean snorted and shook his head.

"That's him alright, Sam. Same old asshole." Gabriel grinned, a forced thing that kind of hurt his face. That was new. "The one and only." Sam watched him, skeptically, before nodding to the nightstand. Gabriel looked over at it with raised eyebrows.

"There's some pain meds, if you need them. Which I don't think you do, but since you have a pulse I'm guessing you might." Sam told him, and Gabriel turned back to him in horror. He had a what now? He had a pulse? Like, and actual human heart beat.

The thing that indicated life in humans. Which he wasn't supposed to be. Gabriel used his other arm, shoving it under the collar of his shirt and squarely on his chest. He waited, holding his breath.

 _Bub-bub. Bub-bub._ Gabriel let out a shriek, pulling his hand away like it burned him. "A heartbeat? I have - I have a heartbeat? I shouldn't have a, not this is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong." _Nononono_. This couldn't be happening. This wasn't happening, because he might have lost - had his grace stolen, but he still didn't want to be human.

This wasn't right. He looked at Sam with pleading, scared eyes that he would probably say was never a thing. But he needed help, and these two idiots were as good as he'd get. He breathed, deeply, before unfolding himself all the way with out even a single wince or grimace.

"Where am I?" Gabriel asked, his voice at least two octaves lower. Deans eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

"Nebraska. Just outside of small town called Albatross." Sam told him, voice full of all the patience in the world. It made something inside Gabriel flutter, against his better judgment.

"Where did you find me?"

"On the road." Dean added this time, crossing his arms. "You're eyes were bleeding, Gabriel."

"You could feel a pulse on me, and I feel one now." Gabriel said, looking up at Sam through his mussed hair. He only then realized it was a mess. "What do you take of that, Samuel?" Sam frowned, the use of his full name aggravating him, but he answered nonetheless.

"I think you've fallen." He said, voice stony and unreadable. Ah, well wasn't that swell. He supposed that what had happened, what he thought happened, with the grace snatcher was true. He was, somehow, human.


	4. Undead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's POV

Stranger things had happened in Sam's life than people coming back from the dead. Hell, he'd even come back from a few of his own deaths with nothing to show he'd been dead before. So he could understand that Gabriel might come back to the life, but that didn't mean he wasn't still skeptical.

Things like this always had consequences and so far nothing bad had happened. Sam was perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop in his life, so it wouldn't be that much of a shock if it happened now.

It would actually almost feel like a comfort, knowing that nothing weird had happened. Like some stronger power intervening because Gabriel had died. 

And that was strange too. He'd been dead for almost a year now, and he just now decides to come back to life? Why hadn't he come back sooner? It just didn't make that much sense. Gabriel could have come back much sooner, and helped, and a lot of their problems wouldn't have happened.

He sighed, looking out towards the direction of the bathroom where Gabriel was cleaning himself up. Dean had advised against a shower, not with his stomach wound, so Gabriel was stuck with the sink.

That didn't mean he couldn't fix his hair and what not. Right now, everything was finally calming down, just so that Gabriel could show up and ruin it? It didn't seem that fair.  
  
But then again, it wasn't fair to just tell Gabriel to get lost. He was hurt, and alone, and newly human. He'd also saved all of their lives when they'd confronted Lucifer in that stupid motel.

While Sam didn't know what Gabriel had said to Lucifer, or rather didn't see him die, he knew something had gone down. And with that video he'd given them he'd always just assumed he was dead. But he might have lived.  
  
And that, more than anything, was more reason for Gabriel to have been gone than sudden resurrection. Sam could understand someone being a dick, could understand Gabriel being a dick.

But random coming back to life, when it was obvious that it wasn't a crossroads deal, wasn't something Sam could get behind. He knew what happened when strange beings raised old friends. (Though Gabriel wasn't really a friend, more like a useful acquaintance.)   
  
He looked up when Dean laid a hand on his shoulder, looking across the room at the bathroom as well. "Gabe." Dean said, the word a name and question all in one. Sam nodded, before shaking his head. "He seems... kinda down. Also really tiny. Like, really small, and I remember him being intimidating. He ain't anymore. Also, Sam, he's freaking weak as hell now. That punch he threw was nothing compared to what Cas can do, and he's not even fully juiced up. He's also not an Archangel."  
  
Dean was right, about all of that. Gabriel seemed distant, wasn't making the stupid remarks he'd been when they'd met and talked before. And he was small, but Sam didn't really get a say on that. He thought Dean was small. He rubbed his chin, where Gabriel had punched him, and hummed.

That part was true too. He'd seen Castiel throw a punch, and it wasn't that wild, fearful,  _human_ punch that Gabriel had done. It had got to be one of the strangest things that had happened to him in weeks. Well, other than the whole coming back from the cage stuff he'd pulled. Sam frowned, dropping his hand.   
  
"This doesn't seem right, Dean. I mean, come on! I just get back from hell and then Gabriel come back to life, or out of hiding, or whatever it was he's been doing these last few months. People don't just spawn up out of the ground, Dean. Something brought him back." He eyed the bathroom door, biting his lip and really wishing he didn't have to say this last part. "Brought him back broken."

Dean moved his hand, sitting on the bed beside his brother. He had his thinking face on, so Sam left him to think. They both needed to do some of that. He wondered absently if Gabriel had anything to do with the 'omens' that had been going around lately.

They were all right beside where they'd found Gabe, and he was - had been - an Archangel. If anything from Heaven could pull off some strange omen shit than it would be an Archangel. But that still didn't explain how he'd come back to life. Hell, he didn't know if he had come back to live.

The bathroom door opened and Sam raised his head, looking at Gabriel as he stepped out of the bathroom. He had a hand around his stomach again, but he was looking much better than he had been before. The residual blood stains that were on his face were gone, his hair pushed back into it's natural form.

He'd changed into the shirt Dean had given him, but he held the pants in his other hand. Just as well, because the shirt made him look much smaller than he was. He'd guessed something like this would happen, and if he stayed with them then they'd need to get him some real clothes. After answers, of course. Sam swallowed, sitting up straighter. 

"Gabriel." He said, watching the other's reactions closely. Gabe blinked at him slowly, like he was tired, and it only then occurred to him that he was probably really tired.

But he didn't look like he wanted to sleep, so Sam didn't suggest it. Instead he gestured to the bed beside him, meaning for Gabriel to go over there and sit down. The other man did, but not before tossing the spare pair of pants at Dean's face. Dean caught them before they hit him, glaring at Gabriel.  
  
"You, Dean, are freaking huge." Gabriel told him blankly, not even cracking a smile. It was weird to see him so calm while making a joke about Dean. Sam could say, from experience, that he knew for a fact that Gabriel loved making jokes about Dean. Or had, when he'd been an angel.

Gabriel plopped down with a huff, and Sam almost missed the grimace as his stitches pulled when he flopped down. He didn't' though, and he couldn't keep the sympathetic expression from creeping onto his face for all to see. "I'm fine, Sammy. I've had worse."  
  
Sam cleared his throat, ignoring the strange look he got from Dean before folding his hands in his lap. "Gabriel." He said, but the hollow expression on the ex-angel's face made him try again.

"Gabe." This time he looked up, letting out a quiet ' _hmm_ '. "Where have you been? You died. Lucifer killed you, man, and no one is supposed to come back from that."  
  
Gabriel's face went pale, paler than it had already been, and Sam regretted asking him the question. "I-I've been... away. Somewhere." Dean shot him a look this time, raising an eyebrow skeptically.   
  
"Away?"  
  
"Look, Dean, Sam, can we just talk about this some other time? Because, unlike you two, I don't come back from the dead on a regular basis." Gabriel said, his voice thick with emotion and defensiveness that Sam knew would just rile Dean up even more.

So, before his brother could talk, he hunched forwards, elbows on his knees to get closer to Gabriel. The blond looked at him startled, like he'd never seen someone do something like that before. Like he'd never seen anyone willingly get close to him. 

"Gabriel, we need to know what's going on. Where have you been? Please tell us."

Gabriel groaned, standing up suddenly and glaring at the wall across the room. He looked angry, but more afraid than that. It was disconcerting to see the usually chipper angel - ex-angel - so down.

"I don't know, okay?" He shouted, turning more so Sam could no longer see his face. Dean shifted beside him. "I was just somewhere. It was dark, really freaking dark, and I was on fire or something. Then hands grabbed me, ripped my grace from me, and shoved me at a brick, white wall of light. Next thing I know I wake up on the side of a road, my eyes bleeding and my stomach hurting like a bitch." He turned around again, and Sam's breath was lost as he noticed Gabriel had tears - actual  _tears_ \- in his eyes.   
  
"My brother really killed me then, huh? I remember most of it. We talked and then - then something hit me and I watched Lucifer as I fell to the floor and everything went black. That's how I got into - that place, burning." He blinked, looking up at the ceiling. "I take it either it's only been a few days, or you two have actually managed to beat my brothers." Sam sighed, dropping his head.   
  
"Yeah, Gabe, we beat them."  
  
"Locked 'em both in the cage, actually." Dean said, before standing and stretching his arms over his head. Gabriel looked at him in shock, his mouth dropping open. Dean moved towards the door, grabbing his keys along the way. He didn't even look over his shoulder as he asked, "You still hungry, Sam?"  
  
"Yeah. Get-" He looked over to Gabriel who was looking at them all in awe. It felt weird coming from him. "get Gabriel something light. And some candy." Dean nodded, waving his hand over his shoulder before leaving. The door shut with a loud thud behind him, and Sam looked back to Gabriel.

The ex-angel was smiling, just slightly, and he looked grateful for the first time that night. Sam smiled back. Maybe it wasn't that bad that he'd come back from, wherever it was that he'd been. After they ate, after Gabriel had rested, Sam would have to question him again. And this time be more successful. 


	5. Shattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's POV

Awkward situations weren't something Dean was actually good at, and he avoided them at all costs. So when Gabriel brought up Lucifer and the Cage, he'd high tailed it out of the motel.

Some things that he knew, Sam didn't, and he wasn't going to sit there like a fish out of water trying to keep himself from blabbing about what had happened.

In the recent days he'd noticed his resolve wearing thin, the urge to tell his brother about what Death had done getting stronger every time he saw his brother.

He couldn't though, the so called 'Wall' inside Sam's head too important to keep up. He didn't want memories from his time in the cage with Lucifer and Michael to make his brother go insane. He wasn't about to loose his brother because he couldn't keep his mouth shut.

So, instead he did what he could do. And do well. Get food. Unlike Sam, Dean actually had tastebuds and liked things other than bland salad for a living.

So he got himself the largest burger the restaurant had, before going to the gas station. He filled his baby's gas tank, before going inside. It was small, no bigger than their motel room, but it was pulled high with assorted junk food.

He found some twinkles, m&ms, and some strange sour candy he'd never seen before. Dean also got something for more regular meal, buying subs from the small deli stationed at the back of the store.

He got chicken salad for his brother and a ham sandwich for Gabriel. He didn't think ham was that bad, and he hoped that Gabriel's new taste buds would be willing to eat it. It'd be bad if he suddenly didn't like anything Dean bought him.

Just in case he bought a bag of plane chips because, hey, everyone loved chips. Once he payed, he left the store, chucking the food into the passenger seat. He laughed when he sat down, shaking his head.

Dean never thought that at some point in his life, he'd be buying Sam food while on a possibly bogus hunt, and feeding an ex-Archangel of the Lord. Sure, he knew his life was weird, but this? This was downright insane. The case, though, was something he could focus on.

Take his mind off of undead Archangels. When he got back to the motel he'd be sure to hijack Sam's laptop to do some of his own research.

He was starting to get a hunch of what was going on, but he needed proof to be sure. Sighing, Dean started the Impala, put her into gear and backed her up out of the lousy gas stations parking lot.

About halfway back to the motel, he realized it was too quiet and turned up the music. He wasn't even sure what the song was, but it was catchy and he nodded his head to it.

The last few days he'd forgotten to be grateful for some of life's pleasures. Like eating a bag of chips in the car.

Of course, he'd keep some for the others, but it still felt sneaky and fun anyway. Sometimes, he just had to do something more mundane. Less monsters, more food.

He finally parked the Impala, grabbing the food and going towards the door. He froze, though, when a loud crash came from inside. He dropped the groceries, opening the door with lighting speed and his hand reaching for his hidden gun. Dean dropped his hand though, when he saw the scene in front of him.

Gabriel was leaning his back against the wall, pouting like a small child, while Sam was cleaning up a vase and cursing. Dean blinked, unsure of what was going on. Before he could say anything, though, Sam looked up and his frown grew larger.

"Dean. Guess what? Turns out that when angels go human they have shit balancing skills, and can hardly stand on their own two feet. Like, he seriously can not walk for shit."

"He fell onto the vase?" Dean asked, still in shock. Gabriel scoffed, tipping his head down and staring at the both of them (somehow. Dean would have to figure out how he did that.) with dark, angry eyes. Dean found it much less worry inducing now that there was no angel mojo behind it.

"Oh yeah," Gabriel started, his voice laced with angry sarcasm. "'cuz you two could walk the second you were born. I hadn't known that was such a common thing. Maybe next time I shall consult my human handbook before not being able to, you know, walk normally!"

That was unexpected. And if Dean thought so, which he did, really rude. He raised a finger, about to say something regarding how he could make him never walk again, but Sam cut him off with a hand in the air.

"Guys, chill. He didn't mean too. We'll just - have to work on the whole walking thing, yeah?" He asked, looking over his shoulder and giving Gabriel his most loving, puppy dog eyes Dean had ever seen. It made him want to gag, but apparently that kind of thing worked on Gabriel.

The angel nodded, looking away and muttering something about 'weak ass vases'. Dean rolled his eyes, turning back around and grabbing the food he'd dropped.

"Well, I hope he can eat, because I did not just waist money on a ham sandwich for him for nothing." He dropped the food on the only table in the room, sitting down heavily in a chair and pulling out his burger. He watched as Sam cleaned up the last of the shards, before dumping them in a near waist basket.

Sam made a move for the table, but stopped as he seemed to realize something. He looked back, eyeing Gabriel before going back and standing beside him.

In a strange, inhuman move, Sam was holding Gabriel to his side and taking every bit of his weight. Gabriel squeaked, his face going slack in shock. Sam didn't give him time to protest, though, and hauled him over to the table and set him down in the other chair.

Sam grabbed his sandwich, holding up like a toast, before sitting down on his bed. Dean blinked, looking across at Gabriel. After a moment of an awkward staring contest, Dean pushed the last bag - with Gabriel's food in it - at the blond. He smirked when Gabriel eyes it suspiciously.

"Ham?" He asked.


	6. Dreaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel's POV
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ~(The break leads into a dream)~

Ham was okay. It tasted kind of strange, almost stringy even, but Gabriel was too hungry to complain. Eating was something he was actually used to, he'd done it so many times before it was like riding a bike.

You just couldn't forget how to do it. Though before he only ate for pleasure, and nothing else. It was strange eating for need. As he ate, he thought about other things he'd be having to do now that he was human.

Like going to the bathroom. Doing that wasn't something he was looking forward to, now that he couldn't just poof the food away.

Just like he couldn't magically make himself be able to walk with a thought. When he'd tried to stand, because Sam said walking might help him feel better, he'd lost his balance so quickly he'd fallen into the vase.

He hadn't needed to worry about walking before, hadn't even thought of it. Why did he manage to walk around earlier, when he was talking about Lucifer, and now he couldn't? He knew, for the most part, how to walk.

Maybe it wasn't like that though. When he'd walked and fallen, Gabriel had gotten really dizzy. Strangely so, and then he'd tipped, stumbled, and fallen. He wasn't used to this strange tug and pull of reactions and emotions that happen now that he was human.

He considered asking Sam about it, because out of the two brothers he was the more rational, but he didn't.

It made his face heat up, something similar to fear but not quite whirring around in his stomach. He didn't need that feeling, so he forced himself to drop the idea.

Instead, Gabriel focused on eating the sandwich while Dean pulled Sam's laptop in front of him and started looking something up.

Sam shot him a look, what Dean called the 'bitch face', and Gabriel had to force himself not to laugh. It was always amusing when he got to see that, and even more so when it was aimed at him.

Sam had about five different bitch faces, each equally distinguishable. The 'Really Dude', 'Seriously, No', 'What The Hell', 'You've Got To Be Kidding', and the ever rare 'I Will Hit You'.

Gabriel blinked, placing his sandwich on the table. Why the hell was he categorizing Sam's pissed off faces? He had a name for them all and - how could he distinguish them all?

Maybe he'd spent too much time killing Dean in endless Tuesday's, always watching for a reactions from Sam, that he'd actually started recognizing them.

He shook his head, sighing and slumping back in the chair. He wasn't in the mood for this, and sleep was starting to take over him. His eyelids drooped, and he huffed out a sluggish puff of breath.

Maybe I'd be okay if he just, closed his eyes, for a moment. Because his eyelids were getting heavy and he honestly didn't think he could keep them open.

Dean cleared his throat, startling him and making him jump in his seat. Gabriel looked up at him with confusion. "I think you should go sleep, dude." The elder Winchester said, watching him suspiciously.

Gabriel nodded. Dean was right, he should. He didn't want to, because it was weird, but not as bad as the bathroom thing. And he'd slept once before, to test it, and he'd woken up just fine.

He put his hands on the table for leverage, getting ready to stand up but paused and glared at the table.

Would he still not be able to walk? Was he going to fall again, and this time in front of Dean? He figured Dean wasn't above laughing his head off over it.

Gabriel bit his lip, thinking, to hell with it, before he pushed himself up, winching as his stomach wound pulled strangely. He stayed like that for a moment, trying to see if he was as dizzy as before but when he found he wasn't he moved towards Sam's bed.

"I hope Sammy boy is willing to share, because I'm sorry, but I'm not sleeping in the same bed as Dean-o. I wouldn't touch that idea with a ten foot pole." He said, but his voice lacked actual threat and he realized that if they wanted him to he'd sleep on the floor. Probably.

It was still hard to figure out what was going on. Dean gave an angry grunt and Sam shook his head, shrugging. Gabriel took it as consent, going over and dropping down on the bed.

He didn't bother with the covers, because last time he'd woken up he'd freaked out because of them. He also thought he wouldn't be able to stay awake long enough to pull the over himself.

Instead he closed his eyes and just tried to sleep. He was just starting to feel the fuzzy warmth of sleep when Sam's voice cut through it as he spoke.

"Dude, he feel over. Like, just stumbled and crashed into the table." He sounded worried, and frantic, like just mentioning would make Gabriel keel over. Gabe wanted to roll his eyes, but found that he couldn't really work up the energy. 

"But he was walking earlier?" Dean asked, his voice skeptical. Sam made a noise, something Gabriel guessed was supposed to be a word, before he talked again.

"Yeah, that's what's weird. And just now, he was fine. Is there something wrong with him?" _Wrong with me?_ Gabriel thought, mentally shaking his head. _I'm fine. Apart from not being an angel anymore._

"Sam, he's Gabriel. Of course there is something wrong with him." There was some shuffling, the sound of paper crinkling. Gabriel figured Dean was a cleaning up the mess or stealing his last bit of sandwich.

"No, Dean. I mean physically not..." Gabriel didn't hear the rest of the conversation, sleep pulling him in at last.

 

 

                                                                              ---------

 

_Someone was chasing him, something large and dark and full of wrath. It had red eyes, glowing brightly in the dark and it made Gabriel want to scream. He had to get away from it, keep it away form him. But it was following him, it wanted to know where - what did it want to know?_

_He wasn't sure. It wanted something from him, before he killed Gabriel. What did he want? Gabriel ran, absently realizing it was town streets he was running through._

_It was dark and he kept running into trash cans, to vacant cars that were just idling in the middle of the streets. It was still chasing him, just in the darkness where he could only see its eyes._

_Gabriel tripped, falling as it suddenly spoke. It's voice was deep, accented, and it made every bone in his body shiver in fear._

_"I want them. Where are they, angel? Give them to me. Show me."_

_"I don't know what you want!" Gabriel screamed, crawling away from the monster, making sure he didn't look at him. He got the feeling something bad would happen if he looked at the monster._

_"Come on, angel" It laughed, voice thick with joy. "You hate them too."_

_"Don't call me that!" Gabriel cried, tears starting to stream down his face. "Don't call me an angel! I'm not-"_

_"Oh? You aren't an angel? Well, this just got a whole lot easier."_

_Suddenly there was pressure on his back, pushing him down into the hard ground and Gabriel screamed. It only got stronger, and more painful, felling like his back would break._

_The monster was gone, he could somehow tell, but it felt like a car was pressing into his back. Gabriel screamed, cursing whatever had just done this to him._


	7. Fight Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's POV
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ~(possible tw: nightmares)~

Dean thought it was just because he had been hungry. Or something to do with his new humanity, but he didn't think anything was actually wrong with Gabe. Sam, however, didn't know what to think.

He wanted to think it was what Dean was saying, but something kept reminding him that things like this didn't happen. People just didn't get a second chance. Especially anyone associated with them- people they knew died, and didn't come back.

And yet somehow, the angel - ex, he needed to remember he wasn't an angel anymore - had. He'd gotten what looked like a free card to existence, and that just sat wrong with Sam.

He and Dean talked for a little while longer, about Gabriel and how they were worried and the case, but in the end Sam grabbed a book from the trunk of the car and sat down beside Gabriel. He leaned against the back of the headboard, opening it and starting where he left off.

The book was in Latin, the words flowing interestingly and making him pay more attention. He found that books in other languages were easier to read; it took less time to get into them than books in English did.

It might have something to do with how messed up America's grammar was, but he honestly couldn't say for sure.

Every now and then Dean would say something, about the case, and Sam would put his book in his lap and try and help work out what was going on. 

Though after they were done talking, the only conclusion they could come up with was that it had to be something to do with Gabriel's resurrection. But then Dean said something about how he couldn't sleep, and if he wouldn't sleep he'd be working.

"Dean-"

"No. I'm going to go see if I can find anything at the park, something we might have missed. We both know that long lost relatives don't just magically appear out of no where. Maybe there is some trace of sulfur or - or something." Dean trailed off, before gesturing to Gabriel with the hand holding then keys to the Impala. "You watch Shorty."

Sam tried to comment, to protest, but Dean was out of the door before he could even raise a hand. Sam signed, shaking his head in resignation. At least he could try and read some more. He, like Dean, didn't think he could sleep right now.

Even though it was, like, one in the morning, and he'd only had five hours of sleep. Sam went back to reading, getting up twice to go to the bathroom. The second the he splashed his face with cold water, waking himself up as best he could.

Right now he needs to keep watch, make sure Gabriel doesn't freak out like last time. He's not sure he could handle him by himself. Sam sighed. Shaking his head as he looked at his face in the mirror.

Bags had formed under his eyes and his hair was a mess.He didn't even try to fix it before he was back in the other room. He turned off all but one lamp by his bed. Dean was out and he might as well give Gabriel as dark of a room as possible.

He wasn't even sure how he'd fallen asleep with how bright it had been. He picked his book up, sitting down again and continuing to read. He smiled as he read a joke. It wouldn't be funny in English, the language being a play on the spelling, but it was funny nonetheless.

He jumped when a small whine escaped Gabriel's mouth. Sam looked down at him, shocked, and slightly concerned. Had the pain medication worn off already? Or was... was he having a bad dream.

Sam waited, trying to see if he'd do it again. And sure enough, a minute later Gabriel twitched violently and let out a pained groan. Sam put his book down, before sitting on his knees and leaning over Gabriel's sleeping form. He placed a hand gently to his shoulder, and another to his back, shaking him slightly.

"Gabriel." He said, and was rewarded with a choked sound. He tried again, shaking him harder. "Gabe. Wake up."

"Nnh..." Gabriel hissed, pulling as far away from Sam as he could. But Sam held firm, pulling him back into his embrace. He want going to give up that easily.

"Gabe, come on. Wake up."

"Nnnn... n-no! No, no, get off! Get off me!" Gabriel screamed trashing in Sam's grip. He winced, cursing, before grabbing Gabriel and hauling him up into a bear hug.

Gabriel's back was pressed against his stomach and it was awkward with Gabe thrashing, but he didn't let go.It'd be bad if he reopened his wound. Gabriel let out a cry, sounding like a wounded dog, and Sam held him tighter.

"Gabriel, it's alright, it's okay! It's me. It's Sam! I'm not going to hurt you." He said as gently as possible. He moved back his head as Gabriel dropped his own back against Sam's chest. He let out a whine, his eyes firmly shut.

"No." He sobbed out, tears once again leaking from his eyes.

His face was red and wet, and he looked absolutely wrecked. Sam rubbed his arms gently, whispering what he thought were calming words to him. Slowly, Gabriel relaxed, and eventually his eyes opened and he looked at Sam in confusion.

"Sam?"

"Yeah. You're okay dude, it's alright. You had a dream." Sam said, smiling. Gabriel nodded, going limp in his grip. Sam sighed in relief, but was quickly stiff again as he heard the door to the motel open.

He wasn't sure who thought right then was the best time to come into the room, but whoever it was Sam as going to have a very stern talking to.

"So, Sam, I think I found - wow, woah, okay. I did not need to see that." Dean said, covering his eyes like seeing Sam holding Gabriel was blasphemous. Of course it was Dean. Dean 'Worst-Timing-Ever' Winchester.

He felt Gabriel shake under him, and only just barely recognizing it as a laugh. He had to fight off a smile because, darn it, he was supposed to be mad at Dean. He was going to take this the wrong way, because he was Dean and he always did.

"Dean." Gabriel said, in his most greeting tone. Even though his voice was thick and raspy, it obvious that he was crying, he still managed to pull it off. He wiggled in Sam's arms, turning himself to be able to look at Dean. Sam felt his face heat up with embarrassment. "Welcome back."

Dean groaned, shutting the door behind him with a loud thud.


	8. Wound Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel's POV

Gabriel didn't stick around to figure out what Dean wanted to talk to Sam about.

Firstly, he found he didn't really care all that much, and second? It wasn't really any of his business. He wasn't a hunter, never even considered it as a job he could do, so he ignored them as they started to fight about the case they were on.

Instead, Gabriel went back into the bathroom. He realized that most of his time back alive he was spending in a bathroom. Not the good kind of bathroom shenanigans either.

He sighed, shutting the door behind himself. He'd have to remind himself to do something more like him - try to get himself back into his normal groove. Gabriel hadn't even touched the candy yet.   
  
He turned on the sink, cupping his hands and getting some water in them before splashing it on his face. He gasped as the water fell away, looking into the mirror at himself.

The tear streaks were mostly gone, the water somehow covering them up, but his hair was almost as bad as it had been when he'd first woken up.

He pushed it back, silently cursing humans unruly hair. He'd never had this problem when he was an angel. Gabriel grabbed the hand towel beside the sink, using to rub his face dry. He put it back in it's place and looked back at his reflection.

When he'd been an angel he was able to see his reflection differently. He'd seen his vessel, of course, but he'd also seen part of his true form. It'd been just preaking out, just enough to know it was there.

Now, though, all he saw was a short, blond man who looked like he'd just gotten his ass kicked. And he supposed he did, in a sense.

Whatever dream he'd had had been enough to make him wake up screaming for the second time that day. Gabriel remembered being scared, and something hurting him - maybe - but other than that nothing.

His terror only subsided when he'd realized that Sam was there and he wasn't in mortal danger. Any other kind of danger, he had no guarantee about. 

"We aren't ditching him, Dean!" Sam's sudden, loud voice made him jump and he looked back at the door quickly. Ditching? Who where they - oh he wasn't stupid, he knew full well it was him.

Probably. Gabriel turned the water off then, before moving up to the door and pressing his ear to it in attempt to listen to their conversation. 

"He's a creepy, manipulative little bastard and I'm not letting him fuck with us again! Do you even remember what had happened with the Mystery Spot, Sam, huh? He traumatized you!" Dean said back, voice furious. Gabriel flinched, closing his eyes for a moment.

Yeah, that hadn't actually been one of his best ideas. Sure, in the end it didn't really do any harm for him, but having the Winchesters on your side was better than not. He could have used a little more trust when he'd... fought his brother.

"Do  _you_ remember how he died for us, Dean? He didn't have to, but he did. He got us out of there and gave us time to get the hell away."

Wow. Sam was actually defending him. That was one he hadn't expected.

Maybe saying they had a duty to because he was hurt or some other ridiculous nonsense, but actually thinking - the idea that Sam thought he should stay made something in his stony, sugar coated heart wobble. He wasn't sure he liked that feeling, so he pushed it down and pressed closer to the door to listen.

"That was mostly for Kali, and you know it. So how about the fact that he has something to do with the 'omens', Sam? Yeah, that's right, he does. I was looking into it and it turns out that there's lore that when an angel gets brought back from the dead, they inflect their greatest desires onto the surrounding people. And then-"

Dean paused, and he heard something like a chair sliding across the floor. "-people start fucking dying, Sam. You really think you can pull off something this  _big_ without causing damage?"

Another pause, this one longer, and Gabriel bit his lip. What he was saying was - well, it was true. Or, at least in practice. But he wasn't even an  _angel_ anymore. All that had happened was his conscious was transferred into this vessel. So essentially he had turned human.

"Oh, and guess what else? Only an angel can bring back another angel. Or, whatever the hell he is now."   
  
"One of the other angel brought him back? Who in heaven has that kind of power now? I thought everything basically went to shit when we locked away Michael. Wasn't he, like, giving orders?" Sam asked finally, his voice quiet like he had lost his fight. 

 _No, don't stop. Dean will get rid of me - don't do it Sammy._ Gabriel thought, wishing with all his might that he could just stop the conversation.

Well, he probably could, but he really wanted to know what Dean thought about his resurrection. He probably knew less than they did. Right now he'd take any ideas they could give.

"Seems like it. And I have no idea who, that's Cas' department. I wish those asshole would just stay where they belong - in heaven. We don't need anymore of them causing problems." 

 _Castiel. Cas. His brother. The Winchesters pet angel._  He pushed himself up, deciding that he'd had enough of their conversation.

Gabriel didn't really need Dean being mean to his family. Wait, no. That wasn't right. He hardly had considered them family when he'd ran away, and now that he was human - was he even related to them anymore?

He really hoped he was. Maybe. He groaned, cursing human emotions. Now that he wasn't an angel all these little urges, and  _feeling_ , just got so strong.

He'd be sure the next time the chance came up, he'd be telling the Winchesters just how much he hated their useless emotions. It just made things complicated and -

Gabriel swayed on his feet, dizziness hitting him hard, and he hardly had enough time to put his hands up in front of his face before he was falling into the shower door.

He let out a pained shout as he collided with it, the thick glass making stabbing pain shoot through his arm. He also felt something rip against his stomach, and he slid down to the floor as he moved a hand to grip at his stomach.

Ripping was bad. He absently thanked the owner of the motel for putting in the door instead of a shower curtain. That would probably have snapped his neck and - he was human, so it'd probably have killed him. Again.

"Gabe?" Sam's frantic voice was behind the door now, followed by his frantic banning.

 _Oh thank his Father and Sam Winchester's ridiculous protective instinct._ Gabriel looked up at it slowly, finding his body's reactions slowed considerably.

How had Sam gotten to the door so fast? Was he freaking Sonic or something? The Flash maybe? Maybe he was Dash or Quicksilver, or something as equally as stupid. Rocket Sammy?

"It's unlocked." He said instead, deciding that calling Sam Sonic right after he'd fallen a pretty bad idea. The door opened and Sam was standing there, all worried and insanely big, giving Gabriel another one of those strange heart flutters.

He'd have to get those under control soon, as they were starting to get annoying. Gabriel gave Sam an acknowledging grunt, before dropping his head heavily against the shower door.

He only winced slightly. A second later and Sam was pulling him up all gentle like, before manhandling him out the door. Yeah, definitely Flash.

Sam pushed him down onto the bed in a sitting position, before kneeling down and -  _woah_ , wait, hang on. He had his head between Gabriel's legs. Or as close as a man of his height could get. Gabriel blinked, staring down at Sam in confusion.

"Uh." He said intelligently, his hands going up into the air beside his head uselessly. "Uhm."

Suddenly Sam was grabbing the bottom of his shirt, and before Gabriel could protest he pulled it up in one fast movement. Gabriel let out a startled squeak and felt his face heat up like a fucking school girl on her first date. It was more than a little embarrassing.

"Damn it." Sam cursed, voice all rough and deep and Gabriel had to fight himself from pushing the man away - or maybe closer? He wasn't sure. But if Speedy was getting all grabby who was he to judge? "His wounds open again."

  _Ah_. That made much more sense. He let out a sigh of relief, before realizing what the other man had just said.

Wasn't that a bad thing? Sam pushed him down, with only one hand holding lightly to his shoulder and Gabriel found it highly offensive.

He had about had it with Sonic's manhandling, thank you very much. Okay, so maybe he might have hit his head when he fell. It wasn't like he could help thinking about Sam as some speedy superhero.

"Dean, get the needle." Gabriel gulped.


	9. Stolen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's POV

They'd had to get Gabriel drunk before Dean could actually do any stitching. Dean didn't want him to thrashing about while he tried to get the wound closed. Even after he got drunk off his ass Sam still had to hold him down.

He didn't really make any noise, just kind of tried to pull away. Sam had gotten behind him, sitting with his legs to either side of Gabe, his arms wrapped around his chest, successfully nullifying use of his arms.

Dean sat on his legs, keeping most of his own weight going down on the bed because he really didn't want to break something. Now that Gabriel was human Dean actually felt like he was his vessels size. He didn't seem bigger, and he seemed much weaker.

When Dean had finished he put gauze over the wound. Unlike before, it was actually bleeding this time and he didn't want anything to get into the wound.

He taped it down with surgical tape before trying to get Gabriel to take pain medication. He wasn't having anything to do with that. "Dude, unless you want a killer hangover _and_ stomach pain you need to take this." Dean said, moving off of the former angel.

Gabriel shook his head, pouting like a child, and Dean fought the urge to punch him. He had to remember that he wasn't supposed to hit wounded people. And Sam would get pissed. Sam pulled back, moving Gabriel back into a sitting position and removing his own arms. He had one hand to his back, though, as if steadying him. 

"'M fine. I don't get hurt, _I'm an angel_." Gabriel declared, all indignant and smug. Dean pursed his lips, before looking up at Sam angrily. His brother shrugged, looking sympathetic.

"Fine. Okay, whatever, be in pain." Dean pressed his lips into a thin line, standing and tossing the pill bottle on the bed. He turned on his heel and stomped off to the table muttering something to do with angels. He sat down heavily, glaring at the laptop before opening it and going back to his research - Sam's job, but whatever.

Dean watched his brother out of the corner of his eye. Sam grabbed the water from earlier that Gabriel had abandoned, putting it in Gabriel's hand. Once he was sure the other man had a hold on it Sam took the pill bottle and went to work on opening it. Well, if Sam thought he could get that stubborn bastard to take his meds than good for him. He had more patience than Dean did anyway.

He shot the computer page an irritated look. It was still open to what he'd show Sam, the information about angels being brought back from the dead. It was all there, in Times New Roman font and bold and italics. Three days of good shit happening, then six of bad. People were going to die, because Gabriel had come back to life, and Sam refused to blame him.

Which was idiotic, because they needed to focus on saving the people of the town instead of babysitting an ex-angel. Instead, his brother was being sympathetic and kind and shit. Dean looked back at them when he heard Gabriel make some kind of hurt puppy noise.

Gabriel was looking at Sam, wounded, while his brother was rubbing his back. Dean made a face as Sam held up his hand to Gabriel, and Dean noticed two white pills held within his palm.

"Come on Gabe, you need to take these." Sam said. Gabriel shook his head, glaring down at the pills vehemently. What was he, three? Well, maybe he should give him a little slack. Dean remembered how Cas had been the first time he'd gotten drunk. He didn't actually expect any other angel to be able to pull it off easily. 

"This is stupid." Dean said, tipping back in his chair. Sam sent him one of his patented bitch faces, before turning back to Gabriel. The blond still hadn't taken the medication. 

"Why won't you take it?" Sam questioned. Gabriel turned his head, puffing out his cheeks and looking off towards some invisible thing beside the door. He was much different than his brother, Cas, but maybe it was better not to have another one. He likes Cas and all, but it'd be weird having two of him. One was enough. "It's not like it'll hurt you, Gabriel."

"Yeah, it won't - but _I_  hurt. I'm not supposed to hurt." Gabriel complained, before snatching the pills from Sam before dry swallowing so fast Dean wasn't even sure he'd actually taken them. Gabriel looked back at Sam, squinting at him and turning his head in a very Castiel-esk fashion. "Why are you helpin' me? You hate me." He turned to Dean, pointing at Sam. "He hates me, right?"

"I don't-" Sam started, but sighed when Dean gave him a confused look. "-just watch TV, Gabe." Sam took the glass of water and replaced it with a remote. Dean watched as he crawled off the bed and made his way over to Dean. He sat in the chair opposite him. Dean tapped the computer before pushing it towards his brother. 

"Read up, Sam. Then tell me we aren't getting rid of Gabriel." Dean told him. Sam sighed but took the computer, reading over the information. It took him about ten minutes to go through all of it, the entire time staying silent.

About eight minutes in Dean stood up and went over to get some beers from the mini fridge. As he came back he heard the sounds of  _Dr. Sexy_ coming from the TV and he had to resist the urge to go and watch. He loved  _Dr. Sexy_ and all, but right now he was trying to convince his brother to get rid of the blond.

He sat down again, popping Sam's beer open before pushing it over to him. Sam didn't even look at it before he was starting to ask questions. "Three days? They get three days of good fortune, of - of the angel's wishes, before six days of people dying? Is that some kind of penance thing?" Sam asked and Dean shrugged as he took a drink of his beer. Sam seemed to only just then realize it was there.

"Beats me man, but it's supposed to happen. Every source I've found says the same thing." Dean said, before adding, "A lot of people can die in six days."

"Dean stop." Sam said, voice raising in his barely contained anger. "It's not his fault. He didn't ask to be brought back to life, and honestly I find your need to get rid of him more of a freaking personal vendetta than actual necessity." Dean frowned, glaring at his brother. Even if that was true, even just a little bit, getting rid of Gabriel seemed like a pretty damn good idea. He was tired of him and his brothers messing up their lives.

"So what if it is, Sam? You should be the one wanting to get rid of him more than me!"

"Just because you can't let anything go, doesn't mean I have to follow that rule too, Dean! And maybe I know what he's going through, especially now. I know what it feels like to have to leave your family because no one understands you. I know what it's like to feel betrayed, and lost, and fucking alone, Dean. So yeah, maybe I'm sympathizing with him. Giving him a crutch whereas I never got one. And I don't see how that's really a bad thing."

Dean sucked in a breath, surprised, before he glared at his brother. "It's bad because people are dying." Sam sighed, running a hand through his hair, before slumping down in his chair in what looked like defeat.

It wasn't, Dean knew. He'd be having more of this conversation later, but thankfully right now Sam had had enough. Dean had as well. After they were done talking about the case - or whatever they were doing now - he'd try to go to bed.

"Can we just - talk about the case?" Dean nodded. "Good. Now, what's all this about a price to pay for angel resurrection? Is it, like, talking about the deaths?" Before Dean could talk Gabriel turned the TV off suddenly. Dean and Sam looked over to him around the second Gabriel did them.

"It's talking about my grace. My grace was stolen." Gabriel told them. Dean opened his mouth, leaning forwards so that he was closer to Gabriel, but before he could get anything out Gabriel flopped back on the bed and turned over on his stomach. Dean wondered how that didn't hurt. "Human hair is fucking ridiculous." Gabriel added with a giggle.

"His grace was... stolen?" Sam asked, and when Dean looked back at him Sam had this pained, horrified look on his face. Dean figured his own was the same. Grace was freaking powerful, and if someone had stolen it and used it for something bad? That didn't seem like it would end well.


	10. Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's POV
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ~(This is happening around the same time as the last chapters.)~

Castiel should have known. It should have been plain to see for him, being someone who could see someone very thoughts if he so wished. And yet he hadn't realized it sooner, hadn't noticed all the things wrong with his plan.

He couldn't help but think that Dean would have been furious, knowing he'd done this willingly. Now, laying in his own blood, he can easily categorize everything wrong. Firstly, that the plan had anything to do with killing helpless humans and 'monsters' who knew nothing of what they were doing.

It was simply because they had needed the blood - or something as equally stupid. Second, the fact that it was with Crowley, who'd screwed them before. Lastly, working with demons had never ended well, he could have looked to Sam for that answer.

And just as Sam had, desperation drove Castiel to what he had done. Helping Crowley hadn't been his first choice - he didn't want to. Oh, how he wished he hadn't now, that was for sure. The battle in Heaven had gotten worse, and he was losing.

Something stronger would be needed to beat them and souls were something that would make him stronger. He had willingly sided with the demon in attempt to get them, but now? He knew what Crowley's true motives were. He had planned to use Cas, to have him do all the work, and in the end would use the power to kill thousands.

Kill anyone who was a hunter or a monster, leaving only the helpless humans who would willingly sell their souls. Why he didn't just kill them was beyond him, maybe having something to do with that Crowley just enjoyed it. How he could, Castiel didn't know that either.

In those killed would be Dean and Sam, and anyone else Castiel had ever gotten attached to. He needed to stop Crowley, really stop him. For good. That hadn't ended well, if his own angel blade protruding from between his shoulders was anything to go by.

Above him, the demon was spinning another stolen angel blade merrily, watching Castiel with hungry eyes. What angel he'd had to kill to get it, Cas didn't know, but it made him sick just watching the demon hold it in his disgusting hands. 

"You're their pet, you know that, right?" Crowley asked with a laugh and wolfish grin that made Castiel shiver. "They  _own you_. They tell you go fetch and - you do it. Well I'm not being their lapdog. Unlike you, I don't actually have any desire to play tonsilhockey with Dean Winchester." He spat, his voice turning into more of a growl.

Castiel grunted in confusion, turning his head to get a better view of the demon. His chin scraped against the concrete below him and Castiel found himself listing every ingredient used, what kind of bugs had fallen into it as it dried, and where every blood stain lay. Sometimes he couldn't get his over active mind to shut off, even in the worst of times. And now, at this exact moment, was definitely a bad time.

"Oh come now, you don't expect me to actually believe that you don't know what I'm talking about?" Crowley said, rolling his eyes. "I'm sure you two have gotten squirrely at least once by now."

"I don't-" Cas coughed, spitting blood across the floor. Crowley tutted, walking forwards and putting the tip of his boot underneath Castiel's chin. Moving slowly, he lifted Castiel's head up so that he was looking directly into Crowley's eyes. The demon smirked, rolling his knuckles over the angel blades handle in a sweeping gesture. Castiel squinted, fighting to keep his eyes open against the pain flooding his body's system. "-I don't understand-"

"Aww, poor little Castiel. Not aware of anything, too naive and pure to know anything the humans do." In one swift movement, Crowley cracked his foot across Castiel's face in a staggering kick. Cas gasped, more blood pouring out of his mouth. The demon's shoes were new, made last night. They were leather, a cow of good age who had been slaughtered for the exact need of Crowley's shoes. Castiel felt himself gag.

"Maybe you should have looked up how people of this century work before coming here. Now, if you aren't going to help me, I'll just have to get rid of you. I  _wanted_ to make you watch as I killed the Winchesters, but I can't have you telling on me now, can I?" His voice had gone calmer, more happy, and Castiel was overtaken by a sudden wave of fear.

He couldn't let this happen. Crowley couldn't get away with what he was trying to do. He couldn't be allowed to kill Dean and Sam. Castiel let out a groan, pushing himself to his feet. He staggered, almost falling backwards, but was able to regain his balance at the last second and remained on his feet. The blade in his back slipped out slightly, letting more blood fall to the floor in an almost wave. Castiel suddenly felt himself growing dizzy, but he held his ground.

Crowley whistled, clapping his hands in an awkward fashion around the angel blade in his hands. "The dog still has some fight left in him." Crowley mused. Castiel growled, glaring up at the demon with all the anger and hoping to his Father that he looked at least somewhat intimidating.

He actually didn't have any fight left, just the need to escape. He couldn't let himself die here without telling Dean what was happening. He needed to warn him, even if that meant being cast away from him forever. He had betrayed the Winchesters willingly. Purposefully. 

"I am  _not_ a  _dog_. And sometimes, we don't always get what we want." Castiel ground out, blood dripping down his lips and onto his chin. Crowley's brow furrowed, his mouth dropping open as he was about to say something. Cas didn't wait around to find out what it was though, vanishing instantly as he flew away as fast as he could. It hurt, pain blinding him and he tumbled out of the sky. 

He crashed hard, a small crater forming around him in the dirt. Again, he was lying face down on something hard. Except this time he was away from immediate danger. Castiel let out a groan and curled his hands in the dirt.

He found three hundred and twenty three worms had touched this specific plot of land, and that it'd rained about two days ago for a good three hours. It was almost reassuring, before his actual vision started to go black. Angels could pass out, especially one as weak as he'd been the last few months, and he knew he was going to any second. 

_Dean,_ he thought with all his might, hoping somehow that he'd hear him. But of course that was ridiculous, and he felt fear once again take hold as he fell into the nothingness that was an angels dream.


	11. Azrael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's POV

"I'm not payed enough for this shit." Dean said, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes. Sam snorted, shutting the laptop. Of course Dean would say something as light as that after someone said such a big thing. _Stolen grace? Really?_

"You aren't payed at all Dean." Dean waved at Sam, giving him an exasperated huff.

"My point." He commented before standing, stretching out his back. Sam slumped down in his chair and worried his bottom lip between his teeth. "This is ridiculous. Alright, Sam, you get to work trying to find some way to stop the deaths that are going to happen in - two days, and I'll... I'll try and figure out more about this grace thing. Maybe Bobby has a book or something on it."

Sam nodded, opening the laptop up. He opened up a new tap and searched, hardly noticing when Dean grabbed his phone and stepped outside to call Bobby.

The first thing that seemed needed to be done was to try and figure out who had risen Gabriel. It had to be angel, an angel of considerable power, who could raise other angels from the dead.

If Sam could figure out how exactly the angel had risen him, there might be something there about stopping the upcoming problems. Sam started by looking up Angels of Death. Out of everything he knew, that seemed like the most reasonable thing.

Considering it was angels bringing other angels back from the dead, an angel that specified in death wasn't that much of a long shot. Even a child would have been able to put two and two together. At first he got no information.

It seemed like there was just nothing actually about Angels of Death, that they were nothing more than a myth. Dean came back inside after a while, answering Sam's question of what's up with "God damn Bobby doesn't know anything.". He went to the fridge, grabbing another beer before laying down on his bed.

Sam figured he was trying to sleep some - though why he needed alcohol to do that was beyond him. Finally, long after Dean had started snoring quietly, and Gabriel had turned the TV back on, Sam came across a page about an _Archangel of Death_.

He clicked on it, his interest peaked, and started to read. Some angel by the name of _Azrael_ who had a scythe and a book of death, categorizing and recording deaths.

Not only that, but from the looks of it Azrael didn't like it when there were unplanned deaths and probably had enough juice to raise an angel. Sam leaned forwards, resting his chin on his fist. It also looked like he would only die after every other angel, human, and in between did first.

So, Azrael was a strong, Archangel of Death, who was most likely still alive and had the power to pull off something like this. Sam turned to Gabriel, giving the angel a once over.

The blond was hanging off the side of the bed upside down, his head almost touching the ground. Gabe's hands were laying limp beside his head. He was starting contently at the TV and Sam almost hated that he'd have to get his attention away from it. Sam cleared his throat.

"Gabe." Gabriel jumped, looking over at Sam with wide, startled eyes. "You still know the names of angels right? Losing your... grace didn't mess with your memory, did it?"

Gabriel blew a raspberry, shaking his head. "Nah. I'm still super smart. I even know every name of every prophet to ever live. I can still speak Enochian." He whispered the last part, before giggling. Sam had to fight off a smile.

It was strange how that someone he should hate, had somehow wound his way into his heart. Sure, Sam probably wouldn't be doing anything life threatening for the angel - ex-angel, anytime soon, but it was still strange. 

He hadn't felt like this in a really long time. Having friends wasn't something the Winchesters really did, unless they were hunters. But Gabriel's smug, silly remarks were starting to become a common thing.

"Good. Do you remember an angel named Azrael?"

"That douche?" Gabriel laughed, sliding farther down the bed so that he was almost completely laying on the floor. The TV seemed long forgotten. "Yeah, I remember him. Always so damn serious, takin' anything he was assigned with far too literal. Dad got him listing dead people in some old leather book."

"He's an angel of death though, right?" Sam pushed. Gabriel squinted, thinking for a moment before he nodded. Sam sighed. At least he was getting somewhere for once. "Would he have the power to raise someone from the dead?"

"I mean, yeah, I guess." Gabriel said, squirming slightly. "He probably woul'nt intervene unless it wasn't s'possed to happen. He doesn't like havin' bad marks in his books. And it's kinda his job, too." Gabriel said calmly. Sam hummed, tipping back in his chair much like Dean had earlier.

"Would he raise an angel?" Gabriel looked at him weirdly, as if only just then noticing what he was getting at.

"Not me, he wouldn't." Sam was a little surprised by the anger in his voice, but he didn't let it bother him. He needed answers.

"Why not?"

"When I left Heaven, Azrael was one of the ones most pissed off at me. Said I made the Archangels look bad, or sm'thn."

"But if you weren't supposed to die, weren't supposed to be killed by Lucifer, wouldn't it be his job to fix it?" Sam asked, watching Gabriel as he pursed his lips in thought.

After a moment Gabriel did a sort of backwards summersalt off the bed and landed staring at the wall behind it.

"He quit caring about his brothers and sisters a long time ago." Gabriel said, and Sam was once again left with more questions than answers. He might have a possible candidate, but it wasn't even certain that that was happening. Sam jumped in time with Gabriel as a pillow went flying across the room from Dean's bed.

"If you two don't shut up, I'm going to kill you both."


	12. 6:30 A.M

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel's POV

Gabriel woke slowly, his eyes fluttering open to a mostly dark room. There was minimal light pouring in from the windows, a sort of yellowish orange, so he figured it was around six in the morning.

Or, something like that. He still wasn't that great at timeframes now. He shifted, his hand moving from underneath the pillow, bare legs running smooth on the sheets over him.

His brow furrowed as he frowned, looking down at himself. He had his - Dean's - shirt on and he was lying under a white, thin sheet.

The thick, wool blanket was bunched up at the bottom of the bed like he'd thrown it off or someone had moved it quickly. He wondered how he'd even gotten into bed.

Gabriel could hardly remember anything from the night before after Dean had started giving him drinks. He must have been really drunk. Wrapping a hand around his stomach, Gabriel used his other hand to push himself up into a partially sitting up position. 

That's when he noticed Sam, sitting at the table with his laptop open. His eyes were bloodshot, dark circles under his eyes, and the brightness on the laptop must have been blinding him for hours.

Gabriel leaned over to the lamp beside his bed and turned it on. He closed his eyes, the light hurting  _him_ , before blinking them back into focus.

When he looked back at Sam the younger Winchester was rubbing his eyes sluggishly. He must have been as unprepared for that as Gabriel had been. When he was done he looked at Gabe and gave him a half smile that seemed forced. It probably was, by how tired he looked.

Gabriel eased himself down on his side, still not taking his eyes off of Sam. He would have gotten up, save for the fact that he wasn't sure if he had anything on underneath the sheet.

He needed to wake up more to figure that one out. They stayed like that for a moment, in their almost staring contest, before Gabriel let out a sigh.

"What time is it?" He asked quietly. Sam shrugged, looking at the computer monitor for a moment.

"Six thirty." Hah. He was right. 

"Well, Sammy, I gotta say I like this whole lookout thing you got goin', but you need sleep to." Gabriel slurred, running a hand through his hair. Sam laughed, shaking his head and shutting the laptop. At least Gabriel's persuasive skills were still intact.

That woulda been a bitch to try and figure out how to get back. Gabriel couldn't fight off his own smile, no matter how hard he tried. Something about this stupid kid was managing to make him happy. Maybe.

He wasn't really sure what happiness was. Before, when he was still an angel, Gabriel had known something he'd called happiness for a while.

It was when he was still beside his Father, sending messages to humans, and being able to do what he felt right in dictating his brothers and sisters moves.

But then things changed, and because of his rank Gabriel had been able to just leave without anyone noticing for days. He hadn't felt his 'happiness' since then.

Sure, he had his candy, had his tricks and games, but it wasn't happiness. It was close, but it wasn't ever the same no matter how hard he tried. Gabriel had resigned himself to that fate a long time ago, never being able to be happy again.

But now, somehow, Sam Winchester was able to make him feel somewhat like he had when he'd been with his Father and siblings. Like he was part of a family again.

But he supposed if any human could do that, it would be a Winchester and all. What with their whole family thing. Family came first, family wasn't just blood, blah, blah, blah.

Hell, they'd even managed to get Castiel to betray Heaven more than once for them. Gabriel's brother had fallen for the Winchesters, and still would do it again, if the situation called for it. Hell, Gabriel had been willing to  _die_ for them. Had  _died for them_.

Gabriel shook his head, clearing his mind of those thoughts. It was  _not_ the time for this. He looked back at Sam, who was looking at him with this strange expression. Like he was trying to figure out a very complex puzzle just by staring at the scattered pieces.

Gabriel frowned, before letting a smirk roll smoothly across his face. Sam started, looking around the room like there might magically appear something that wasn't there a moment ago.

"Take a picture, Samsquash, 'cuz it lasts longer." Gabriel drawled out, and to add effect he stretched out on the bed like a cat, posing. He made sure to keep one arm over his stomach to keep the stitches from ripping again.

Though unlike he'd expected, Sam blushed darkly, looking down at his closed laptop. Gabriel eyed him, surprised. That was not something he'd ever expected to elicit form a Winchester. Sure, he flirted for his own amusement, but all he'd gotten from them was them being pissy.

Gabriel felt his own face heat up, so he covered as much face as he could with his free arm. He suddenly realized he needed to pee. And there was something nagging him.

"Hey, Sammy?"

"Hmm?"

"How'd I end up in bed - your bed - with no pants?" He couldn't see Sam, but if the amused snort was anything to go by he was probably grinning like an idiot. So whatever he'd done had been funny, then. He pursed his lips.

"You took them off because it was so hot, and then passed out trying to wake up Dean." Sam said, voice filled with amusement. "I had to move you to the bed. You tried to kick me when I put the blanket on you, though, so I only covered you with the sheets." Gabriel puffed out his cheeks, moving his arm down and away from his face.

Wasn't that just awesome? Well, he'd always suspected he'd be a strange drunk if he ever managed to actually _get_ drunk.

 He threw off the covers and stood, rolling his shoulders to rid them of the stiffness that he'd gotten from sleeping in such a shitty bed. When he got up the courage to look down at himself he noticed he was indeed wearing boxers - ones with hearts on them.

He snorted. Gabriel had forgotten about those. He stood, winching, before limping his way towards the bathroom. His entire right side was sore from when he'd fallen into the shower door. He noticed Sam watching him leave, so in the bathroom doorway he turned back to face him.

"You know, I'm out of your bed. Go sleep, you stupid genius." He said, and didn't wait for a reply before he shut the bathroom door and locked it.


	13. Rise 'n Shine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's POV

"Come on, Dean-o, Sammy thinks he's figured out what's going on!" Gabriel sang, his voice unnaturally chipper for - whatever time of day it was. It successfully woke him, and Dean rolled his head into his pillow. Gabriel scoffed. "We can't have that now, come on! Up and at 'em!"

Dean let out a protesting grunt when Gabriel landed heavily on his legs, sitting on them. He cracked an eye open, glaring at the ex-angel who was currently chewing on a piece of the mystery candy Dean had bought while sitting on his legs.

The blond was giving him a shit eating grin around the sweets in his mouth. Dean ground his teeth together.

"No." Was Dean's reply as he closed his eyes, trying to go back to sleep. Obviously Gabriel wouldn't have that, though, as the blond started to wiggle back and forth on him. It had to be the most disturbing, yet simultaneously most _Gabriel_ thing he'd done since they'd found him.

"I take it you're feeling more like yourself?" Dean asked quietly. Gabriel gave him a conferring hum in reply. He wiggled again, this time patting Dean's legs on each side of his body.

Dean frowned but didn't comment, not wanting to let the other man get satisfaction. Gabriel let out a high pitched noise that made Dean's ears ring in protest, but he still didn't talk.

"I've been given the very special task of waking a one, Dean Winchester," Gabriel said in a voice that mimicked a wrestling announcer. Dean snorted. "by any means necessary." He finished with a particularly painful wiggle that made Dean shift his legs.

Gabriel seemed to be pleased by this and did it again. The pressure on his legs were Gabriel sat was just on the wrong side of uncomfortable, and he shifted again.

"So this means sit on me?" Dean questioned, his voice deeper and rougher from lack of use than it normally was. Gabriel hummed, patting Dean on his thigh. Dean clenched his fists, trying to keep himself from either punching him or pushing him off. He wasn't sure which.

"That's just what I thought of after poking you with a stick didn't work." Dean rolled his eyes at that.

He would have woken up if anything poked him with a stick. When he slept he was on high alert, and any strange thing would have him instantly awake. But he could try to catch a few more hours when a certain annoying ex-Archangel was trying to wake him up.

Dean shifted again, before pulling his legs out from under Gabriel. The blond let out a yelp as he fell to the mattress, the bed letting out a protesting squeak at the change in weight distribution. Dean smirked. Ha, beat that. Gabriel smacked him in the leg.

"That hurt you ass. Come on, get up. Who am I going to bother if you don't wake up?"

"Go bother Sam if you're so desperate for attention." Dean complained, his eyes remanding tightly shut. Gabriel snorted and patted his thigh again. Dean fought the increasing urge to kick him.

"As much as I'd love that, Sammy needs to sleep. The lil' knight was valiantly staying awake researching." Dean frowned. He never liked it when Sam didn't sleep because he was researching. It wasn't healthy for him, especially not now after he so recently got his soul back.

"Not to worry, big brother. I sent him off to bed as soon as I realized it was past his bed time. But not before I had him tell me all his dirty little secrets." Gabriel finished, drawing out the last word in a sort of hiss.

Dean visioned him wiggling his fingers, too, to add to the drama. Or something like that. He rolled over onto his stomach, shaking his head.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Samich told me about his theory before he clocked out for today." Gabriel said matter-of-factly. "Now get up. I need someone to talk to. There is only so much one can do to entertain themselves in a shit motel like this. There are only three channels on the TV."

Dean groaned, covering his ears with his hands. "I'm not in the mood. I'll get up when he gets up." Gabriel tutted. Like a mother hen, for christ's sake.

"Dean-o, in the last twenty four hours I've been resurrected, stitched up, re-stitched, gotten drunk, and learned I was no longer an angel. If I can get up, so can you." He said, and past the amusement and sweetness, Dean could just barely tell how old Gabriel really was.

Or how old his mind was. Since he was human the two weren't mutually exclusive anymore. Dean rolled onto his back, opening his eyes and giving a dramatic sigh. Gabriel raised his eyebrows at him in a silent question.

"Fine." Dean ground out and regretted it as soon as he'd said it. Gabriel's face lit up and he was bouncing into a stand before Dean could have said 'asshole'.

"That's the spirit." Gabriel chirped, before sashaying off towards the table and grabbing the mystery candy. He popped three multicolored balls into his mouth and pursed his lips while he sucked on them. Dean pushed himself up, standing, and giving the bathroom a hard look.

A shower didn't seem like such a bad idea at - he looked to the clock on the wall then. It was eight o' clock in the morning. He wondered how long Gabriel had been awake before he was walking over to the shower.

Gabriel gave him a confused, hurt puppy look and Dean rolled his eyes. For a mind of a thousand year old, Gabriel was a real child.

"I'm taking a shower."

"When can I take one?" Gabriel questioned just as Dean was about to close the door. Dean raised an eyebrow as he looked back at him. "A shower, I mean. I've never been fond of 'em, but I don't want to be smelling like you after a hunt."

Dean ignored the last comment, turning back into the room and shutting the door as loudly as possible. "Sam can take you to a spa or something for a bath. Or we could hose you down." Dean said with a smirk.

It be hysterical looking at Gabriel as he was cleaned with cold hose water. Dean didn't hear Gabriel's response because he turned on the water and started to focus on getting undressed.

A shower would clear his mind, and by then the early morning nausea would be under control enough for him to go buy food - and actually eat it.


	14. Fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's POV
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ~(Possible tw: detailed fight scene and death)~

Wind howled around him, scratching his face and stirring up his hair. Waking up felt sluggish, like he wasn't supposed to, not yet. But he did anyway. Castiel groaned, rolling over onto his side. As soon as he did he gasped violently, his angel blade digging deeper into his back.

Pain was spreading across his back, and below him the dirt had turned into mud from the amount of blood he'd lost. He was dizzy and his vision was blurred, but he could remember clearly what had happened.

Cas wasn't quite sure how long he'd been out, but he needed to get away from there as soon as possible.

Crowley and his minions could be tracking him down right now. He still needed to warn Dean. Castiel pushed himself up, trying his hardest to ignore the pain in his back. He needed to go somewhere safe. He didn't actually know a safe place. Before, it'd been Heaven.

But that had been before Dean had shattered what he'd though his home was, before he had gone against Heaven for the humans. Wait. Yes, safe.

The only other safe place he knew wasn't really a place, but a person. Dean. Castiel closed his eyes, using his dwindling grace to search out the hunter.

It was difficult, straining. It was like walking through a sea of light, hardly able to see anything and trying to find one distinguishing change.

It was hard enough wading through it on normal days recently, but with the wound he'd gotten... Cas gaged, opening his eyes and dropping the connection.

He couldn't do this. He was too weak. Flying away from Crowley like he had, falling from flight - it had take it's toll too. There was no way he was going to be able to find Dean in all of this. Castiel closed his eyes, taking a steadying breath.

He was going to die here. _No. He couldn't._ He _had_ to warn Dean and Sam. He needed to right his wrong. Castiel opened his eyes to a chattering sound, like a bug, and a demon was standing a little ways off.

Her true face was dark and beetle like, and her true voice was the chattering noise. She was telling others to come, that she'd found Castiel. Cas ground his teeth together, reaching behind himself and pulling his angel blade from his back in one swift movement.

The demon hissed, surging forwards in attempt to kill him. Castiel jumped out of the way just in time, the demon crashing head first into the mud-dirt.

He turned again and struck her in the shoulder. She screeched, both with her vessel and true self. The demon twisted, dislodging Castiel's blade before swiping at him.

Cas stumbled back, three deep cuts from her fingernails forming across his face. He glared at her as she got back up, before pulling out an angel blade of her own. Castiel blinked, shocked, before anger took over. Monsters like her, demons, weren't supposed to even touch such a powerful weapon as an angel blade.

And another angel had been killed for it. He wasn't naive enough to think they'd simply stolen it.

Castiel surged forwards, his blade pushed outwards. The demon dodged, but Cas cut her side and she fell down with a holler again. He wasted no time, spinning on her and thrusting the blade into her back.

Unlike Crowley, he didn't miss her human heart. It killed the vessel - but the demon died with it. Castiel pulled his blade out, panting. He needed to find Dean. He closed his eyes again, pushing through the thick, whiteness in search again. Around him he heard demons clacking and roaring to each other.

They were advancing, three from the back and two from the front. He would have been able to kill them of he wasn't wounded.

Instead, he focused on finding Dean. There were thousands of humans, and not all of them were warded against unwanted lookers like the Winchesters were.

Before Castiel had learned of Crowley's betrayal, Cas had warded them against him in their sleep. He hadn't wanted him to be able to find them if their deal went sour. He was glad he had done that now.

They were almost on him, watching him warily with their disgusting eyes. Castiel concentrated harder. He needed to find Dean.

Suddenly he was there, like standing in front of Castiel personally. He knew where they were, Cas had a lock on Dean. Just as one of the monsters lunged at him Castiel flew, taking off in the direction of Dean.

It hurt, worse now that when he'd first tried to fly. But he wouldn't stop this time, couldn't, because this was how he got to Dean. He wasn't sure how long his hold on him would last, so he just hoped he'd get there before it was gone.

Finally after what felt like forever, Castiel landed. He was standing in a dated motel, mold growing under the floorboards. It wasn't dangerous mold. There were three people in the room.

He managed to look up, his eyes landing on someone he thought long dead. It was his brother, Gabriel. Archangel Gabriel, lost to Heaven and lost to life.

He was alive. And, as Castiel looked at him in surprise, he noticed he was also human. Gabriel was equally surprised, his mouth dropping open as he was about to toss something into his mouth.

Castiel's eyes dropped and he swayed on his feet. He doubted he'd be able to stay awake much longer, but he longed to.

Wanted to know how his brother was still alive. He'd thought him dead. Gabriel made a noise, of confusion no doubt, before he was talking.

"Castiel." Was all he got out before Castiel was crashing into the floor, hard. It made his back pull strangely, pain prickling across it viciously. It hurt. His conscious stayed for another moment, just long enough for Gabriel to talk again. " _Dean_ \- Sam, wake _up_! Cas is-"

His vision went fuzzy and he let out a groan. He thought he heard someone getting out of a bed, and someone else stepping out of a bathroom. Water dripped somewhere and landed on the carped. A shower was still going. That wouldn't help the mold, he though, just as he blacked out once again.


	15. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's POV

Sam stumbled out of bed, almost falling as well as his feet got tangled in the sheets. His eyes grew wide as he saw the angel splayed across the floor. "Cas!" Sam shouted, fear taking over and shoving his tired bleariness out the window.

The angel was lying on the ground, facedown in the carpet, and Gabriel was staring down at him in horror. He wasn't moving to help though, like if he touched Cas he'd break him. So Sam did instead, his hand covering the wound on his back.

It stopped the bleeding for the moment, and Sam looked up in time to see his bother rushing towards them - in nothing but a towel. Normally he would have told Dean to go back into the bathroom and get dressed, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Even if it was really awkward. 

Dean knelt down beside him, a hand hovering uselessly above Castiel's head, the other holding his towel up. Sam looked at his brother sternly. "Dean, go get the med kit. We need to stop the bleeding."

Dean nodded, getting ready to stand but Gabriel's hand to his shoulder stopped him. Sam looked at him questioningly.

"Him bleeding human blood isn't that bad. Cas can't die from it. He's bleeding grace, Sam. Stitching him up won't do anything to help. His real self is injured." Gabriel looked worried, and scared, and it wasn't something Sam liked to see on his normally smiling face.

It made him look more serious and a little lost. But what he'd just said was leaving more questions than answers.

He was _bleeding_ out his _grace_? Was he going to die, and if so, how long did they have to stop it? If they even could. Dean made a confused noise and then he was standing. Sam watched him tie off the towel so it stayed on, before Dean was pushing Sam out of the way.

Sam was about to protest, but Dean stopped him. "Get me a towel, Sam." He said, and there it was, the concern he'd been lacking with Gabriel.

His brother was now all worried and desperate, ready to do anything to save Castiel. He knew why it hadn't been there with Gabe, but now even so it made him angry. It wasn't the time to act on it. But he wanted to so badly.

Nonetheless Sam nodded, standing up and running to the bathroom. He grabbed a small, yellowish hand towel from the cabinet next to the sink. It probably wasn't very clean, but it'd work for what they needed. When Sam got back, Gabriel hadn't moved from his spot.

But his hands were over his mouth like he was trying to keep from throwing up or screaming. It made Sam sick to see two people he cared about so upset, and the other dying.

Wait, _what_? What did he just catagorize Gabriel as? Someone he _cared about_? Dean yelled at him, voice thick and commanding, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Dean was pressing down hard against the wound, and that was when he noticed the dim white light that was slowly pouring out of him. Sam blinked, before going back beside his brother and kneeling down.

Dean snatched away the towel, covering the wound in it and pressing down. Cas let out a quiet groan of pain, and Sam watched as his brothers focused worry turned to pity.

"I know, Cas, I know. It hurts, but you gotta bear with it, okay? Can you hear me?" Dean obviously thought he was waking up. Sam wasn't so optimistic. The wound on his back looked bad, and if the blood loss hadn't knocked him out, than the pain would. But he was an angel, so maybe his recovery time was quicker.

Hell if Sam knew. Then, as if trying to reply, Castiel let out a incoherent gurgle. Dean's face contorted and he looked as if something inside him broke. Sam's face fell. That wasn't good, on either party's sides.

"Dean, let's get his coat off." Sam offered, looking at his older brother. Dean was breathing too quickly and he was starting to sweat, so Sam needed to intervene. He looked up at Gabriel.

"Gabe, clear the blankets off my bed and take all the pillows off too. Leave one though, for Cas." Sam said, nodding to the blond. Gabriel shuffled over to his bed and started taking off the blankets. Sam looked back to Dean and placed a reassuring hand to his back.

"Dean, let's get his coat off." Sam repeated. Dean jumped, before nodding. He moved the washcloth away and with help of Sam, they more or less manhandled the trench coat off of Castiel.

Then they moved him to the bed, laying him face down on one of the pillows. Dean sat beside him, and pressed the towel to his back again.

The shirt underneath the towel was soaked in blood and Sam had too look away. Gabriel was looking at him expecting - something. Sam shrugged. "I guess all we can do is wait until he comes to?"

Dean made a noise behind him, like a startled cow, that Sam took as agreement. He watched his brother for another moment, before swatting his arm and taking the towel from him.

"Go get dressed. Cas will still be here when you get back." Dean jumped up, saying something under his breath, before running off towards the bathroom. Sam looked at Gabriel.

"Will he-?" Sam started but was cut off by a shrug.

"Donno. He should be fine, unless he somehow drained his grace complelty. Cas should get better with rest." Gabriel said. Sam raised an eyebrow, shifting his hold on the cloth.

" _Should_?"

"Or he could go into a grace induced coma. I lost a few friends that way." Gabriel quietly said, his voice resigned.

Sam's mouth dropped open in fear and shock, but he closed it again when Cas made another noise. Gabriel was looking at his brothe with almost as much fear as Dean had been. Sam pressed a little harder.

A second after, Dean came barreling out of the bathroom. That was the quickest he'd ever gotten dressed.


	16. Lay Back? Relax?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shits about to go DOWN

"How long do we need to give him to rest?" Dean asked, pacing back and forth. Gabriel was watching him and Dean knew it, so he'd directed his question to the former angel. If any of them knew what was going on it was him. Even if Dean didn't really want to admit it to himself. 

"A few hours?" Gabriel asked. Dean spun around, glaring at him. Gabriel raised his hands in surrender.

"I don't know, Dean. It's different for each angel, and I haven't really been in touch with him for a while. I haven't asked how long it takes for him to recharge. Kinda busy with bein' dead." Dean groaned and started back on his pacing.

Beside him, Castiel was laying face down on Sam's bed with Sam himself keeping the bleeding gown. Dean would have taken the role, but right then he really didn't think he'd be any use. He was freaking out. Which he didn't admit often, but it was true nonetheless. Dean wasn't good with people he lo--- had  _feeling_  for, getting hurt.

For christ's sake, he'd made a deal with Death himself just to get his brother back. There wasn't anything he  _wouldn't do_ for his family. Including bringing them back from the dead. Dean looked over his shoulder, taking in the sight of Cas.

He was stiff as a rock and every now and again he'd make these weird little pained noises. Dean's brow furrowed in worry as he watched the angel. Gabriel had said he  _should_ be fine. That if Cas managed to heal himself he was going to recover and be himself again. He  _should_ be okay as long as he hadn't spend up his grace. He  _should_ be fine, is what Gabriel had said.

Gabriel had said -- oh, to  _hell_  with what Gabriel had said! That guy was a douche and a liar, there was no way Dean was about to trust him. Sam trusted him, and that just made his point more clear. Sam had a habit of trusting all the wrong people.

He'd trusted Ruby, and look where  _that_ had gotten them. Dean just wasn't going to trust Gabriel until he actually did something trustworthy. 

Dean crossed his arms, glaring at his brother. When Sam finally looked up he shook his head, indicating no change. Pursing his lips, Dean turned back to Gabriel. A stray strand of wet hair left a trail of water just above his browline, and Dean whipped it away with his sleeve. He couldn't believe that he'd just been taking a shower about ten - fifteen, minutes ago.

And now, one of his best friends might be dying. And there was absolutely nothing he could do about it and hope he woke up soon. Dean frowned, shaking his head. He wasn't just going to stay here and twiddle his thumbs. He shot Gabriel a look, one he hoped meant follow me, before he went grabbed his keys and marched out the door.

It was light, the sky clear and the sun was beating down harshly. There were some clouds rolling in from the east but Dean paid them no mind. They didn't really mean anything to him. A moment later and the sounds of the motel door closing signaled Dean to turn around.

Gabriel was standing there, watching him suspiciously, and his arm was around his stomach. That was like a perpetual constant with this guy, wasn't it? Dean rolled his eyes, banishing that thought. He had things he needed to be doing. 

"What was it that Sam found?" Dean asked and watched as Gabriel blinked, surprised. He sighed loudly, making sure Gabriel knew he was mocking him. "Before. When you were trying to wake me up, you said Sam had found something. He told you what it was. What was it?"

"He- he told me he found a suspect. Of who brought me back. In fact, it's an old acquaintance of mine. Not sure why he'd try and raise me from the dead, though. The guy hates my guts." Gabriel told him, but then he paused, mouth falling open. It seemed he was starting to catch on. Hopefully. "Wait, are you thinking about summoning him? Because, in my opinion, that's a really dumb fucking idea."

"I don't care if it's dumb." Dean hissed, pointing to the motel door as he took two steps closer to Gabriel. With the height difference it gave Dean what felt like an advantage, but Gabriel stood his ground. "Cas is _hurt_ and I can't just sit here. I need to do  _something_. And there's nothing I can do for Cas here... so I'm going to find whoever thought it was a good idea to bring  _you_ back from the dead." 

Gabriel scoffed, his free hand landing on his hip in a dramatic fashion. "And just what are you planning on doing when you summon him, hmmm? Just gonna have  a nice chat over tea?  _Threaten him?_ Dean, you don't know him, okay? This angel will kick your ass and won't even call it a workout. He's an Archangel, for dad's sake!"

Dean rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest again. "Oh, yeah, because I haven't dealt with  _Archangels_ before. I think I'll be fine." Dean retorted. Gabriel puffed up, his nostrils flaring as he took a step into Dean's personal space.

He must have been on his tip toes because he was suddenly closer to his face than before. Dean had to fight the urge to back away.

"He's a goddamn Archangel of Death, for fucks sake, Dean! There is no way you are going to be able to deal with him!" Gabriel shouted. Dean only just then noticed a trace of fear on the other man's face. Dean blinked back his shock.

"And to top it all off, he's  _fucking insane_. I mean, come on? A guy writes in a book about how many humans die and when so he can get daddy's approval? And when he never gets it, stays sane? I don't think so. He's not safe, Dean." 

Dean sighed as Gabriel took a step back, dropping down to his normal height. Once he seemed calmer, Dean cleared his throat. Gabriel's strange, golden eyes were on him in a minute and it was only a  _little_  disconcerting.

"Well, Gabriel, if you didn't know I kind of dealt with  _Death_ himself, so an angel of death shouldn't be that hard." Gabriel's eyes widened, then he was squinting at Dean suspiciously. 

"More than for the ring?" He asked. Dean swallowed hard.  _Shit_.

"No." The lie rolled off his tongue smoothly, and then he was holding his breath hoping Gabriel would buy it. After another moment he sighed, his shoulders sagging, and Dean could breathe again. Gabriel rubbed his forehead like he was getting a headache, before waving the same hand in a little circle.

"Let's say, theoretically of course, we do manage to summon him. What's your plan? Just... ask him why he brought me back to life?" Gabe asked and Dean shrugged, nodding his head.

"Yeah, that's about it."

"Well I want to be there when you summon him." Came Gabriel's reply, and Dean shot him a confused look. Like hell he was going to let him come. What if it was some kind of evil plan to kidnap the ex-angel? Sam would kick his ass for putting a hurt guy in danger.

"You aren't-"

"And you _aren't_ getting his name until you let me go." 

Dean frowned. "I'll just ask Sammy-"

"He won't tell you. Not while Cas is like this." Gabriel shot back. Dean sighed. He supposed that taking another person wouldn't be _that_ bad of an idea. He tipped his head back, glaring at the sky. Oh, this was going to be so much fun. Having an ex-trickster-Archangel on a hunt for another Archangel who was supposedly insane. Today was turning out swell.

"Fine. Whatever. Just - you on board? For summoning him?" Dean asked. 

"Nope." Gabriel shook his head, popping the 'p' noisily. Just as Dean was about to comment, Gabriel raised his hand to stop him. " _Buuut_ \- this is the only lead you've got. 'N I'm kind of the only one here who actually cares about why I was brought back, so why the hell not? I've done crazier things in my time." _  
_

Dean snorted. "I bet you have. And - don't say that. It makes you sound  _old_."

"I'm  _historical_." Gabriel told him. Dean shook his head. This was going to be fun. 


	17. Doubts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel's POV

It was a  _ver_ _y_ bad idea. But, out of everything Gabriel had done - like fighting his older brother Lucifer to the death -, this wasn't as bad as it could get he supposed. He still thought they were either going to both be killed, or Azrael just wouldn't show.

Unlike a lot of other creatures, angel or demon, Azrael had the power to blow off a summoning. Death could too, though Gabriel supposed he just didn't go it that often. Considering he  _did_ go to Dean when he called. Gabriel looked out the window, watching as the houses drifted away.

Dean was driving them out to an abandoned farmhouse for the summoning. Which was a really good idea in case Azrael decided to get violent. Which he hoped he wouldn't. He was still getting used to this whole 'human' thing, but so far he's pretty sure he doesn't like pain.

And if Cassie was still out for the count, then he'd have to deal with whatever happens to him instead of counting for angelic healing. Dean says something, something about the farmhouse, but Gabriel isn't really listening. He's more worried about seeing Azrael again.

Last time he'd seen him, Gabriel had almost killed him. His brother had found him, screamed at him for betraying Heaven and then tried to forcefully bring him back to his duties. Of course Gabriel couldn't let that happen, and he also couldn't just fly away.

He needed to show his brother that he  _wasn't going anywhere_. They'd fought, and in the end Azrael lay bleeding out on the rich satin carpet. The blood was almost the exact same color, he can remember vividly. 

 _"You can't just leave us!"_ Azrael had screamed at him as he'd walked away. Gabriel had paused, looking back at his brother. Azrael was crying like a human baby, looking up at him with sorrow that Gabriel had never seen on an angel. At the time, it'd made him sick. _"You are the messenger! You are gods right hand, Gabriel! Wha- what will we do without you?"_  

Gabriel can remember what he'd said. _"Honestly, Azzy? I don't care what you do. Not my problem anymore."_ He'd laughed, rolling his shoulders and walking towards the door.

Azrael had screamed like something was ripping out his grace. And Gabriel had ignored him, just like that. Like he didn't care. And he hadn't. Still doesn't, if he's honest with himself.

He should have known Azrael was going to get revenge. Though if he thinks bringing him back to life was revenge... Gabriel doesn't really see how that works. He looks up at Dean, eying the other. Dean thinks Azrael was the one who'd brought him back, just like Sam did.

But as Gabriel thinks about it, he's not so sure. Azrael was only ever violent when he'd been forced to actually kill anyone. God commanded something and Azrael did it, even if he'd had to get his hands dirty from time to time. Any other time, Azrael was basically just a really powerful nerd.

He got focused on how the humans did things, how they lived, and most importantly how they died. He thought it was fascinating if one of them was born with a defective pancreas they could die before they turned twelve. He liked to watch the doomed humans like a science project, always writing down in a little notebook or pad of paper.

Gabriel has a hard time thinking that his brother would use bringing him back to life as a punishment. Unless he was going to get something out of watching Gabriel die as a human, there wasn't anything about this that was revenge like.

Azrael was a crazy bastard and would rather use Gabriel as an experiment to see how long it took to kill him, as an Archangel, than as a human dying slowly and aging. 

Sighing, Gabriel looks back out the window. Dean thumps him against the arm and Gabriel glares out the window, but doesn't look up. "Dude, what's up with you? You're like a moody teenager, or something." Dean says and Gabriel can't help the snort that comes out of him. 

"Yeah? You'd know." Gabriel retorts as he looks back to Dean, a smirk growing across his face. Dean rolls his eyes and he looks back to the road. After a moment Gabriel takes pity on him, shaking his head. "I think we've got the wrong guy."

Dean shoots him a look, before shrugging halfheartedly. "You said it yourself, he's crazy.  _And_  he's an Archangel of Death. If anyone with the God-Squad can raise an angel back from the dead, wouldn't it be him?" Gabriel hums in agreement. That part is true, but...

"Except I'm not an angel anymore, and I wasn't when I got back. Whoever raised me took my grace. Azrael is crazy, but he isn't  _dumb_. He knows the repercussions of something like that. He's all about the rules, sticking to his job, and if he steals another angel's grace he'd fall. He wouldn't risk his position for that. He likes where he's at, Dean." Gabriel told him with as much sincerity as he could. Right now he really needed the oldest Winchester to believe him. 

"You sure you just aren't saying this because you want us to  _not_ summon him? I won't have you jeopardizing this hunt because of some family issues."

Gabriel rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest.  _Wow_. "You think I like being  _human_? If there was even a change that Azrael has my grace, I'd summon him my damn self. I just don't think he does."

Dean paused and for a moment Gabriel hoped he'd actually gotten across to the other. But then Dean shook his head and Gabriel knew he'd lost him. "Right now he's our only lead. We can start with him, see if he knows anything."

Gabriel looked back out the window, sighing. "Yeah, sure. Let's just hope he doesn't kill us in the process." Dean makes a painful sounding grunt, but doesn't comment further. Just as well anyways, considering the trees are turning into fields and Gabriel realizes they're getting closer. 


	18. Summons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was posted so late at night, I didn't have internet all day :/  
> Also it's 10:48 here so technically still the same day. So - I MADE IT. Yea!

"Alright." Dean said, standing back up. Gabriel raised an eyebrow, and Dean gestured to the bowl in front of him. The ingredients are bruning, though they're almost out now. "I did it. Now we just wait."

"That's it? Wow. Honestly I expected something a little more-" He made a weird little gesture with his hands, flapping them around like he was trying to convey _something_. Dean rolled his eyes. If this hand thing was going to become regular with Gabriel, he was going to have to punch himself in the face. It was beyond annoying. "-well, more. He's the Archangel of Death, shouldn't there be something weird when we summon him? Like shaking house, exploding lamps, some fancy light show?" 

Dean shrugged. "How am I supposed to know, dude, you're the one with the psychotic brother." Gabriel glared at him and Dean couldn't help the little swell of amusement.

"I prefer  _eccentric_." A deep voice interrupted, making both him and Gabriel jump. Dean spun around, locking eyes with a very tall, pale man who - he looked like a librarian. Or a really stingy lawler. Dean can't figure out which one he dislikes more.

He has black hair, style to sweep over and back cross his head. It was short and fluffy, and he wore a tux that made him look like a praying mantis in a suit. He's clean shaven and doesn't look to be more than twenty. Or at least the vessel isn't, because he's pretty sure an angel is gonna be more than twenty years old. Dean raised an eyebrow. This... wasn't what he had been expecting. At all. 

"Wow." Gabriel said, speaking up before Dean could say anything. He didn't look behind him to know that Gabe was coming closer to his brother. "You look different than the last time I saw you. Get a haircut?" He asked, and Dean had to keep himself from snorting. The librarian's eyes widened and he moved his hands behind his back. 

"You should not be alive." Azrael - or at least who Dean figures is Azrael - says matter-of-factly. He looks mad, and kind of exasperated, to say the least, and Dean looks over at Gabriel to see how he's reacting. He's hard to read, even for Dean, so he can't figure out anything. 

Dean turns back to the angel, crossing his arms over his chest. Azrael turns to him and smirks. It's unnerving, the way the angel is so calm. Now that he's really here, in front of them both, Dean thinks that maybe Gabriel was right. That they shouldn't have summoned him. But it's too late to back out now, so Dean takes a step forwards.

"You bring him back to life?" Dean questioned him. Azrael turns his head, and Dean can't help but think of Cas. Cas, laying in the bed at the motel, bleeding out. Azrael laughs then, his teeth looking almost sharp. Gabriel grabs Dean's arm and pulls him back.

"Don't- don't look too closely, Dean. He's trying to read your mind. Just, think about as little as possible." Gabriel actually looks worried. That's something else Dean hasn't expected. This entire week has just been one strange thing after another, and Dean's starting to get a little tired of the surprises. "Shouldn't be too hard for you, right?"

Dean snorts and turns back to Azrael. "Yeah. But he still hasn't answered my question. Did you bring him back to life?"

"No." Azrael says, looking down at his feet as he kicks an old beer can away from him. He looks back up with a sigh, shaking his head. "I have got to be sure to thank whomever did, though. Now, I can just kill you myself. And by the looks of it, it will be easy. Seeing as you are not an angel anymore. Right, brother?"

"Ah. That's my cue to leave. We've got everything we needed right? Right. Okay, so I'm just going to - yeah." Gabriel stumbles over his words like Cas does when he's confused, Dean realizes with a roll of his eyes.  Azrael makes a noise similar to clicking his tongue, and then suddenly Gabriel is frozen in his spot, eyes wide. 

"Wha- what are you doing to him?" Dean demands, glaring at the angel. Azrael shrugs, letting a grin spread across his face. Something inside Dean spurs him into movement, stepping between Gabriel and the Archangel. It's not sentiment, that's for sure, but he does it anyway. Maybe so he doesn't get chewed out by Sam for letting him die. Sam would be pissed about that. 

"Oh-ho-ho!" Azrael laughs, clapping his hands. Dean raises an eyebrow. Either he's really missing something here or - this guy is actually nuts. Which with Gabriel's family, it wouldn't be that surprising. "Are you protecting the little traitor?" 

"Nah." Dean says, taking another step closer to Azrael. Behind him Gabriel makes a noise, something similar to a protest, but Dean ignores him. He needs to focus. "Believe me, I'd love him dead just as much as you - but sadly, my brother seems to think even little shits like him are worth second chances. So, I'm going to ask you a few questions, and then we're going to leave." 

"What makes you think I will let you, hmm, boy?" Azrael all but growls and Dean fights the urge to flinch. That would be counter productive. 

"Because, if I'm getting this right, you're an Archangel  _of_ Death. That means that Death, actual Death, is stronger than you, right?" Azrael blinks in confusion. Hah, now he's got him.

"What does that have to do with -"

"See, I'm kind of on good terms with Death. The guy loves me, actually." Another noise from Gabriel, this time questioning. He should really shut up. "And if I tell him you killed someone that I need alive, I can get him to kick your feathery ass." Azrael frowned, shifting uncomfortably.

He doesn't protest though, so that's good. There's silence, unkind silence that has Dean worried he's failed. But then he's sighing and letting his arms go limp beside him. 

"What do you want then?"


	19. Deserving Of

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's POV

His head hurt. Hurt like someone was repeatedly kicking it and his head felt like someone was pressing down on it as hard as they could. That wasn't something that Castiel was fond of, if he said so himself. It wasn't as bad as before, when he'd woken up in the dirt.

But now he thinks the massive use of his grace is worsened, because he feels a little foggy. Everything around him isn't coming in correctly. He can't tell where everything in the room is like he normally can, is just getting blurs and blobs of maybe there furniture.

He shouldn't have tried to fly again, not after he'd fallen down mid-flight before, but he'd needed to get to Dean. He'd had to - _Dean_. He still doesn't know where Dean is, and he has to get the message to him.

He's partially sure he saw Gabriel, his dead brother, but that might just as easily have been pain induced hallucinations. Though he'd never hallucinated from pain before, there's no reason he can't start now. 

He needed to find Dean as soon as possible. Castiel groaned, getting his arms underneath himself as he pushed himself up. Or at least tried to. Someone was pushing him back down onto the bed.

He didn't feel in danger, but that didn't necessarily mean he wasn't. He opened his eyes, just enough to be able to see, and let out a quiet sigh when he recognized who it was. It was Sam, sitting on the bed beside him with an expression almost impossible to read.

If it'd been Dean, Cas would have said he was angry but sad, like he'd sometimes gotten when talking to him. But it's almost impossible to tell with Sam sometimes. Sam was there. That meant he'd managed to get to the Winchesters. At least the younger one. 

"Cas - buddy, are you...? You awake?" Sam questioned, his voice a mix of hope and fear. It was good to hear hope in his voice again, after he'd lost it so long ago. The Winchesters needed more hope in their lives. Especially now. Soon, they'd need to use that hope to defeat Crowley. 

"Whhr 'm I?" He slurred out. Castiel closed his eyes again, letting out a tired groan. He felt, as Dean would put it, like absolute shit. His body was aching and his back - he wasn't even going to  _start_ on his back. Sam laughed above him, a breathy thing that was fully of joy. 

"Uh, Nebraska. Outside Albatross." Sam told him. Cas pushed himself up again, trying to get into a sitting position but Sam pushed him back down on the bed. It made his back pull strangely and he let out a pained groan. 

"'S pnnful...hurts." Castiel told him. Sam made a noise of agreement, like he knew what Castiel was feeling. And he probably did, to a degree. Sam was the boy who'd just gotten his soul shoved back in his body. Castiel couldn't even begin to imagine the type of agonizing pain that could cause. He has some idea from when he'd touched humans souls before, but other than that he had no idea. 

"Yeah, yeah Cas you got - you got hurt pretty badly." His voice is wavering, watery, and Castiel realizes that he's probably holding of tears. Which must be of joy because there's nothing to be  _sad_ about. Oh right. He got hurt.

Castiel let out an unnecessary puff of air, concentrating on the vessel's body. He's searching for wounds that he needs to close to keep himself contained. His celestial body is probably wounded too, but that will heal over time. Right now he needs to focus on the vessel.

The wounds are pretty clear, easy to distinguish against the unharmed skin. An angel blade wound to his back, definitely cutting down into his celestial body, and some bruising from kicks and such on his chin.

He uses his grace, pushing out towards the vessel, and heals it. It's straining, and Castiel is sure he's going to be paying for using this much power all at once, but he needs to be able to stand. He needs to be able to look Dean in the eye when he tells him what he's done. That way Dean will actually feel inclined to punch him. 

Sure, he doesn't actually  _want_ Dean to punch him in the face. Or anywhere else. But he deserves it for what he's done, and it will help Dean cope with his anger and disappointment in Castiel.

Though if he's sitting down, or lying down, bleeding out, Dean will only feel the need to yell a little and storm out. He deserves all of Dean's fury and anger right now. He also deserves it from Sam. 

Finally the wounds are healed, and Castiel pushes himself up quickly enough that Sam doesn't even have a change to protest. Cas is kneeling on a bed, his legs tucked underneath him in a way that would be painful if he was human.

Sam is beside him, sitting crosslegged - or as close to it as a man of his height can achieve. Castiel rolls his shoulders, testing the newly healed skin of his vessel. When the skin doesn't immediately split back open, Cas turns to Sam.  

"Wh- where's Dean?" He asks, clearing his throat. He doesn't want to be slurring right now. It's not the time.

Sam's face pales considerably and he shifts uncomfortably, or at least what Castiel thinks is discomfort. He still hasn't gotten very good at reading humans, but he thinks he's at least 'okay' with the Winchesters emotions. 

"Dean, he's working a case. Why? Is something wrong?" Sam shrugs, confusion - that one Cas knows - lacing his words. 

"Yes. Something is very wrong, Sam. Crowley is attempting to eat the souls in purgatory to gain unlimited power and take control of how Earth - and Heaven, if I'm not mistaken - run. I don't think we have much time before he starts tracking me again." Castiel informs him, trying to get to the point as quickly as possible.

Sam's mouth drops open, like he's in shock, and Cas can't really blame him. He was surprised when he'd found out too.

"I'll- I'll call Dean." Sam says quietly, before scrambling off the bed and grabbing his phone. 


	20. Don't Mess Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel's POV
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
> OMg guys I am /SOOOOO/ sorry it took so long to update this fanfiction. I was on a much longer vacation than I thought, and the entire time I was in a writing rut and couldn't think of a way to go with this chapter. I'm going to try and post more, sadly not every day. I will try to get two or three in a week, but I make no guarantees. Again, sorry for the wait, but I hope it was worth it!!!

The temperature difference from outside and the barn were surprisingly strong. The air left Gabriel breathless for a moment and he wondered why it was so cold. Though it might not have even been that cold, him being newly human still making things like heat and coldness very noticeable for him.

It wasn't as if he didn't know what they were - now, at least - but they were still slightly shocking to him nonetheless. Dean came out a moment later, letting the barn door shut with a loud screech and bang that made Gabriel's ears ring strangely.

Dean sighed, slipping his gun back into his pants. He'd pulled it out about halfway through their conversation with Azrael, getting pissed about his inability to comply. It wouldn't kill him, but as it turned out Azrael _really_ didn't want his suit to get fucked up. Said he didn't like wasting his grace on fixing something so petty. 

"So, I guess he  _really_ doesn't know anything, huh?" Gabriel asked, rubbing the back of his neck. Ever since Azrael had let him go from his weird paralysis thing, Gabriel's neck had been hurting like a bitch. Beside him Dean shrugs, shoving his hands in his pockets. He looks a little shaken, which is reasonable considering, but otherwise unharmed.

"If he didn't raise you, and he doesn't know who did..." Dean trails off and Gabriel watches him as his face falls. Of course he knows what's going on. Without any lead from Azrael, they don't know who did it. They won't be able to figure out how to stop the deaths, and they are back to the beginning. Gabriel presses his lips into a thin line.

Normally he wouldn't care about humans dying, or even finding out about who raised him even, but with human emotion it's a little harder not to feel bad about thoughts that involve letting people die. He's starting to think he's not ever going to get a handle on these stupid human emotions rampaging throughout his body - and he's starting to think he doesn't care as much as he should. 

"Well, what  _do_ we know?" Dean asked, sounding just slightly annoyed. Gabriel hummed in thought, thinking of a good answer. But before he had the chance, a shrill set of three rings sounded from Dean's pocket. Gabriel and he jumped, and the blond put a hand to his heart and made an offended noise.

"Give me a heart attack, why don't ya'!" 

Rolling his eyes, Dean pulled the phone out of his pocket and looked at the caller ID. It must have been someone he knew, because a moment later he pressed the answer button. "Yeah?" He asked. For once in his life, Gabriel found himself at a disadvantage.

He couldn't actually  _hear_   what the conversation was on the other end of the line. He didn't know who had called and he didn't know what they were saying. Sure, he could still hear Dean's end of the line, but whoever called? It was downright disconcerting. 

Gabriel crossed his arms over his chest, moving his weight from one foot to the other as he waited for Dean to say anything. Maybe he could get some idea of what was going on from that. Hopefully.

"What?" Dean almost shouted, successfully making Gabriel jump again. He raised an eyebrow, eyeing Dean suspiciously. After a moment Dean smiled wide, letting out a shaky laugh. "Oh - oh fuck, yeah, that's great! How's he doing? Does he seem fine?"

Now Gabriel was  _really_ interested. Was it about Castiel? He was starting to get a little impatent, so he moved closer to the phone - and Dean - in attempt to hear more. Dean was so focused on his conversation that he hardly noticed. 

Over the line, Gabriel caught what he guessed was Sam's voice.

_"Yeah... fine, but Dean I.... look, somethings going on and... won't let me tell you over the..."_  

Dean's face crumpled from it's previous joy, falling into fear and anger - two emotions so easy to read on _any_  Winchester. Gabriel's eyebrows knit together just as Dean let out a terrifying, almost growl, sound that Gabe just barely noticed as a word.

" _What?!_ Son of a- all right, we're done here. We'll be back in a few minutes. Make sure he can't go anywhere."

This time Sam's voice came in clear.

_"I doubt he has the strength, Dean."_

Dean shut his phone with a violent thwack, before stomping off in the direction of where they'd parked. Gabriel blinked, startled, before running to catch up.

By the time he got to Dean the hunter was practically fuming with anger and Gabriel was half tempted to just leave everything alone. But if it was about his brother, then by damn he'd find out what it was. He and Dean were alike in that way, at least. 

"What happened?"

"Cas woke up."

Gabriel smilled, almost ready to start jumping around right then and there. "Isn't that  _good_?" 

Dean grunted. "He says, or what Sam says he said, that he fucked up and needs to tell us in person. Says he made shit worse for us - not sure what that means, but I've been in this life long enough to go on gut feelings. And my gut's telling me to get back to Sam and Cas." 

Gabriel felt his joy fade away almost instantly, fear and worry taking over his emotions and holding him in a vice. He knew what Cas did. It was who he was, always trying to help but doing it in the wrong ways. Being misled by wrong people and fucking shit up. It wasn't like Gabriel expected him to act differently now that he was on Earth. 

Gabriel followed Dean in almost silence for a little while, at least until they reached the car. Dean opened his door about to get in, just as Gabriel let out a frustrated growl and slammed his fist against the door of the Impala. 

"Hey!" Dean shouted at him, face contorted in anger and anguish - maybe even a little shock, too. Gabriel didn't give too much thought into that though, letting out a shaky breath and dropping his hand from the car door.

"Oh, Cassy, what have you done now?"


	21. Fucked Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long guys school started and I couldn't write it :P
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ~~~~Castiel's POV~~~~

As soon as Sam hangs the phone up Castiel slumps forwards, a sigh heavy leaving his lips. He's exhausted from the mass amounts of grace he's used, and his back - his celestial back - is burning as his leftover grace tries to heal him.

It's uncomfortable to say the least, and he finds himself wishing he'd had more supply of his grace left over. There's nothing he can do though, so he clenches his teeth and wills himself to sit up.

It takes him a little longer than he'd expected for him to sit up again, and when he does Castiel catches Sam staring at him. He's got this strange expression on his face that Cas can't read and it's unnerving. After a moment of silence Sam clears his throat, laying the phone in his hand on the bed.

"What happened, Cas? You said you fucked up, but you didn't tell me how. Or why. I need to know just as much as Dean does." Sam says quietly, his voice just above a whisper.

Castiel flinches at how caring Sam sounds just then, knowing he really doesn't deserve it. Cas wants to answer him, to tell him what happened but he can't bring himself to. His throat hurts almost as much as his back does, and he doubts he has hardly enough energy to tell Dean once, let alone tell Sam and him separately. Castiel gives him an apologetic look.

"I will tell you and Dean at the same time, Sam. I am sorry, but you will have to wait." Castiel told him as gently as possible. Sam frowned but didn't look hurt, and he didn't push the subject and Cas was grateful for that at least.

Castiel put a hand out in front of him on the bed, leaning some of his energy on that. Sam must have noticed something off about his posture, because he grabbed Castiel's shoulder and spoke again.

"Dean's not that far away from here, just on the outskirts of town, so he'll be back soon. Then you can get some rest? You look pretty beat up, man." Castiel frowned, wanted to tell him he was an angel and didn't need rest but truth be told he really did. So he kept his mouth shut and nodded.

Sam patted his shoulder, giving it a squeeze, before standing again. He stood there awkwardly for a moment, looking a little lost, and then he nodded to himself and walked off towns the other room and Castiel heard a door shut. He assumed he went into a bathroom, or something of the sort.

He waited a moment to see if Sam was coming back anytime soon, but when he didn't Cas sighed again and eased himself into a laying position on the bed. The bed was soft as he put his weight against it, and since he was laying on his stomach he felt no added pain to his back so that was good.

He felt his eyes slip closed and didn't fight it. He wants to stay conscious, he really does, but Castiel has used too much of his grace and he can feel himself starting to drift. To be honest, Cas is surprised that he's not gone unconscious already. Maybe he could just... sleep a little.

Castiel forces his eyes open, clenching his teeth against the tug of sleep that pulls at him as he does so. He needs to snap out of it because he can't be sleeping when Dean gets there.

From what Sam said, and if he heard it correctly, Dean isn't actually all that far from where they are and anyway, if he sleeps too long then Crowley is going to start tracking him again. He can't put the Winchesters in unnecessary danger.

Maybe once he tells them the needed information then he's going to leave. In his condition he can't block Crowley from tracking him, and he sure as hell can't protect the brothers. If anything he'd be more of a hinderance than anything. But then again, the brothers could ward him themselves, and he could stay with them.

Once he's fully healed he may be of help again. Though he doubts it. He didn't do a very good job last time his grace was fully healed. He helped Crowley for pete's sake! He wouldn't be surprised if one, or both, of them decide to kick him out.

And maybe that would be best. It's not like he's going to help them for a while anyway. Closing his eyes again, Castiel pushed his head into the mattress. His head is starting to hurt and it's hard to know if it's from his wounds or from his constant thoughts. Either way it's not helping.

He finds himself starting to fall asleep again, and forces his eyes open. He's not sure how Sam and Dean can go on without rest when they've taken a beating like his is, though maybe they don't feel as worn out from hunts. It's not like Castiel would know. He's never really gone on one.

Castiel jumps then, pushing himself up quickly when he hears a sound from across the room. Looking frantically behind him, ready to once again use his grace he freezes when he sees its just Sam. Sam's looking at his sheepishly, one very large book on the table.

"Sorry, shoulda announced myself." He tells Castiel, and Cas shakes his head slowly, willing his reaction, his need to defend, to go away. There's no threat there anyway.

"It's fine. You just startled me." He said and Sam nodded, going back to what he was doing. Which was sitting down at the small table in the room, opening the book and starting to read it.

He seemed concerned with what he was reading, or maybe it was about something else - Castiel was never any good at reading people. Maybe if he'd been better he could have seen the faults in helping Crowley. But then again, even if Castiel was blind, at the time he thought it was the right thing to do.

That it would somehow fix things. Suddenly the front door clicked, the sound of it unlocking, and Castiel felt himself freeze. Sam's head shot up, and it only took him a moment to stand up and a look of utter terror was on his face. Castiel's brow furrowed in confusion, and Sam looked back to him frantically, mouth open wide.

Just as the door opened Sam managed to say something. "I-I'm so sorry, Cas, I forgot, I didn't mean to-"

The door came open and in walked Dean, but that wasn't why Castiel felt his mind skid to a halt. Standing there, right behind Dean, was Gabriel. Or what looked like Gabriel. Gabriel's vessel. The second Gabriel's yes met his, Gabe grinned and gave Castiel a mock salute.

"Hey little bro." He said, his voice cracking in the middle. Castiel's mouth dropped open and he looked frantically over to Dean and Sam.

"What?" He he asked, voice hoarse and desperate. Sam flinched, and Dean blinked looking like he'd only just realized what was happening.

"Oh fuck." Dean said. "I forgot."


	22. Wasted Grace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's POV
> 
> ~~~~~~
> 
> Sorry for the confusions with the last chapter, I hope this clears it up a bit?

Sam didn't forget things easily. In fact, he was pretty confident in his memorization skills. But he'd somehow forgotten to tell Castiel that his brother was alive. Something that big you don't just forget. But he had.

He'd been too focused on getting Cas healed, then about whatever information he had - how could Sam have done this?

He can't imagine what it feels like, to believe you brother is dead and then have them walk into your house like, 'Oh, hey, what's up?'. Add on the fact that your two friends didn't tell you about it, when its pretty fucking clear they knew.

That's got to hurt. But Castiel is an angel, and he's never been very good with emotions so maybe what Sam thinks he's feeling isn't actually what he is feeling.

He could be having an intense struggle on weather or not to kill him and Dean, or he could not even be phased by this. Either way it doesn't matter, it was still a shitty thing to do - intentionally or not.

Dean laughed awkwardly, catching Sam's attention and he looked over at his brother. Dean looked uncomfortable, and though Sam couldn't say he felt sorry for Dean, he wasn't unsympathetic.

"Uh, hey Cas... I take it Sam didn't fill you in?" He all but whispered, and Sam felt the urge to tell Dean off arise. He was pinning this on him again - even though, he supposes, it was mostly his fault. His did forget. But so did Dean! It wasn't like this was all his fault.

"Fill me in on what?" Castiel questioned from his perch on the bed, having not moved at all since the other two got there. Sam was surprised to find his voice neutral.

When Dean didn't respond the angel looked over to him and Sam swallowed under his gaze. No matter now much that happened, Castiel staring at him was simultaneously frightening and exhilarating.

(Maybe that's why Dean stared at him all the time.) Here we go, he thought, running a hand through his unruly hair.

"Uh." He started intelligently, before clearing his throat. "Look, Cas, I forgot to tell you but - well, we found Gabriel a few days ago by the side of the road. Not dead. We don't know what brought him back, or even how, but he's alive again." Castiel looked at the ground, seeming like he was thinking something over before he let his eyes drift over to Gabriel.

Sam watched as Cas scanned the blond, his face unreadable as ever. Suddenly Castiel made a noise, a sound similar to a surprised grunt, and then he was getting up and with lightning speed was standing in front of Gabriel.

Sam blinked, as surprised as Gabriel looked as Castiel grabbed his brothers face in his hands. Dean stepped forwards then, reaching out to Cas.

"Dude what-" Dean started, but Castiel cut him off, talking to Gabriel.

"You are human." He said, voice frail underneath his concern. Sam flinched at that, from the pure sorrow in Castiel's voice. Sure, he'd heard it a few times before, mostly when it was about Dean, but the way he said it - it broke something inside Sam. Gabriel let out a laugh, more of a surprised chuckle really, and shifted nervously.

It was that that pulled Sam's attention towards the blond, looking him over for the first time since he'd gotten back. His hair was a little messed up, his clothes unbelievably wrinkled, but nothing outwardly screaming 'I'm mortally wounded'. That was good, if nothing else.

"And you're on the brink of falling, Cas - but that's not a surprise there. Why'd you use so much grace?" Gabriel questioned in gentle voice, and it was so older brother that Sam blinked in surprise.

He'd never expected to hear a tone of voice like that from Gabriel, but maybe it was an affect of the de-gracing. Dean dropped his hand, taking it away from the two brothers as he watched them with concern.

Sam didn't know why he'd be worried but, it was Dean who was doing it, and he had a habit of worrying over everything - everything Sam didn't worry about, anyways.

Suddenly a low rumble came from Castiel, sounding something like an animal snoring, and then he started making more of them - changing in pitch and tone.

Sam blinked, confused. It sounded something like Russian in the way it was delivered, but there were no actual words or syllables in it. Just grunts and growls, the occasional hiss.

"Uh." Sam muttered, looking over to his brother in confusion. Dean shrugged at him though, seeming even more confused than he was. Then, as sudden as Castiel had started, Gabriel grumbled out a low noise that pitched itself higher as it went on.

Castiel's face contorted, something mixed with anger, and they continued to make noises at each other. Suddenly Sam blinked, remembering something he'd read in an old tome he'd found.

"Are- do you think they're speaking Enochian?" Sam asked Dean, tearing his eyes off the other brothers to look at him. Dean blinked, confused, but before he could respond Gabriel laughed, drawing their attention back to him.

"A type of Enochian. There are many different dialects, and Cas is more adept in this one. I'm not, though." Gabriel said with a knowing smirk, and Sam glimpsed just a little of the massive amount of knowledge this man bore from his time as an angel.

It made him feel bad, sorrow that he was no longer an angel. Though that couldn't have trumpet Castiel's, most likely.

" _Hhhhn_." Castiel growled out, pulling his brother back by his face so he was facing him again. Something about Castiel's demeanor had changed, and Sam watched him with sudden concern. He opened his mouth, about to ask what was wrong, but he was cut off when Castiel's eyes glowed brightly, white light streaming out of them and Gabriel squeeze his eyes shut.

Dean flinched back, his mouth dropping open. Sam thought then that he and Dean probably should close their eyes. That the light would get brighter and hurt them if they didn't. As he opened his mouth to tell Dean that, though, Castiel's eyes dimmed until they once again looked human.

Sam let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. Castiel stumbled back then, looking weaker than he had before, and Gabriel grabbed his arms, pulling his brother closer to himself. The two stumbled backwards until they hit the motel wall, and Sam jumped forwards at the same time.

"Guys!" He shouted, reaching out and landing his hand squarely on Castiel's back. Dean moved with him too, and then there was another hand resting on Cas' back. Gabriel looked startled, mouth agape as he panted.

Sam couldn't tell what Cas looked like, though from the way his shoulders moved he was pretty sure it wasn't good. He tilted his head down trying to see his face. A quiet noise escaped Gabriel's mouth, causing Sam to snap his head up to look at the other again.

"What on _earth_ was that?" Gabriel asked loudly, one of his hands letting go of Cas and grabbing his stomach. Sam looked down just as Gabe pulled his shirt up and Sam gasped.

His wound was gone, the only signs of it being there was the leftover stitching. Castiel seemed to deflate then, and Dean's grip on his shoulder tightened.

"Cas - what, what did you do?" He asked quietly, and Castiel tipped his face towards Dean. Now that Sam could see him, he saw that Castiel was smiling a sorrowful smile, his eyes drooped in exhaustion.

"I healed him - the least I could do after..." Cas trailed off, the smile on his face fading and Dean frowned, but didn't say anything. Sam though, had many things to say on that subject.

"Least you could do?" He questioned, voice scolding. "Cas, you almost died. Gabriel just said you're - you're on the brink of falling, which I'm assuming means stop using up all your grace." Gabriel looked towards Sam, blinking, before nodding his head. His hand was still on his stomach.

"Yeah, Cassy, can't have another useless human - no offense Dean." Gabriel laughed, nodding his head towards Sam's brother. Dean looked like he wanted to rip his head off, but instead he pulled Castiel off of Gabriel and towards himself, careful not to shake him. Sam moved his arm as Dean did this.

Castiel stumbled again, but regained his footing and ended up standing next to Dean. Sam noticed a look of shame on Cas' face, staring at the other suspiciously.

It was gone a second later though when Castiel stood more straight, pulling himself away from Dean a little bit. Sam could tell his brother was trying not to look hurt.

"I will be fine." Cas said. Sam opened his mouth to protest, but then Gabriel snorted, cutting him off.

"I'd be surprised if you didn't go into a coma, little brother." Gabriel sighed, before he pushed himself into a standing position as well, wincing as the stitches pulled. "And I'd love to continue with this, but I need these out now apparently, and you need to tell them whatever it was you did." Good old Gabriel, not taking shit from anybody, but giving plenty of it himself.

Sam shook his head but didn't protest, instead taking Gabriel by the elbow to pull him towards the bed.

"Let's start with the stitches, then." Sam said, ignoring the look Gabriel gave him. He wanted to know what was going on with Castiel, but he wasn't too keen on doing it now.

And besides, a leaving those stitches in wasn't sanitary. With the skin healed it could cause infection, and it'd be uncomfortable as hell. Behind him, Sam could hear Dean shuffling around, pulling a chair out.

"Here." Dean said, and there was the distinct sound of someone sitting down. Sam sighed. After he was done with Gabriel, he'd have to hear what Castiel had to say. He wasn't looking forward to that.


	23. Stitches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel's POV

The stitches hurt less coming out then going in, and considering that last time Gabriel had been drunk off his ass he supposes that's saying a lot.

Sam's quiet as he works, focused on taking out the third stitch without causing Gabriel much pain. He's not terrible at it but it's not comfortable.

Gabriel closes his eyes, tilting his head up towards the ceiling. There's a distinct thrum of grace flowing through him still, burning quietly as it continues to try and heal him. There's nothing left to heal though, so all it does is pulse as it burns out slowly.

It will be gone in a day or two, surely, but the feel of grace in his body again makes Gabriel feel right again. Like he was still an angel.

But it was obviously not his own grace, and he doubted that even if he wanted to, he couldn't latch onto it and use it for himself. It was an intoxicating feeling nonetheless.

Like giving a sip of beer to an alcoholic, it triggered a burning need to have more of that. And _God_ , Gabriel wanted more. Wanted his grace back so bad he could taste it.

There was just no way to get it and that made him feel desperation. It tasted a little like nausea, and felt like anxiety, making him almost shake.

He shouldn't have reacted this way in the first place, not to a simple healing - he'd healed many of his own, however had never been healed by others. At least not while human.

He wondered how Dean and Sam could constantly be okay with Castiel healing them, if it caused this kind of a reaction every time.

Though, Gabriel supposed that it might not feel the same - and even if it did, they didn't want the residual grace left over in the way that he did.

Gabriel opened his eyes again, looking down to watch Sam as he continued. Sam was on the tenth stitch now, only four more to go, and he's biting his lip as he concentrates.

He's got a worried expression on his face, and every now and then he shoots a glance towards where Dean and Castiel are sitting.

Gabriel looks at them then, looking his brother over. Cas looks tired, his eyes still drooling, but even so he's sitting rigidly in his chair with his hands folded in his lap.

Dean is sitting in the chair next to him at the other end of the table, saying nothing but watching the angel. Castiel isn't talking but he looks like he wants to.

What he'd spoken to Gabriel about in Enochian had been a mix of a few things. Castiel had worried over him first, asking what was wrong with him.

Then Gabriel had done the same to him, questioning why his grace was as depleted as it was. Castiel had told him he'd been attacked by angel-blade wielding demons that had ambushed him after he'd excepted something else that he refused to describe. It worried Gabriel.

What had his brother gotten himself into that he'd have to run away, and now he was trying not to have to say what it was. Sucking in a deep breath, Gabriel looked back to his brother as he spoke.

"Castiel." He said in a quiet tone, but in the silence of the room it was as if he'd been screaming.

Gabriel waits for Castiel to look up to him, their eyes meeting. Gabriel contemplates speaking in English for a moment, but desires against it.

He doesn't know what Castiel is going to say, and he wants him to actually say it, and if he wouldn't or doesn't want to say it in front of the others...Gabriel wouldn't get him to talk.

So, instead, Gabriel lets out a thrum of an Enochian word that's got Castiel jumping to attention.

' _What happened? Why won't you tell them?_ ' He asks slowly, careful to make sure he doesn't mess up his words. He'd never liked this type of Enochian.

Sam stills momentarily as he speaks, but then he starts back up again. Dean doesn't even bat an eye at what there doing.

' _I have done something horrid, brother, and I doubt anything I do can repent for my actions._ ' Comes Castiel's reply, smooth as water as he speaks and Gabriel's mouth tightens into a thin line.

' _And that is?_ ' Gabriel demands, and Castiel flinches and goes silent. Just as Gabriel is starting to get worried he said something else, mixed up words, Cas speaks again. He's keeping his head down now, not looking at Gabe.

' _I sided with a demon, attempting to help Sam and Dean._ '

Gabriel gasps, eyes widening visibly, but he doesn't have time to respond before Castiel is continuing in English.

"I thought I saw you." He says quietly, still not looking at Gabriel. "Before I passed out, I saw you, and you were human. But I thought - I assumed that it was a hallucination due to the extensive damage my vessel took, as well as my lacking grace. But I was wrong."

Gabriel's face contorts into guilt, feeling instantly bad for making his brother feel this way. He knows that Cas mostly said this to lead the other two into thinking that had been what they were discussing, but he can also tell that what his brother says it true.

He thought his brother was alive for a brief second, and then he associated his Gabriel to his pain. That he'd been only and illusion. It made Gabriel want to prove to Cas that yes, he was alive and he wasn't going anywhere. At least not anytime soon.

But he pushed that thought away as Sam patted his leg, gaining the ex-Archangel's attention. "All done." He said in this resigned sort of voice, and Gabriel looked him over. Sam looked more upset not then he had before, and Gabriel was sent reeling in attempt to figure out how to help.

"Great job!" Gabriel cheered, looking down at his stomach and a grin plastered on his face. He hoped it looked more honest then it was. "Now it doesn't feel like my skins taped together anymore."

"Good." Sam said with a weary smile, before he pushed himself up and turned his back on Gabriel. Gabe frowned, his brow creasing. "Cas. Time to tell us what happened." Sam finished his sentence, and Gabriel looked around Sam to find his brother looking guilty and fearful, but there was determination in his eyes.

"Alright." The angel spoke, standing up to match Sam. Gabriel closed his eyes, sighing. Here it comes, the thought.


	24. Anger Is Volatile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's POV
> 
> ~~~~

Dean stares at Castiel's back, the angel standing now and he felt his resolve harden. Finally. The entire reason he'd come back so quickly from their hunt. They were actually going to have this conversation. Dean stood now, too, shoving his hands into his pockets with more force then probably necessary.

Castiel's head turned, watching Dean as he moved over towards Sam and himself, and Dean wished they didn't have to have this conversation. He only felt like that for a moment before he was back to stony faced criticism as he came to stand beside Sam.

Gabriel huffed a breath as he stood, and Dean's eyes widened as Gabe passed by Sam, his arm bumping into the taller hunter before Gabriel continued on and stood beside his own brother. Dean can't say he hadn't been expecting something like that, but he was expecting him to stand beside Sam more.

Though in the end it didn't really matter, the only thing really left to do was get this off of their chests. And then, almost as if reading Dean's mind, Castiel cleared his throat and shifted.

"I would like to apologize in advance, and I ask you not hold back any negative feelings towards what I'm going to say." He said, voice completely neutral and Dean's chest burned in anxious fear and worry.

Dean was more afraid he would be angered by what Castiel had to say, then by Castiel's actions. It always seemed to come back to Dean being angry, and rightfully so, and Dean found himself wanting to rein in his emotions for once. His control over his emotions had never been very strong, and so he doubted very much that he could.

"Alright." Castiel spoke again, this time sounding as if he was preparing himself. Gabriel and Sam stiffened at the same time, and Dean clenched his jaw. They were all on edge before, and now it's been increased drastically.

"Purgatory, as you well know, houses the souls of monsters within it's depths. These monsters, all of them, have souls - tattered and ripped, perhaps, but souls nonetheless. Souls are one of the most powerful things in creation, and have the potential to give or take mass amounts of power." Castiel started, and Dean could practically feel Sam's sudden interest in all the facts about souls and Purgatory.

Ever the history buff, Dean was surprised that Sam didn't just pull out a pen and pad to take notes.

"As well, you know that there is an epidemic of demons and angels somehow harming humans. The battles in Heaven are reaching its peaking point, and at this moment it stands to reason that soon the fighting will spill out onto Earth. There are thousands of demons aching to kill humans, many of them fighting their own war for power in Hell."

Dean whistled, catching Castiel's gaze. "Didn't know it'd gotten that bad." He said. Castiel nodded, dropping his gaze to the floor and his brow furrowed.

"This is something I hoped to stop. I can't stand the bloodshed of my brothers." Castiel told Dean, and he sighed, looking back up. "But, I was a fool for thinking I could. The demon Crowley, which you are familiar with, proposed a deal."

Dean frowned, crossing his arms over his chest at the mention of Crowley and a deal. This couldn't be good. Nothing was ever good when it had to do with demons, especially Crowley. Dean tried not to chastise Castiel right then and there.

"The souls in Purgatory would be of great use to someone with the problems we have. We could stop the fighting in Heaven _and_ Hell. Crowley knew this, as did I. _However_ I assumed there was no way to open Purgatory to attain those souls, and the repercussions of taking advantage of those souls was too much for me to even consider it an option." Cas punctuated this by clenching his fist, a frown firmly stuck on his face now.

Dean was about to open his mouth, but Castiel cut him off. "And that is when I ran into Crowley."

"Son of a bitch." Dean ground out, shaking his head. He couldn't believe his ears. Cas shouldn't have even run into him, let alone left him alive for a conversation to pan out.

"At first I was going to kill him!" Castiel said desperately, his eyes pleading as he looked at Dean. Something inside of him wobbled and he crossed his arms again. "But he proposed a deal in which we, as a joint effort, would open purgatory and use the souls within to set balance to Heaven and Hell once more. Crowley had the knowledge of how to open Purgatory, and I the skill to attain the items needed. I thought I had everything under control, Dean, I truly did." Castiel said, and it was obvious he was trying to get Dean to believe him.

Dean rolled his shoulders, anger swelling up within him. Just the thought of Castiel willingly aiding Crowley made his skin crawl, not to mention the fact that it was just fucking stupid. He so badly wanted to scream at the angel, to slam his fist against a wall and kick something.

But he held back, because Dean wanted badly to not get mad. Castiel was hurt and weak, and he didn't need that right now.

"But I underestimated things. Crowley soon started to list items needed to the ritual to open Purgatory, that I just couldn't get for him. Killing. There would be massive amounts of killing involved, of angel, demon, and human alike. And Crowley knew that I wouldn't do this, so he threatened your lives."

Sam flinched at that, causing Dean to look over to him. He had this horrified look on his face and Dean grimaced in sympathy. Using them as black mail had always bothered Sam, not wanting the reason bad things happened be because of him. Even if it was only in some roundabout way.

"Crowley threatened us?" Sam questioned lightly, and Castiel nodded.

"I wouldn't allow him to lay a finger on _either_ of you, but - he was stronger than I'd anticipated, and had other means to get to you. I assume he had another demon that would kill you unless he checked in on them often, though the details are a bit foggy." He waved his hand in a Wilde guesturing towards his head, a move Dan instantly recognized as one of Sam's.

Cas must have picked it up from him. Then Castiel was breathing deeply, closing his eyes and strenghtening his stance as if waiting for a punch. "And so I killed for him. Many beings died at my hand so I could save you. That is bad enough on its own, but unfortunately there is more."

" _For fucks sake_!" Dean hissed out, throwing his hands up. "What more could you possibly have done?"

"Dean." Sam said warningly, and Dean huffed in frustration as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"He has meant to betray me from the beginning," Castiel started again, this time somewhat warily. "and I could not see this. Once I found out his plan, to take the souls for himself and destroy the Angels and take over control of everything, killing many, I confronted him. We fought, and that is how I got these wounds." Castiel gestured to his back stiffly.

"I barely got away with my life so I could tell you. Weather I am involved or not, you must stop him. I - I regret greatly that you will be cleaning up my mess. But it's happened, and you two are the _only_ ones I know who can stop it." Castiel finished with a sad look, and Dean tried not to scream in fury.

What. The. Fuck.

Had he not even stopped to think about this? Just acted? Weren't angels supposed to be patient? If he'd just waited, fucking talked to Dean or Sam, this whole thing could have been avoided. But no. Castiel thought that his other mistakes were just flukes, that his impulsiveness didn't get in the way of shit.

"Gahh!" Dean growled, turning around and stomping towards the door. He needed to get his frustrations out, not to shout, try to not be a total dick for once. God damnit! Dean though, grabbing his hair and lulling, before dropping his hands and turning back around. He pointed a finger at Castiel, grinding his teeth together.

"You - fuck, fucking fuck!" Dean cursed stomping back over to the others. "Really? How could you be so - so stupid?" Just as his temper peaked, on the verge of exploding, Gabriel stepped forwards with fire in his eyes and a dark took to him. Dean almost took a step back at the suddenness of it.

"Don't you _dare_ criticize him, or so help me I will put scorpions in your underwear!" Gabriel boomed, and Dean couldn't even start to think he was kidding, his voice steady and entirely serious. "At least he was fucking trying, Dean! Many of us don't try, not having the guts to do anything but sit around or squabble about petty differences. And those fighting are to afraid of what's happening to think about anything else - so don't you fucking yell at my brother. If you have a problem with what he did, well, you can go fuck yourself." Gabriel was panting, shoulders quivering from his shouting, his voice tampering off to a normal level as he finished.

Dean blinked, taking a step back and letting his shoulders droop. What.

"Gabe." Sam spoke up then, reaching out towards Gabriel and Dean's eyes widened when he saw that Gabriel didn't try to pull away. Instead, he turned his head, letting Sam place a gentle hand on his shoulder. "We - we get what you're saying... It's just, Dean, you know? He doesn't mean it."

Like hell I don't, Dean thought, but stopped himself from actually saying it. Instead he let out a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.

"If you need to punch me, Dean, I'll let you." Castiel said in a quiet voice, jarring Dean so much he jumped.

"What?"

"You are clearly angry, and if you need to you may punch me. I am an angel, so I will live."

"N - no Cas, I don't need to punch you." Dean said, all fight leaving his body as fast as it'd gotten there. He couldn't believe that Castiel was actually expecting to be hit. "I just... I need some air." Dean muttered, and in a quick stride was at the door, opening it almost violently.

Behind him he heard Sam shout. "Wait, Dean!" But he ignored it, letting the door shut behind him. As soon as the cool air of the night hit his skin Dean calmed, breathing in deeply.

God, his life was so fucked up.


	25. Useless Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's POV
> 
>  
> 
> ~~~~~~
> 
>  
> 
> Omg I've been an update whore lately fuckin hell

Uselessness feels strikingly similar to loneliness in Castiel's personal opinion. It's a hole, a deep, dark hole in your stomach that feels like it's constantly getting bigger.

Except unlike loneliness, you know there's nothing you can do to stop that hole from growing. There's nothing you can do. Castiel couldn't stop Crowley.

Maybe he could have done something before, when they had just started working to open Purgatory, but now - he might as well be a human trying to grow back a limb. It wasn't possible.

Seeing Dean run out of the motel increased his feeling of inadequacy. As an angel, Castiel had an underlying need to lead.

He was supposed to be better than humans, and by being so he should have all the answers. He should be their Shepard, heading them towards salvation, but instead he found himself lost.

Where he should be showing the way to them, Dean instead navigated him through the confusion of humans and their emotions, guiding him like a solitary beacon shining through impenetrable darkness.

Even being an angel Castiel could not understand what he was meant to, instead relying on humans to help him.

Castiel wasn't supposed to feel, he was supposed to know. And yet human emotions plagued him. And the nauseating feel of uselessness cut him as an angel blade would, all the way down to his grace.

His grace was already broken enough as it was, and he didn't need his emotions wearing it down.

From healing himself to healing Gabriel, Castiel was surprised he was still conscious. He doubted he'd be able to do much for a while. He looked in the direction of the door, the one Dean has just left through moments ago.

He found himself suddenly feeling contempt for a door. Dean shouldn't have been able to just waltz right out.

"Fuck." Sam spat like the word itself was vile, and Castiel lifted his head to look at the younger Winchester, snapping out of his thoughts. His brow was furrowed, pain written all over his face as his arms dropped to his sides. Gabriel huffed beside Castiel, crossing his arms as he turned away from him.

"Don't get your panties in a knot, Sammy." Gabriel's tone made Castiel turn to him now, a difference to his voice he thought strange. The mix of emotions was frightening from his brother. Castiel knew Gabriel was human now, but it was still unnerving to hear him so emotional. "Dean's a big boy, he can take care of himself."

"God dammit, Gabriel." Sam said. Castiel blinked in surprise to see Sam stalk up to Gabriel, desperation barely masked by frustration plainly laid out in his stance.

Gabriel looked up at him in turn, showing no signs of backing down. Castiel fought the urge to step between them, knowing it would do no good. He should just let them each get their frustrations out.

"What?" Gabriel retorted, pulling himself up to look larger. Without his grace it was harder for him to look intimidating under all that human flesh, his size now more of a hindrance then before. "He is. And I'm not goin' to be nice just because he's your brother, Sam. He's being a dick."

"It's kind of founded." Sam shot back, and Castiel flinched at the reminder. "What Cas did was wrong, and not well thought out. I could understand why this would upset him, and yes, I know, he overreacted. But please, don't."

"Don't _what_?!" Gabriel shouted, dropping his arms to his sides and getting up in Sam's personal space. Castiel moved then, opening his mouth to intervene but Gabriel cut him off.

"All he's wanted to do is get rid of me since the moment you two found me, been a dick to me at every chance, and now he's probably contemplating kicking Cas out! You know as well as I do that he cuts off anyone whose ever done anything bad, unless it's himself. Castiel will learn from his mistake, and as an angel he can _help_ \- help find who rose me!"

"This isn't just about you being human anymore!" Sam shouted back, matching his tone.

Gabriel growled, stomping his foot in frustration. "It never even fucking _was_! It was about stopping people from dying. Neither of you actually want me to get my grace back!"

" _Don't_." Sam repeated, voice dropping an octave. Castiel closed his eyes, tying desperately to drown out the sounds of their fighting.

Hearing Sam and Dean fight was one thing, but Sam and Gabriel, Castiel's own brother, was almost unbearable. He didn't even know why they were fighting, and he was too tired to care.

His body was aching again and he was getting what he assumed was a migraine. Effects of losing so much grace, surely, but nevertheless it was unpleasant. He put a hand to his eyes, trying to stave off the feeling of pain.

"I bet Dean would be more then happy to keep me human. As for you - I don't even know what you want! I tormented you and you aren't trying to kill me! And now all this shit with Cas, I - I don't... I don't know what I'm doing, okay? I'm not supposed to be human, and these-" He gestured to himself wildly. "- _emotions_ , they aren't right. It feels like I'm drowning."

Castiel dropped his hand, staring at his brother in pity. He knew exactly what it was like, suddenly having emotions so strong it was unbearable.

Sam and Dean wouldn't know, couldn't know, how it felt. But Castiel did. He took a step forwards, taking his opportunity to finally step in and end the fight.

"I feel the same." Castiel said quietly, finding himself unable to speak louder with the pain in his head.

Gabriel jumped, turning to Cas with confusion. Then his face morphed and he looked horrified, and Castiel found himself thinking of what he could have done to elicit that emotion.

"Oh - oh, Cas, I'm sorry. I forgot, I - you should lie down. You must be exhausted." Gabriel said. Castiel blinked, startled at the change in his brother's mannerism. One moment he had been furious, and now he was worried and concerned for Castiel.

Cas wanted to tell him not to worry, keep his brother from hurting, but all he could manage as a grunt as he pushed his hand back into his eye.

Sam sighed, drawing both of their attention. He looked guilty, like he normally did after a gory fight or whenever Castiel brought up demon blood.

"I'll go find Dean." He mumbled, walking off towards the door. Castiel caught his shirt sleeve as he tried to pass him, halting Sam in his tracks.

"I'm sorry I upset him. And everything else. I caused you pain, you, Dean, and Gabriel. None of this should have happened." Castiel said, closing his eyes wearily.

"It's alright Cas. It wasn't your fault." Sam gave him a smile, a small thing that looked too forced to be real.

But then he was walking away again and Castiel's hand slipped from his shirt. Castiel watched as the other Winchester stepped out into the night, the cold air hitting Castiel like daggers to his skin.

It was precisely 68 degrees fahrenheit, storm clouds starting to accumulate to the north of the town and moving southwards. It would rain around midnight tonight. Castiel's head gave a viscous throb, and he winched, shaking his head in attempt to rid his minod of those thoughts.

"Come on." Gabriel said, taking Castiel's arm into his hand, pulling his brother towards the beds. Castiel didn't protest, letting his brother drag him towards Sam's bed. He'd prefer Dean's bed, the smell more familiar to him, but he wasn't about to complain.

As soon as he touched the bed, Castiel fell face first into a pillow and closed his eyes. The darkness was reassuring, the softness of the pillow pulling him down into the clutches of unconsciousness. He felt a hand touch his back, gently, before pulling away.

"Get _better_." Castiel thought he heard someone mumble, but he was too far gone to remember it. He was asleep before he'd even been able to fully form a coherent thought.


	26. A Word - A Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel's POV
> 
>  
> 
> ~~~~~
> 
>  
> 
> Italicized paragraphs is his dream. The rest is normal.
> 
> This is another dialect of Enochian that Gabriel is speaking.  
> 'Onha kuusouhn zaawo puaoh' - 'You won't touch them'

_"Where are you?" A deep voice purred, and Gabriel jolted, pushing himself up onto his feet. He's not sure why he was laying down, or how he got there, but he can feel the tell tale signs of burning on his knees suggesting he'd fallen._

_Gabriel looked around, taking in his surroundings. It looked - it looked like Heaven. Someone's specific Heaven, but it had the tell tale signs of brightness that was easy to notice - for Gabriel anyway._

_It was a small room, decorated to fit the mid nineties style, posters littering the walls. One in particular Gabriel recognized, gold print plainly showing the title of the movie. Gone With The Wind. Whoever's this Heaven was they had good taste._

_But no one was occupying it. It was void of any human soul beyond Gabriel's own. He didn't know who's Heaven it was, but he found himself compelled to answer the voice that had spoken to him before._

_"Heaven." Gabriel said, flinching as his voice bounced off the walls of the small room. A rumbling laugh like grinding stones echoed now, almost seeming to shake the room though no physical movement occurred._

_"That's not what I meant." The man behind the voice laughed and a book fell from a shelf behind Gabriel._

_The ex-angel jumped, turning swiftly to see what had happened. It was a large book, red with gold trim, and Gabriel walked towards it slowly. He crouched down, grabbing the book in his hands to inspect it. Then, on the cover, he saw a massive, black letter._

_**W.** _

_Gabriel blinked, startled. No book was titled W, let alone putting that on the cover if it wasn't. For starters it was too large. He opened it, his brow wrinkling as he gazed at the words inside. The only things written in the book was a massive string of W's, separated only by a space between each one. Gabriel's mouth dropped out, a shaky sound leaving his mouth as he slammed the book shut._

_"Show me." The voice called, and was punctuated by a loud thud beside Gabriel as another book fell to the ground. Gabriel jumped and turned his head, looking at the newest one. This time is was inverted, gold book with red trim, and on the front there was another massive letter, this time in white._

_**I.** _

_Gabriel moved towards it, letting the W book fall from his hand as he pulled the new one open to the middle. Inside, just like the last, was nothing but one letter. Except this was an I._

_"Where are they?" Another book fell, and Gabriel rushed towards it this time, looking at the front. It was green, old looking and falling apart. The letter on the front was yellow._

_**N.** _

_Inside there was nothing but N's, and Gabriel was starting to form a word. 'Win'? What- "Where is he? Hiding with them, perhaps?"_

_There was a noticeable thunk from beside him. Another book. Gabriel looked at it, not bothering to open it. It was black, a blue letter on the front._

_**C.** _

_"He's hidden them from he, you know." Tan book now, purple lettering. Smaller than the others._

_**H.** _

_"They're starting to piss me off. I need them out of the picture." Another book. Blue, grey letters._

_**E.** Gabriel sucked in a deep breath. The word was coming together. He knew what it was. _

_"But I can't find them. Where are they?" The house shook from the impact of the next book, Gabriel letting out a startled shout at the sound. The book was pinkish, green lettering._

_**S.** _

_"You're with them."_

_**T.** _

_"You owe me."_

_**E.** _

_"I could just kill you if you don't, you know."_

_**R.** _

_"I can make it worth your wild."_

_**S.** _

_Gabriel shouted, kicking the last book across the room violently, snarling. He looked up at he the ceiling, another tremor shaking the house._

_"I won't help you!"_

_"You don't have a choice."_

_"I will always have a choice you bastard." Gabriel growled at the ceiling, a smirk growing across his face. "I defied Heaven, remember?"_

_"You'll regret this." The voice spat now, the house shaking so hard that Gabriel stumbled and fell to his knees._

_"Yeah? Not as much as you will." Gabriel shouted, and then the strongest shake echoed through the room and Gabriel watched in shock as the ceiling crumpled in on itself._

_"I'll find them without your help." Gabriel screamed, pressure building up in his chest now. It felt like someone was pressing on his insides out, trying to claw out of his body. A rippling laugh cut through the sounds of the room falling apart around him, and Gabriel's screams accompanied them like they belonged together._

 

 

 

" _O_ _nha kuusouhn zaawo puaoh_!" Gabriel shouted, pain splitting across his left side pulling a choked gasp from his mouth. He opened his eyes, wheezing into the carpet beneath him. His stomach felt like it was hollow, his throat burning and nausea bubbling as he curled his hand into a fist.

His breathing was fast, uncontrolled, and Gabriel couldn't stop himself from feeling like someone was going to harm someone important that second. A sob rips out of his throat, and Gabriel gasps in surprise to find himself crying.

He pushed himself over onto his stomach, closing his eyes he desperately tried to calm himself down. He knew it was another nightmare, like the last one, and even though he couldn't remember it again he felt the residual fear burning him.

Slowly, crawlingly slow, he felt his breathing began to go back to normal as the fear faded. Finally, Gabriel took a deep breath, pushing himself up on wobbly arms until he was in a sitting position. He looked around, somehow relieved to find himself in the motel.

Beside him, more in front of him really, Castiel lay in his stomach still, unconscious as ever. Gabriel wasn't sure if he was upset or glad that Castiel hadn't been awake for him crying fit.

Wincing, Gabriel rubbed his shoulder and looked towards Dean's bed behind him. The covers were wrinkled on one side of the bed closest to him, and it wasn't that much of a leap to figure out what had happened. He'd fallen off of the bed.

Gabriel looked towards the clock, reading the time. Just a little past eight thirty. He'd only been asleep for maybe seven minutes, and Gabriel sighed, running a hand through his hair. He could remember something, a fragment of his dream unlike last time.

A word - a name, stuck in his mind, leaving the sour taste of barely controlled fear in the back of his throat. He wasn't sure why it was there, why he'd somehow clung to it. It had no relevance - there was no reasonable explanation why that name was branded into his mind with desperation and a need to do something.

Gabriel stood, before sitting back down on the bed behind him. He watched Castiel, the angel's face blank as he healed. He wondered if Castiel had ever had a nightmare while human. If it caused this much fear in him too.

Wondered if he clung to random words for dear life, pulling them from his dream for no reason at all. If he'd ever gotten the name _Winchesters_ stuck in his mind for no reason at all.


	27. Figured As Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's POV
> 
>  
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> They all need a chill pill

When Sam left the motel, he wasn't actually expecting to find Dean. More than likely Dean'd taken the car and drove off somewhere to blow off steam.

It wouldn't be the first time, and certainly not the last. Sam couldn't count the many of times that had happened before on both his hands, doubted he even remembered the actual amount.

Dean had always had trouble dealing with his emotions, and when he got mad he was insufferable. Usually Sam was actually a little happy with Dean blowing off steam instead of taking it out on him via screaming matches. It was better for him then it, at least.

So Sam was surprised to find Dean, leaning on the hood of the Impala with a grimace on his face, still there. He was sure that Dean would have ran off, but maybe it had something to do with Castiel still being hurt? Or the new threat of Crowley that was keeping him close, protective instinct strong as ever.

Either way, it was a strange but not unrelieved sight. Sam shook his head and moved to stand beside his brother.

Sam rested heavily against the hood as well, crossing his arms over his chest, and Dean didn't so much as blink. Instead, Dean kept his eyes focused stubbornly on the ground beneath his feet.

With anyone else this would have infuriated Sam, but he was used to it by now with Dean. It's just how he worked.

Sam didn't say anything, instead closing his eyes and thinking over what had happened. Castiel had betrayed them unintentionally, Crowley was trying to get stronger, and Gabriel...

There were so many things wrong there tang Sam was sure he'd get a headache. Gabriel was human, something might still be wrong with him, and he was experiencing emotions. Sam knew that Castiel had had a difficult time with them, and he'd been slowly introduced.

With Gabriel, he'd been shot into a human body and forced to feel everything a human felt, no filter at all. And with everything happening, Sam wasn't surprised that he was getting more agitated.

_"I don't know what I'm doing, okay? I'm not supposed to be human, and these - emotions, they aren't right."_

Sam remembered his words clearly, pain laced in Gabriel's every syllable. Emotions were hard for anyone to understand just being human, then add never experiencing them before and being an angel - it must have been like hell.

_"It feels like I'm drowning."_

God, Sam was such an asshole. He should have at least explained things to Gabriel, and he should have spoken to him more about emotions. At least they had Castiel now though.

He could walk Gabriel through things that Sam and Dean couldn't. They didn't know what it was like to not feel emotions, didn't know what it felt like to be an angel.

And then there was Crowley. The entire situation felt wrong, off somehow. Crowley wasn't stupid, that was for sure, but he'd somehow not managed to trick Castiel into blindly helping him still.

Had he slipped up? And in the first case, why was he using an angel - Castiel, to be exact.

Crowley knew Cas was friends with them, on their side of this slow moving war. It was stupid to pull him in.

It'd be like taking in the enemies' spy and letting him listen to your secret plans. It didn't seem like something Crowley would do, and even if he did he'd actually succeed.

And his attempts to kill Cas. Crowley would have killed him as soon as possible. Castiel probably wouldn't have time to react if Crowley was actually trying to kill him.

And then he let him go, not following him to were they were. Sure, that might have had something to do with Sam using hex bags, but he hadn't intended them to keep Crowley off their trail.

It had been meant for other demons, low ranking ones. Was it still keeping him away? Just delaying him? It was a little fishy.

Sam turned to Dean, looking his brother over again. Dean had his hands shoved into his pockets and there was no way he wasn't getting stiff, but he refused to move or speak.

Sam realized that awkward, unpleasant silence had stretched out and Sam found himself slowly getting more frustrated. Finally he let out a huff of air, kicking a rock by his shoe.

"Crowley's got balls, thinking that this plan will work." Sam said. Dean grunted but didn't actually answer him, so Sam went on. "Thinking Cas wouldn't figure it out eventually is stupid, and then thinking he could actually kill him. He must have know he'd get to us. I don't see the point in involving Castiel if Crowley knew he was going to tell us his plan. He must be hiding something - something we don't know."

"We don't know a lot, Sam." Dean said mirthfully, laughing. Sam frowned but ignored his brothers comment. He wasn't in a mood to get into another fight, whether or not Dean wanted to. Instead Sam turned to face Dean, giving him a scolding look. Dean eyed him back.

"We'd know a lot more if we had Cas' help." Sam spoke smoothly, watching as Dean grimaced at the mention of Castiel.

But it wasn't like his brother had a choice at this moment. They needed Cas, Sam knew that, and the best way to keep him there was make Dean think they needed it.

"How will he help?"

"He's an angel who's actually been alive the last few months. And he's worked closely to Crowley, maybe we can get something Cas would normally pass over out of him? Something important?" Sam sighed, shaking his head. "It's not like we have much of a choice Dean."

"Yeah, we can just work with the traitor." Dean snapped, growling like an animal. Sam gritted his teeth, finally having enough.

"For fucks sake, Dean. What is wrong with you? Any chance you get to be mad at Castiel you take it! You overreact to simple things, and then for something like this you get mad instead of trying to help him. When he just got here you were freaking out over him, stressing so much you had to go out with _Gabriel_ to calm down! Now you're ready to kick him to the curb." Sam hissed out, keeping his voice as level as possible. Not that it worked fully, though.

"Oh shut up, Sam!" Dean shouted, loud enough that Sam was sure their motel neighbors heard it. Sam blinked, startled at Dean's sudden outburst. Sam opened his mouth but Dean cut him off, obviously not finished. "You don't know anything, you hear me? You don't know how I feel. So just butt off, Sammy."

"I don't, Dean. I don't know how you feel." Sam said back, giving his brother what he hoped was a pleading look. "So tell me. Why are you so upset? I get it if you're mad, I do, but this is just too much. You of all people know how Castiel is like. He's trying."

Dean seemed to deflate a little, shoulders sagging and he looked back down at the ground. Sam held his breath. He knew when to back off, let Dean come around and talk to him. If he didn't stop now he wouldn't, and he knew that then Dean would just run off.

Slowly, Dean moved, sitting down on the Impala and Sam followed him. Dean sighed, running a hand through his short hair. He shook his head.

"He scares the hell outa me, Sam." Dean spoke finally, his voice shaky, eyes downcast. Sam jumped at the suddenness of it. "I never know where he is, don't know if he's in a fight for his life or if he's relaxing under the sun. He's - he's part of our little family, and if something happened to him-" Dean let out a choked noise, squeezing his eyes shut. He took a deep breath, starting again.

"If something happened to him I don't know what I'd do. You, Bobby, and Cas are the only people I have left. And Cas won't _trust me_ enough to help him. He won't talk to me about these things, doesn't seem to realize that I can help. He's basically on a suicide mission, Sam, and won't let me help him. He's gonna get himself killed."

Sam bit his lip, watching his brother with pity and worry. He always figured that something like this was upsetting Dean, knew that there as no at that he was only angry about the Crowley incident.

Sure, Dean could get upset easily, but he wouldn't get frothing mad unless there was a lot of things for him to get mad about. Sam put a hand on Dean's shoulder, looking down at the ground. Dean didn't speak anymore, so Sam took it as him being finished.

"Maybe tell him that, then? You know he's not very good at these things, dude. Look, why don't we go inside and get some rest? God knows we both need it." Sam said quietly, smiling at his brother. Dean hesitated, but eventually nodded, standing up and brushing Sam's hand off of his shoulder.

"Yeah, whatever. Guess it couldn't hurt."

"Good." Sam grinned, but let it drop as soon as Dean couldn't see him. They all needed rest and to calm down. Maybe in the morning they could talk about this some more.

Figure out what they were going to do. About Crowley, Castiel, and Gabriel's grace.

And everything else.


	28. Apologies and False Hopes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's POV
> 
>  
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~
> 
>  
> 
> Cas contemplates while Dean tries to apologize.

Unconsciousness releases Castiel from it's grip late at night, the room around him so dark he was momentarily startled by it when he opened his eyes. It didn't faze him much though, Castiel pushed himself up and blinked - his eyes almost instantly adjusting to the darkness.

He noticed two figures in the other bed, and Castiel squints his eyes as he focuses on them. Finally their faces become clear and he realizes that it's Dean and Gabriel. Gabriel is pushed as far away from Dean as possible, closest to Castiel, while Dean's doing practically the same thing.

Castiel turns, looking behind himself. Sam's sleeping beside him, his face in the pillow - the only way Castiel recognizes him is his hair. Thankfully the only two people with long hair is Gabriel and Sam, and Sam's hair is much darker compared to Gabriel's.

Carefully, Castiel moves, sliding off of the covers as he watches for any signs of waking from Sam. Just as he's about off the bed, Sam moves, making a grunt as he rubs his face into the pillow.

Castiel freezes - thankful that he doesn't need to breathe. But Sam doesn't move other than that, so Castiel moves again and finally comes to a stand beside the bed.

Castiel dusts off his coat, looking around the room again. He feels more like himself now - though Castiel's grace is still depleted, everything isn't as fuzzy. He's able to focus much easier and he's not tired.

And now he can sense the hex bags beneath the beds, salt lining the windows - Castiel supposes that's standard for the Winchesters to do when they get a new motel room.

He can also tell exactly where all their guns are, and smells the soap in the bathroom that should probably be replaced soon. It's also raining outside, like he'd guessed, so it must be around Midnight. It feels strangely good to have his mind buzzing closer to its normal rate, even if it is still a little slow.

Moving, Castiel walks towards the only table in the room, pulling out a chair but not sitting in it. Instead he simply looks at it, feeling the wood beneath his hand. It's a sturdier chair then he'd expect for this motel, but it's old too and probably has a few years left before to breaks down.

Castiel's eyes trail over to the laptop that's sitting on the table, and he pulls it open in one smooth motion. His eyes squint at its brightness, but like always they adjust quickly, and he vauguely notices the clock in the corner. It's twelve fifteen, so he was close. Castiel looks over the page that's open.

He's got no real reason to look beyond his own curiosity, and it's not like Castiel is trying to find information. He's just looking.

And there's not much there, just some news articles about people reuniting with their long lost loved ones. Castiel is about to shut it, when a name catches his eyes and he turns back to it.

' _The Archangel of Death is most commonly known as Azrael..._ '

Castiel blinks, pulling his head back and mouth dropping open. Azrael? Why was Sam looking up Azrael, and why was the article still open?

Castiel doesn't think there'd be anything they'd want with Azrael, doubts they'd ever want to meet him. Even though he's older then Castiel himself, Azrael can sometimes act like a child might.

He knows for certain that Gabriel and Azrael aren't on very good terms, though the exact circumstances he's unaware of. A sudden pang of fear hits Castiel as a thought suddenly hits him.

What if they're hunting Azrael? It'd be a horrible thing for heaven to lose him, seeing as he kept track of who died.

Heaven would bring their whole wrath down on Dean and Sam, surely, and might kill them. But that feeling fades quickly, because Castiel knows that no matter how strange Azrael was he wouldn't do something to jeopardize his position - not intentionally of course.

"Cas?" A deep, gruff voice calls from the other side of the room and Castiel doesn't have to turn around to know it's Dean. He does turn though, blinking at the change in lighting as his vessels eyes focus on Dean.

Castiel can make out his soul like this - with his grace mostly healed - and he feels a wave of both relief and bittersweet sorrow engulf him as he takes in the softly glowing form that is Dean's being. Castiel always thought Dean's soul looked soft, yet sturdy, and tattered around the edges from neglect and wear.

It's also beautiful, and reminds Castiel of everything that mankind is - strong, dependable, social, protective, loving - and he feels a thousand emotions at once in less then a second. Then he's giving Dean a small nod, realizing that it probably looks like he's snooping.

"Dean." He says quietly so not to wake the others, but it still feels a little too loud in the silence of night. Dean pulls the covers off of himself, standing beside the bed and giving Castiel a once over.

He looks strangely worried, or maybe it's confused - either way, he's directing his full attention on Castiel and the angel feels like he wants so squirm suddenly. He doesn't though, keeping himself on check easily.

"What're you doin'?" Dean slurs from sleep, but he's quickly coming back to himself fully. Castiel blinks, considering lying. He could, could make Dean believe it if he wants to. But he doesn't feel like it, because he's got nothing to hide, he was just curious.

"I was intrigued. Why are you and Sam looking up Azrael?" Castiel counters carefully, watching for the slightest bit of uncomfortableness from Dean. But Dean just looks confused, then interested. Castiel tilts his head slightly.

"You know him?"

"Of course. He's an Archangel - a very important one, at that." Castiel offers with another nod. He moves then, around the table to stand in front of it carefully.

Dean's eyes follow him as he moves, like Dean is a cat getting ready to pounce. Castiel looks off towards the door, dispelling the sudden images of Dean yelling at him from earlier with the motion.

"Oh." Dean says then, quiet, and Castiel can't help but look back at him. He's standing there, in a loose fitting tee-shirt and his boxers, looking kind of lost about the conversation. Castiel suddenly worries he'd misled Dean - confused him somehow. Castiel turns to him then, ready to fix his mistake.

"Are you confused with what I meant? You know what an Archangel is, so I am guessing it's the importance of him, then? He's the Archangel of Death - writes down who dies and when inside a leather book in order to keep track of all those who come to Heaven. He-"

"Stop, Cas." Dean interrupts, looking guilty, and Castiel closes his mouth. He's confused, tilts his head slightly. He'd thought Dean was confused... but he could just have well been wrong, of course, obviously. "That's not what I - I'm not confused about Azrael. I know about that dude."

"Oh?" Castiel asks then, interested. Dean rubs the back of his neck, letting out a stuttering sigh.

"Yeah. Sam thought he coulda had something to do with Gabriel comin' back, so me an' Gabriel summoned Azrael. It wasn't him."

"Oh." Cas says again, before frowning. "Then why did you look confused?" Dean laughed then, crossing his arms quickly. Castiel blinks and takes a step forwards. Dean doesn't move away, but he doesn't really look outwardly pleased by what Castiel did. So Cas doesn't move back, but he doesn't move forward again. Then he just waits, raising an eyebrow to emphasize his own confusion.

"I wasn't confused just -" Dean sighs, running a hand over his face. " - Look, I'm sorry, Cas. For, for earlier. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that." Castiel blinks, before shaking his head. Dean doesn't have anything to apologize for.

Castiel knows what he did, knows how wrong it is. He doesn't need Dean apologizing for getting mad at him - Castiel would have gotten mad at Dean if he'd been in a similar position.

"You don't have to apologize, Dean." Castiel tells him, trying to get across his emotions. His certainty of it. But then it's Dean's turn to shake his head, looking at Castiel with steely determination.

"But I do, Cas. What I said was wrong too - let alone how I said it. And - and Cas, I just... _shit_. This is hard." Dean groans. He starts pacing, rubbing the heals of his hands together. Castiel watches him, unmoving, not saying anything. If Dean wanted to say something, Cas was going to let him.

"Ugh, I'll just go out right and say it." Dean huffed, turning back to Cas quickly. "You don't really trust me enough Cas. I can help you. With everything. You just gotta - you just gotta ask, man. That's what got us into this mess in the first place, you not trusting us enough. We get it, you were trying to do something good. But - ugh, it woulda gone better if we _knew_ about it. I worry your goin' to get yourself killed one of these days." Dean finished quietly, not taking his eyes away from Castiel's own.

Cas felt something warm spread in his chest, and he barely recognized it as quiet joy before he nodded stiffly. He believed Dean's words - most of them.

He did trust Dean, with a lot more then he did his fellow angels nowadays. And he wanted to think that Dean would help him with anything, because that made him feel happy - because it felt right.

But he knew he wouldn't. Some day he'd ask for help, and Sam would be in danger - and Dean would choose Sam over him. He didn't blame Dean.

Not at all. He knew what it was like to do anything for your family. But he wasn't naive enough to think it wouldn't happen at some point. But he nodded anyway, because Dean was trying.

Dean smiled then, a faint thing meant more for Castiel then anything else, before he spoke again.

"Cool. I'ma head back to bed now, you can just - do whatever angels do at night. Just don't go running off, okay?" Dean asked, casting Castiel a firm glance over his shoulder. Cas let a small smile grow on his own lips.

"Of course, Dean."


	29. Hello Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's POV
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> Ok so no - you didn't miss a chapter. I will explain what happens with Sam and Cas in another, later chapter. 
> 
> Also sorry for being gone so long I've been in a writers slump lately. Hopefully I'll be better now.

“Rise and shine." Gabriel shouts, Dean grunting as something lands on his legs. The hunter blinks, groans, and turns his head enough to look over his shoulder at Gabriel.

The ex-angel is standing at the foot of his bed expressionless, though his eyes are dark as Gabriel stares at Dean. He's got a brown bag in his hand, and there's another one sitting on the little table behind him.

Through his early morning fog Dean looks at the brown bag in Gabriel's hand, before his mouth begins watering as he realizes what is inside - breakfast.

Dean looks down at his feet where he'd felt something land and is pleased to find another brown bag there, looking highly enticing. His stomach growls suddenly and Gabriel laughs above him, joyless.

"Well, someone sure is eager." The blond rolls his eyes, a hand going to his hip, before he's turning away from Dean. "But Sam said you can't eat in the bed, so get up."

Dean groans at that, stretching out in the bed. He rubs his eyes, blinking them a couple of times in attempt to wake up fully. It doesn't work but it's not like he needed help waking up anyway, the promise of food having done a pretty good job. Finally he pushes himself up, throwing the covers off of himself.

The room is cold, unpleasantly so, and he shivers as his feet touch the carpet. Even though the floor is slightly warm - thank god for carpet instead of wood - everything is so cold he gets the sudden urge to crawl back under the blankets. Dean doesn't though, figuring that wouldn't be the 'adult' thing to do.

He does however turn to Gabriel, looking questioningly at the smaller man who's now sitting down at the table. Gabriel's got the brown bad he was holding open and he's pulling stuff out. Dean is slightly concerned that he doesn't see Sam there but he doesn't say anything about it.

"Why is it so cold in here?" Dean questions, effectively catching Gabriel's attention. Gabriel blinks, looking confused, but then Gabriel is shaking his head and taking a bite out of - a hamburger.

"I donno - 's not cold for me."

"Where on earth did you get a hamburger?" Dean changes his line of questioning, that seeming to be the more pressing issue at the moment. "Actually, where did any of this food come from?"

"Sam got it." Gabriel says, curt, to the point. Dean narrows his eyes at the other man.

"Where’s Sam now?"

"Beats me. Said he was taking Castiel to get some 'fresh air' and he'd be back in a bit."

Dean blinks, startled, and he looks around the room again. Sure enough the two aren't there and Dean suddenly wonders how long he's been asleep.

His eyes go to the clock on the wall but it tells him nothing - he hadn't remembered to check what time it was before he'd fallen asleep. Sighing he rubs a hand over his eyes, shaking his head. Great. Left alone with a pissy Gabriel and copious amounts of food.

What was he supposed to do? Dean closed his eye, sighing. He had been expecting some sort of talk in the morning, Sam asking him if he'd talked to Cas yet or Castiel himself coming to finish their conversation from last night.

But instead neither of them were even there and Dean was suddenly at a loss for what to do. Maybe he'd call them, see where they were.

A crash from the other side of the room had Dean's head whipping up, eyes flying open as he readied himself for an attack. Instead he got an emotionless looking Gabriel with his foot on a toppled over chair. Dean blinked.

"Whoops." Gabriel said innocently, tilting his head. There was something dark in his gaze, something that made Dean shiver. "Did I startle you?"

"The fuck, Gabriel?" Dean growled out. Gabriel frowned and took another bite of his hamburger, not saying anything. Dean stared at him for a moment, wondering if he should say anything.

Gabriel seemed like he was trying to get a rise out of Dean, trying to start a fight. It was best to avoid a fight at all costs right now.

Eventually he decided against saying anything, shaking his head as he stood and headed for the bathroom. He grabbed some of his clothes along the way, ignoring Gabriel's steely gaze as he moved.

Once Dean closed the bathroom door and locked it he sighed, relief flooding him - only to have guilt bubble up in the back of his throat. Gabriel was still pissed - he was practically livid.

And it was understandable. Dean had blown up last night. Sure, he'd apologized later - when he and Castiel were alone. But that didn't mean it was better or okay. It wasn't going to be better for a while, at least not for him, and certainly not for Gabriel. The ex-Archangel seemed ready to get into a fist fight with Dean - even if Dean would obviously win.

Yet even though Dean was ticked off by Gabriel, he knew how the other felt. If someone had freaked out on Sam like Dean had on Cas? Dean would have been all over them, ready to rip their head off.

Right now though Dean felt like shit. Like he always did after he stepped out of line, after he hurt the feelings of someone he loved. Dean blinked dropping the pair of pants he'd been holding.

_What?! What?! Someone he loved?_

Dean shook his head, bending down and grabbing the pants off the floor with more force than necessary. Someone he loved. Sure, he thought of Cas as family - and Dean loved all his family.

But he'd never before had a thought that blatant regarding Cas before. Hell, he hardly thought about love regarding anyone - let alone Castiel.

And then that train of thought came into his mind like an intruder and Dean was surprised at himself. He huffed, slipping the pants on as quickly as he could.

“Don't gotta make this weirder than it already is.” Dean said to himself, buttoning his pants. “Just ignore it and move on.”

He pulled his shirt over his head quickly, before turning on the sink. He cupped his hands under the facet, getting cold water to pool inside his hands. Once there was enough he brought his face down and slashed himself with the cold water.

“Hah!” Dean hissed, cursing as he blinked his eyes rapidly. The water had successfully woken him, but unfortunately he still had an unwanted train of thought lingering in his head regarding Cas.

Well, unwanted was a bad work for it - more like unexpected. Dean sighed shaking his head. He stayed there, staring at himself in the mirror for another moment, before moving to the door. Dean unlocked it in one swift motion, pulling it open in another. He stepped out into the cold room, only feeling slightly warmer with his clothes on.

Gabriel didn't look up when he came out, but the toppled over chair was back up now - Dean smirked at that but didn't say anything. At least Gabriel wasn't entirely a dick.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. He might as well call Sam, see where they are. It couldn't hurt to check up on them. Dean walked over to his nightstand, grabbing the phone off of it and he flipped it open.

Finding Sam's name in his contacts was easy, as it was the first one, and a second later he'd pressed the ‘call’ button and had put the phone to his ear.

 _Ring-Ring_.

Dean sighed, shoving a hand into his pocket.

 _Ring_ - _Ring_.

Gabriel smashed the brown paper bag under his hand loudly, and Dean resisted the urge to scold him.

 _Ring-Ring_.

Dean didn't turn around but he could tell Gabriel was standing up, moving towards the trash.

 _Ring-Ring_.

Why was Sam taking so long to pick up?

 _Ring-Ring_.

Dean bit his lip, worrying it between his teeth.

 _Ring-Ring_.

 _Click_.

“Hello, Squirrel.” The deep, unmistakable voice of Crowley thrummed through the phone and Dean felt the icy prickles of fear creep up on him. Oh no. Oh _god_. “It's been too long.”


	30. A Car Ride, A Worried Angel, And The Matchmaker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's POV
> 
>  
> 
> \------
> 
> This chapter is set before the last one. There will be another one that skips back in time, which will be chapter 32. Chapter 31 is after Dean was called by Crowley. 33 will be back in the normal time frame. I appologise for any confusions.  
> The break is a time skip.

When Sam woke up it the clock said it was six thirty A.M., but it felt more or less like it was one in the morning. His body was sore and his eyes refused to stay open for more the a few seconds even though he wasn't tired.

There was a crisp edge to the air, and Sam worried for a moment that he could almost see his breath in the room. When he didn't though Sam simply sighed, laying a hand across his face.

The events from the night before were still fresh and abuzz in his mind, clattering around like pots banging together.

He could still see the look of betrayal on Dean’s face, the hurt way Castiel had talked - and for some reason what stood out most of all was how Gabriel had reacted to all of it. It surprised him, that Gabriel was what was most worrying to him, but Sam didn't really push the subject.

By now he was used to feeling for the underdog, the runner up - so he didn't find it too outlandish that he would feel sympathy for Gabriel. Speaking of which, Sam turned his head, moving his arm as he did to look across to the bed Dean and Gabriel were occupying.

The room was still dark so it was difficult to make out, but Sam spotted a small, blond lump at the top of the bed which he assumed must be Gabriel’s head. Sam watched the other for a moment, taking in the soft sounds of quiet breathing.

It was odd for Sam, now that he thought about it, to be seeing Gabriel breathe - and not think it strange of our of the ordinary. For Gabriel though Sam assumed it was much more upsetting - more than he let on, even.

It also weird to see him sleep, or eat. Everything about this was weird and kind of sad, making something in Sam's chest hurt. Sam was never one for others suffering, was never able to ignore it.

He always had to do something to help. And it made him feel bad when he wasn't able to do anything.

Suddenly Sam's stomach growled, and he blushed, realizing that he hadn't had any dinner last night. They'd been too caught up in fighting for him to have remembered, and now he was feeling the effects of that.

Sam moved then, pushing the blankets off of himself before sitting up on the bed. He yawned, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

“Good morning, Sam.” A voice said, making Sam jump. He looked up frantically, surprised, but calmed the second he saw Castiel.

The angel was smiling softly, looking over at him from the window beside the front door. From the way he was standing Sam guessed he'd been there for a while now, and the younger Winchester smiled back.

“Morning, Cas. How you feelin’?” Sam questioned as he stood, rolling his shoulders back. Castiel's smile disappeared, his face turning more serious.

Sam was worried then that he'd said something wrong or upset Cas, but Castiel spoke before he could apologize.

“I am good. Better than before.” He spoke quietly, without a smile, but Sam could practically feel the sincerity in his words. Sam smiled, nodding his head slowly.

“Good.” Sam replied, before making his way over to where he'd left his pants when he'd gone to bed. He picked them up, tugging them on easily.

Something in his pocket jingled, probably the change he'd left in there, and then Sam was zipping them up and turning back to Castiel. He needed to get something to eat, for him and Dean and Gabriel.

Probably something Dean would like and something else that Sam could actually ingest. He blinked, an idea dawning on him.

“I'm gonna go get some food. Wanna come with? You don't have to, of course.” Sam added carefully, rubbing the back of his head. Castiel blinked in surprise, probably at being asked Sam guessed.

He was going to have to make sure they took Castiel out more, let him have some actual quality time with them other then when they were talking about some monster or bad guy.

“I- yes I suppose I could. Where are we going?” Castiel asked and Sam laughed, grabbing the keys of the Impala off of the table.

“I've no idea.”

 

                                                                                     --------

 

Sam and Castiel ended up at a restaurant called ‘Little Hat: Bar & Grill’. It was a lot less trashy than the name suggested, and seemed relatively popular with the locals.

Their orders took long as they weren't sitting down and staying, instead doing take out - which wasn't actually something Sam expected them to do, but it had been the fifth restaurant they'd gone to around town that seemed somewhat useable.

Sam had ordered a hamburger for Gabriel and Dean, a small salad for himself, and some kind of chocolate cake thing for all of them.

They hadn't had pie so Sam just got the next best thing. By the time he and Castiel got back to the car Cas seemed a bit antsy, a little confused, and Sam was a little worried.

He didn't say anything though, not until they were actually driving back to the motel they were staying in.

“What's up?” Sam said, as nonchalantly as he could manage - which wasn't very, as he was worried for the other. Castiel turned his head to him, looked him over for a bit.

It was unnerving, to be scrutinized like he was being. Sam almost felt studied, like a specimen. Finally though Castiel sighed, turning his head back to the window.

“I spoke to Dean last night.”

Sam swallowed, his grip on the steering wheel tightening. _Oh_.

“Yeah?” He said dumbly, shooting Cas a glance.

Castiel nodded, before shrugging. “Yes. Except it wasn't - it seemed a little forced on his part. And I feel worse now than I did then. He told me that I didn't trust him.”

“And do you?” Sam pressed then, leaning back. Castiel made a noise, something sounding an awful lot like a frustrated groan, before he was talking again.

“Of course I do. I trust both you and Dean. What I did wasn't a sign of my mistrust, Sam, you must understand. I did what I did to protect you and myself. We’re losing the war in Heaven, and if we don't find some way of stopping them soon the Archangels will take control. And Crowley threatened your lives, Sam - I just couldn't let you die.”

“Wait, hold on - do you mean like, Raphael? Uriel? Those guys?” Sam interrupted, confusion and fear suddenly hitting him hard. Those two were bad news, and if they got control over heaven… Sam wasn't sure what would happen.

But it wouldn't be good. It suddenly dawned on Sam that Castiel wasn't just fighting a war between his family - he was fighting for his freedom and humans.

Because if the Archangels took control, they would probably do something horrible. Mass genocides weren't something Sam would put above Raphael. He swallowed hard.

“Those are two of the Archangels, yes. I - I just don't understand what Dean meant.”

Sam blinked, his mind doing an almost one eighty - he was probably going to get whiplash from this back and forth of topics eventually. “What do you mean?”

“He said he didn't trust me.” Castiel said, just as Sam pulled up in front of the motel. He turned the car off, turning so he could face Castiel fully.

He was surprised to find the angel looked hurt, like he was struggling to realize why Dean felt not trusted.

“But I do. I don't know how I make him see that.”

“Maybe…” Sam said, quietly, grabbing two of the food bags - Castiel grabbed the other one when he saw Sam moving. “start with something small? Just little things, things of trust - to show him?”

Castiel nodded but didn't speak, and they sat there for a moment in silence. Finally however Casitel moved, opening the car door and exiting the Impala. Sam moved to follow when Cas got out, jogging a little ways to catch up with him.

That was a lot to think about. Sam needed to know more about this war - more about what had happened in Heaven.

And he was busy playing matchmaker between Dean and Castiel, trying to help ease the tension between the two of them. Then there was everything that had happened with Gabriel, with finding his grace - and Crowley.

Sam needed to figure out what his plan was and fast. He sighed, pushing the motel room door open easily. It wasn't going to be easy, but he needed to work through everything and fast.

He should probably take Castiel out somewhere, to talk - ask him questions about the war away from Dean.

Sam loved his brother, but right now he didn't think talking about the war around him was the best idea. Dean still thought it was stupid.

“Sammy, Cas. I was wondering where you were.” Gabriel's chipper voice rang out, causing Sam to look up. The ex-angel was sitting on Sam and Cas’ bed, Sam's laptop propped up on his lap.

Sam fought the urge to smile at that, looking over at the clock. It was seven now, so they'd only been gone thirty minutes. That was better than Sam had actually been expecting.

“We brought food.” Castiel said, lifting the bag in his hand up triumphantly. Gabriel practically squealed, pushing the laptop off of himself and jumping to his feet. He rushed over, snatching the bag from Cas with excitement.

“Thank _fuck_. I thought I was going to _starve_.”

“Don't be so dramatic.” Sam rolled his eyes, setting the other two bags down as Castiel shut the door behind them. Gabriel scoffed, flopping back down on the bed as he looked through the brown paper bag for food.

“Well I would have.”

“Sure you would have." Sam rolled his eyes, grabbing his salad out of one of the bags before he turned back to Gabriel. “I'm going to take Cas out for some fresh air, if that's okay?” He asked.

Gabriel shrugged. “I don't care. Do whatever.”

“Ok. Uh, don't let Dean eat in bed - and wake him up at like, seven thirty or eight?” Sam asked, moving back over towards the door, passed a confused looking Castiel.

He felt a little guilty for ditching his brother like this, but he needed to get everything sorted out as fast as he could.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Just don't expect me to be nice to him.”

“Well, just don't bite his head off.” Sam warned, opening the door again.

Castiel moved cautiously, not asking questions but it appeared that when they were alone again he was going to.

“Sure. Have fun with fresh air.” Gabriel said, much too focused on the chocolate cake he'd found.

Sam smiled, laughing a little bit.

“Will do. Bye.”

“See ya.”


	31. I Remember You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel's POV
> 
>  
> 
> \-----
> 
>  
> 
> This is set after chapter 29 'Hello Boys' and before chapter 30 'A Car Ride, A Worried Angel, And The Matchmaker'.

The look of utter fury that crossed Dean’s face had Gabriel blinking in surprise, stopping in his tracks. Gabriel let the crumpled up brown bag fall into the trashcan, confusion written plainly on his face.

Dean had the phone pressed to his ear and was glaring at the wall above the bed - his mouth pressed into a thin line and he was so pale he looked sick. Gabriel swallowed thickly, noting the sudden change in the hunter.

It was surprising and a little more than worrying to see. Just a moment ago Dean had been fine, for the most part - only seeming a little pissed off at Gabriel even though the ex-Archangel had purposefully been a douche.

And if Gabriel hadn't managed a rise out of Dean the he wasn't sure what could have happened to change Dean's emotions this fast, but it had Gabriel going serious in second. Whatever it was must have been important - probably had something to do with Sam.

Sam had been the only one who could have made him snap like this this quickly - besides Castiel, but Gabriel somehow doubted that the angel had a phone.

Then again it could just be Sam's phone, Cas talking to him with it? Gabriel hoped it wasn't or he'd have to kick himself some older Winchester ass.

But just as Gabriel opened his mouth, questions on the tip of his tongue, Dean spoke and cut him off. However he didn't speak to Gabriel - or to Sam or Castiel - but to the person on the other line.

“Crowley.” Dean said, voice rough and feral, his hands clenching into fists at his sides.

Gabriel's eyes widened in shock as he recognized the name. Crowley. The demon Castiel had worked with, the demon who had almost killed him. Gabriel felt angry then, suddenly, as his train of thought went towards Castiel.

Crowley was the one who'd tried to kill his brother after using him. The demon had used Castiel's trust and general want to help against him, forcing Castiel to kill for what Cas thought was going to save Heaven.

The demon who made Castiel look like he was the bad guy - the demon who hurt Cas so bad he almost fell.

Gabriel found himself wishing, for not the last or first time, that he was an Archangel again - because if he was he would have smout that demon until there was nothing left but a faint memory of him.

Suddenly he felt himself tremble, only had a little time to process why on earth he was shaking before a sound left his mouth sounding like a growl.

Only then did Dean seem to realize that Gabriel was still there, looking over at Gabriel for the first time since he was on the phone. Something in Gabriel's expression must have screamed ‘i want to hear!’ because a moment later and Dean was gesturing to the phone, pulling it away from his ear and pressing a button on it.

Suddenly a thickly accented voice cracked through the room and Gabriel startled when he realized he recognized the voice.

“What? Aren't you going to wish me love? What's with that cold welcome.” Crowley purred, voice smooth and unmistakable to Gabriel's ears.

Memories smashed Gabriel's mind like a train to the face as he suddenly remembered where he'd heard him before.

 

_"Where are you?"_

_“You're with them."_

_"I want them. Where are they, angel? Give them to me. Show me."_

_"You owe me."_

_"I could just kill you if you don't, you know."_

 

Crowley.

The demon.

Gabriel had seen him in his dreams - had heard him talking to him. The voice was a perfect match, and now the image of red eyes suddenly made sense. Demon.

And he had been trying to get - something. But Gabriel couldn't remember what, the thought just out of reach for him. Something - there was something that he'd been trying to get since the first nightmare.

Something important but - Gabriel couldn't remember.

Somehow though he got the feeling it was vital. That if he couldn't figure out what it was something bad was going to happen.

“Why do you have Sam's phone?!” Dean demanded, snapping Gabriel out of his panic for a moment. Suddenly it dawned on Gabriel that Dean must have called Sam, and since he'd just said it was Sam's phone then that would mean that…

“Because Sam and Castiel are with me?” Crowley said like it was simple, and Gabriel felt the fear and panic turn into a burning red fury that had him shaking again.

He has my brother. He has Sam.

“If you hurt them-”

“Well then you'll have to come and stop me, won't you? Consider this a formal invitation. I'm at South Coral street, the only warehouse on the block. Same town as you.” Crowley said sweetly, before he suddenly dropped his voice, serious. “You've got something I want.”

And then there was a click and the line went dead. Gabriel stared down at the phone in Dean's hand, his mind running at a thousand miles an hour.

 _WhatdoeshewanthehasSamandCasIknowhimI’mgoingtokillCrowleywha_ -

“Son of a bitch!” Dean shouted, throwing the phone on the ground so hard it made a cracking sound, the back popping off. Gabriel jumped, his mouth dropping open.

He wanted to say something, to do something, but he couldn't get himself to move. His lips felt heavy, glued shut, and he licked his lips trying to get rid of it. This was bad. Like, really, really bad.

What did Crowley want… could it be the same thing he'd been asking - no, demanding from Gabriel? But what was it? Gabriel turned his head up, looking at Dean. He tried to keep the fear from his voice as he spoke but doubted it worked.

“Dean, I-” He cleared his throat, blinking hard. Gabriel noticed his hands were shaking, so held them together. “- I heard his voice.”

“Wh- no shit Gabriel, that's what happened when you put the phone on speaker.” Dan hissed, glaring at Gabriel. Gabriel felt a small flare of anger at that but to was almost too little to notice through his panic.

“ _That's_ \- that's _not_ what I meant. In my dreams, I heard him talking. I didn't even remember it until now but I recognized his voice, that was the guy talking to me through my dreams.”

“What.”

“-I don't remember what happened on them, just bits and pieces really, but I think he wanted something? An-and now he's got Castiel and Sam. How did I know remember him from my dreams? I know I was scare- upset when I woke up after them but I didn't remember him!” Gabriel was breathing heavily now, working himself into a full blown freak out.

Why couldn't he remember? Even though he wasn't an angel anymore he should still have remembered, right?

His mind was the same, he remembered everything - he knew all the prophets names, all the other angels names, every name of every city on earth… but he couldn't remember something as simple as a dream?

Gabriel jumped suddenly when there were large, strong hand grabbing his shoulders and he blinked up in surprise at Dean’s face.

“Calm down, breathe. Try to think, dude. What did he say in your dream?” Dean said calmly but sternly, and Gabriel felt his pride recoil from being coddled. He frowned, pressing his lips together as he thought. What did Crowley say in his dream?

“Uh - y-you’re with them, I want them, show me.” Gabriel stammered out, like his own mouth didn't want him to remember what Crowley had said to him. Dean nodded, sucking in a breath.

“Did he say who _them_ are?”

“No - but that's what I mean he, he wanted something. But I can't remember what?” Gabriel looked up at Dean, wondering for the first time if Sam and Castiel were even still _alive_.

“I think he's about to get it.” Dean growled, letting go of Gabriel's shoulders. Gabriel blinked, turning towards the direction Dean walked to. The hunter was looking over the table, trying to find something. “Son of a bitch, Sam must have taken her.”

“Are you referring to the car?” Gabriel asked in bewilderment, only slightly amused that Dean called his car a girl. Dean nodded, running a hand through his hair. He looked back to Gabriel, biting his lip, before saying,

“We're gonna have to steal one.” He said like it was easy, and Gabriel didn't protest.

He didn't care as long as they got Sam and Castiel away from that demon as fast as possible.


	32. War And Conflict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's POV
> 
>  
> 
> ~~~~~~~
> 
> This is the last chapter going back in time.   
> I added a lot of new angels here, but don't worry. They're just here for plot - some might show up later in the other fics but they will not be main characters.

"You... want to know about the war in Heaven?" Castiel asked blankly, blinking at Sam in confusion. The younger Winchester was looking guilty and sheepish for asking, but he wasn't backing down. After they'd driven about a mile away from the motel, Sam had slowed down and pulled the car over to the side of the road.

He'd asked about the war the second they'd parked, Sam not bothering with his salad in favor of talking. Castiel didn't know why Sam wanted to know about the war, or really, why he cared. Dean didn't seem to, no matter how hard Castiel had tried to explain it to him.

Sam hadn't pushed the topic before, hadn't show any interest - maybe mild consideration, but never anything more. It wasn't that surprising that Castiel would be confused, but he supposed Sam had expected it to be easy. To just get the information without any real reaction from Castiel. Or maybe he didn't, Castiel didn't know.

"If that's okay? The way you were talking about this war it just... seems more important than what Dean puts it off as." Sam said, his hands dropping off and away from ten stealing wheel.

Oh. Maybe he hadn't known before how big it was? Only just now realizing since Castiel had spoken to him directly about it. Castiel tipped his head, staring at his legs as he thought.

He didn't know what relevance it would have now, how it would help their problems. It would most likely end up being too much to worry about with everything else. But Sam was genuinely interested, and Castiel had been itching to talk about what had been happening for a while now.

Having the war going on was hard, but not talking about it? It was, as Dean would have put it, "driving him crazy". Sighing softly, Castiel turned his face towards Sam once again and gave him a hard stare.

"What is it you want to know?"

"I-" Sam bumbled, seeming surprised at the question, but then he tightened his jaw and swallowed. "Who's fighting? Who're you fighting against?"

"The remaining Archangels are who are fighting against. We are a regimen of angels who don't believe that the Archangels should be in power. Common angels, trying to keep humanity safe from what they could do." Castiel said and Sam stiffened, swallowing thickly.

"A civil war." He said and Castiel nodded.

"Yes. There aren't many Archangels we're fighting against, but they have more soldiers at their sides. Raphael, Uriel, and Saraquael are the Archangels in power right now. Raphael and Uriel, we believe, are behind most of the coordination and main orders. Every time someone strikes it was planned by either Raphael or Uriel, or possibly both."

"Hang on - there's _another_ Archangel? Who's Saraquael?"

"There are more than just three, Sam. There are the original Seven Archangels, who are Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, Saraquael, Raguel, and Ramiel. Ramiel was killed many years ago, Raguel is missing, Michael is in the cage, and Gabriel is fallen." Both Sam and Castiel flinched at the mention, and Castiel paused.

He wasn't sure if his description was right. He had fallen, but more that his grace had been stolen. He didn't like talking about it anymore than Sam liked to hear it, so he instead cleared his throat and continued.

"There then is Azrael, who I believe you know. He is technically an Archangel, however he is not considered part of the seven. He is the only separate Archangel and is one of the weakest. However he's still stronger than angels of my class. Saraquael is the main warrior on the Archangels side. I fought against him once." Sam's eyes widened in surprise, again, leaning back farther in his chair.

Castiel watched him for a moment, gauging his reaction. He knew Sam wanted to know but it didn't seem fair to put all of this on him at once. Not with the problems they were having. After a moment of silence where he was sure Sam wouldn't talk, Castiel started up again.

"He is a formidable foe. Thankfully you have not met him."

"I'm glad I haven't. Where're you in the war? Are you winning?" Sam asked with hope and Castiel almost didn't want to tell him.

Tell him that no, he wasn't winning, in fact they were almost out of the war already. And he really should be fighting now, but he couldn't, not when both Dean and Sam needed him here. He also needed to fix his mistake. Finally Castiel shook his had, looking away.

"No." Was all he said, and he didn't have to watch the way Sam's face fell. He kept his eyes on the dashboard, staring at it hard. There was silence, a long, stretching moment, before Sam let out a shakes laugh.

"I'm sure you'll be alright."

"So optimistic, Moose." A deep voice said from the back seat, and Castiel whipped his head up as he recognized it. There was a gasp from Sam and he pushed himself away from the intruder, but Castiel didn't.

Instead he had his angel blade out and ready long before Sam had even startled. Crowley smirked at him when he held it up, looking at it as if it was nothing more than a toothpick.

"So hostile." Crowley laughed, flattening his suit jacket and Castiel growled, making a move at him. He pressed, swiping down at the demons chest but Crowley snapped his fingers and as gone.

Castiel couldn't stop himself thought, the moment of his swipe carrying him until he ended up face first into the middle of the car, his blade imbedded deep within the leather seat.

He had a fleeting thought of how mad Dean would be that his 'baby' got hurt, but that lasted only until he felt Sam grab his trench coat.

"Cas!" Sam shouted, and he was pulled back up into a sitting position. The blade went with him and he was thankful for that. Castiel turned, hand on the door and ready to leave but suddenly Crowley appeared in the back seat again.

"Now, now, now, that's no way to treat a guest." He purred, before he frowned hard and looked ready to kill Castiel.

But this time Castiel reused to led Crowley get the better of him, and he concentrated for a moment until he too was sitting in the back of the seat. Castiel pressed his blade to Crowley's throat and Crowley startled, surprised.

"Kinky. But we can't have that, Cas. Takes all the fun out of it!" Castiel turned his head in confusion, but then there was a Yelp from the front seat and he turned in time to see Sam being pulled out of the car by two black eyed demons. Castiel hadn't even heard the door open.

He opened his mouth, a threat on the tip of his tongue, but it came out as an Enchain curse when the door behind him opened and he was dragged roughly from the car. A laugh, and a shout of pain, and then Castiel was pressed into the ground by six demons.

He thrashed, trying to dislodge them, but together they were too strong and he growled as they slammed his head against the ground. There were footsteps, slowly, uncaring as they moved closer to him.

Then, out of his peripheral vision Castiel saw it - Crowley's shoes. Suddenly, he realized, this was so much like before when he'd been almost dead. He doubted it was coincidence.

"This will keep you from struggling on the way back." Crowley said, and Castiel only had time to hiss out 'where' before there was a sharp sting in his neck as Crowley pressed a needle into his skin.

His mind raced, calaloging what was suddenly coursing through his vessels body, and he realized in fear it was a spell. A weakening spell for angels.

"Damn you!" Castiel snapped, but it had little bite to it, the liquid already taking its toll. Crowley snickered and then he was suddenly in front of him. _How had he gotten there? Did he teleport? No_ , Castiel told himself. _Your mind just didn't catch up yet._

"What did you do to him!" Came Sam's angry voice, and Crowley looked up, but his face was distorted. Warped. Everything was. And sounds, they seemed far away.

It felt unreal as Crowley shouted something back at Sam. He knew he would pass out before he did, but he couldn't do anything to fight it. He let out a gurgle of anger, and Crowley was gone - maybe?

"Next time just _let_ me kill you?" Crowley's voice echoed in his ears, and then a sharp pain snapped across his face and he was lost to the darkness.


	33. And The Wall Came Tumbling Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's POV
> 
>  
> 
> ~~~~~~~~
> 
> well... I never said he wouldn't go crazy, I just said it didn't happen yet

Sam woke slowly, darkness keeping him under for what felt like years, thought probably was no more than an hour or so. His conciseness drifted back and forth, sometimes letting him almost wake up fully before it faded and he was out again soon after.

Sometimes he would get a fragment, a little hint of what was going on in the waking world - a word, a color, a flash of light. But that soon was hushed as his mind recoiled back into an uneasy sleep. Finally his mind did came back to him, and he let memories wash over him as his senses began to recover.

The first thing Sam remembered was Crowley, and panic came with that. Bits and pieces flashed before him until the puzzle pieces fell together and he was looking at the whole picture. Crowley had kidnaped him and Castiel, drugged the angel with something that Sam didn't recognize, and Sam had watched in horror as Crowley kicked Castiel in the face before he too was struck and had blacked out.

His head burned, a reminder of just how hard they'd hit him, and Sam bit back a groan. Sam's back was cold and sore, and when he shifted he could feel tight bonds on his arms and legs. The room was chilled, a draft ruffling his hair and he cracked an eye open sluggishly.

The room was dark, almost too dark to see, but he could just make out the outlines of furniture that littered the room. There was a musty smell around him and Sam wrinkled his nose against the stench, forcing down his nausea as his mind cleared farther. He shifted again, rolling over onto his stomach fully as he pulled on the bonds holding his arms together.

They didn't budge, the scratch from them hurting his wrists instead and he grunted angrily. He didn't know where he was, and for once he couldn't find that he cared. Not as much as what had happened to Castiel, or why he'd been taken. The way he'd seen Castiel's eyes dim and fade as Crowley laughed had made Sam sick.

The fear that Crowley had killed Castiel was still burning away at his mind and he pushed himself up weakly, coming to sit in a kneeling position. He looked around again, trying to find a door. But there wasn't one, the walls instead simply solid brick and no opening for him to free himself. He squinted in the darkness as he noticed something on the walls.

What... he gasped, eyes widening comically as he recognized them. Warding - angel warding, painted in long solid strokes in some kind of thick, red liquid. Sam swallowed. If there are angel warding marks on the walls, Sam thought, then either Castiel got away and they don't want him getting to me, or he's still captured and he's in here too.

Again, Sam scanned the room, looking for any trace of Castiel. A stool, a tool box, a table, a cart - sharp, metallic instruments glinting in the dim light on top of it, the same red liquid crusted thick to the handles and blades - and last a large, plush chair with a strange pinkish-red substance covering it fully.

Sam frowned, Castiel wasn't there. Where was he? Had they killed him? Then what, he wondered, was the warding for? Or rather, who. Maybe - Sam froze, his eyes landing on a small, dark mass behind the pink-covered chair. It was curled up, tucked up hard against the chair, a light brown coat covering its body.

"Cas," Sam signed out, pushing himself forwards in a half-crawl, half-wiggle across the dirty floor.

Again, the breeze came, sending a shiver down Sam's back but he ignored it in favor of reaching the angel. His knees, head, and stomach all protested his movements but those too he ignored. Pain he could deal with - he knew pain.

He had to see if Castiel was okay though, mentally cursing himself as he moved. It had been his brilliant idea to bring Castiel out of the safety of the motel, away from Dean and Gabriel, and right - unknown to him - into the clutches of Crowley.

Had the demon simply been waiting for a screw up like this? This was his fault; his fault he and Castiel were captured, and if Cas was dead then, that too, was on him. He couldn't stand another friend's blood on his hands.

Wouldn't stand it. So he crawled, finally coming to a stop in front of Castiel behind the chair. The angel's face was covered in shadow, but Sam could still make out his features, and he bumped Castiel with his knee when he saw his eyes closed.

"Cas." He repeated, holding his breath. Slowly, as if he was waking from a dream, Castiel opened his eyes. Sam signed, relieved, but it didn't last long when he saw the shadow in them.

They were fogged, darkened, not fully conscious yet and Sam didn't have to be a genius or an angel to realize the drug was still effecting him. Unlike himself, Castiel didn't have his arms or legs bound - Crowley must have been expecting the drugs to last this long.

He wouldn't have risked Castiel's escape if hadn't been. Sam pulled on his own bonds again, trying uselessly to free himself to help the angel. It did no good, and he let out an exasperated breath and twisted himself to try and catch Castiel's eyes.

"Cas? You with me?"

"Nnngh... the - the spell, strong. Still... potent." Castiel croaked out, and Sam sighed in relief. At least he wasn't entirely unconscious. Sam shook his head, trying to get his hair out of his face, and he turned his body again.

"Do you think you're strong enough to get these off?" Sam asked him, his eyes locked on the room around them, scanning for any sign of the demons.

There was none, thankfully, but he didn't take his eyes off of the room. Castiel made an indistinguishable noise, and Sam felt a light pressure on his wrist. Castiel pulled, tugging at the rope weakly. Suddenly the image of Castiel lying out on the motel bed, bleeding out and dying, hit him like a train to the face.

He clenched his jaw. He wouldn't let that happen again - if not simply for himself, to keep his friend safe, then for Dean. Shit, _Dean_.

Dean hadn't been awake when he'd left, only Gabriel had been. Had Gabriel told him where they'd gone? Would Dean be looking for them? Shit. This was bad. He'd taken the car too - he hadn't expected on being kidnapped, exactly. How would Dean even find them? What if he wasn't looking?

"Shit." Sam cursed aloud, and Castiel made a noise, and then the ropes slipped down and off of his wrists. Instantly Sam pulled them forwards, rubbing his tender wrists as he turned back to Castiel.

Again he looked him over, placing a gentle hand to his shoulder. Castiel's head rolled back, hitting the gross chair with a solid 'thunk'.

"You okay?" Sam questioned, feeling just a little bit useless. Castiel grunted.

"For the moment," Castiel slurred, "no. I think - think it's... wearing off. Can't use my - my grace. Cut off. Again. Too weak."

Sam felt his heat clench and he nodded sadly, biting his lip. This wasn't good. Now that his hands were free, he could destroy the warding on the walls - but Cas was too weak, the spell still too strong in his system. He couldn't fight his way out, not if he had to take Castiel - limp and weak - with him.

And since there was no way in hell he was leaving him behind, he had almost no choice but to wait it out. He sighed, rolling back into his ass as he tugged the rope off of his ankles with practiced ease. Sam tensed, a sudden whoosh of air making him freeze. Oh no.

"Boys?" A deep, mock innocent voice echoed from across the room as a sudden menacing presence descended on the small, dark room. _Shit_. "Playing hard to get?" Crowley drawled, and Sam could almost see his smirk from behind the chair. He took a deep breath, ignoring the half conscious worried look Castiel sent his way. 

"Hardly." Sam ground out, standing from behind the chair. He had to keep Crowley from Cas - at any cost. 

"You've untied yourself." Crowley said, looking surprised. Sam ignored him. Instead, his eyes went to the cart, looking at the assortment of sharp weapons.

Crowley was a demon, but if he managed to get him in the eyes with one of those it would stall him for a bit. If he could just reach them - he'd have to keep Crowley talking. 

"What do you want?" Sam snapped, walking slowly, Crowley matching his pace in a half circle around him. Crowley snorted, twirling an angel blade in his grasp like it was a baton. 

"What don't I want?" The demon asked, "I want a lot of things."

"Why did you kidnap us?" Just a little closer.

"Why? Didn't Castiel tell you?"

"Enlighten me." Almost.

"You boys got in my way." Crowley growled out, and Sam didn't wait to hear what he said next, snatching a long, steel poker from the table and jabbing it out at Crowley's head.

Crowley dodged it, his hand snapping up and catching his wrist with a little laugh and a smirk. Sam grunted, pulling on his arm hard but did nothing to loosen the hold.

Instead he dropped the poker, catching it in his other hand and he tried for another shot. Crowley caught that hand too, squeezing so hard Sam cried out and dropped it, falling to his knees. Crowley laughed, his face coming even with Sam's own. 

"What did you expect to do with that?" Crowley asked incredulously, and Sam snarled, spitting at his face. 

" _Fuck you_." He snapped, and Crowley sighed, his grip tightening and Sam grunted in pain. He was going to break his wrists. Suddenly though a look of surprise flittered across Crowley's face, and Sam froze, confused.

What?

"Well, well, well. Look what we have here." Crowley grinned wolfishly, and Sam swallowed hard. "Who would have guessed Death would help a Winchester?" 

_What?  
_

"What the hell are you-" Crowley cut him off, letting one of his hands go and he placed two fingers gently to Sam's forehead. Sam froze, terror shooting through him like a sharp punch.

He didn't know what Crowley was doing, but it felt wrong, and something urged him to run, to prevent it. Sam pulled uselessly, his free hand clawing at Crowley's wrist, but to no avail. The demon simply smiled, eyes shining mischievously. 

"I wonder what would happen if I did _this?_ " 

Fire erupted in Sam's head, an invisible force pressing into his mind sharply, and he felt something break. His mind went blank, empty, beautiful peace covering him for a quiet moment as he stared blankly at Crowley.

Then he screamed.


	34. Speed Limit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's POV
> 
>  
> 
> ~~~~~
> 
> Sorry this one was so short - but at least I'm updating again! I've been really sick lately, and when I finally got better there were three birthdays in a row :P Hopefully I'll be updating more, faster, now UwU

Fear. Dean knew what fear was. He was well versed in it, knew what it felt like. Hell, he’d made other people fear him more than once. Yet, never before had Dean felt the fear he did now, sitting in the car beside Gabriel, driving well over the speed limit trying to reach his brother and Cas. His hands were shaking, even as they held on so tightly to the steering wheel that his knuckles were almost entirely white. 

And all the while the only thing he could think of was Sam, and Cas, dead. Or dying. He clenched his jaw, teeth grinding against each other as he forced himself to stop thinking. Stop thinking about what could be happening, or what had happened, or what might happen when he got there or - Dean shook his head, pressing harder on the gas as he did. 

He needed a clear head, especially right now - it wouldn’t do anyone good if he freaked out at the first sign of trouble. But shit, it was hard not to think about the bad things. Because they were all so possible, all so realistic that it was almost like they’d already happened. God, Dean was mad. He was so mad, at himself, at Sam, at Gabriel, at Cas. At Crowley. At everything. He wanted to punch something, or someone. 

And it didn’t help that Gabriel looked like he was freaking out. And, not in the same way Dean was. More in the sense of coming unhinged, his mind slipping off somewhere. Dean guessed that everything that had happened lately had just taken it’s toll, and with the added surprise of Crowley apparently wanting something from him he wasn’t sure he was all that surprised. But it was unsettling, the way Gabriel looked - acted. 

Back at the motel he’d looked so scared that it’d almost shocked Dean into silence. But, as it always did, the need to get to his brother had outweighed any sense of gentleness he might of had for Gabriel and he’d plowed right on through to what he needed to know. Now, beside him, Gabriel was holding his shirt in a tight, vice-like grip and his face was pale. So pale he looked like he was going to throw up at any second, and Dean didn’t blame him. 

He was sure that after this was all said and done he was going to have a massive adrenaline crash. But that would have to wait. Now, he had to get to Sam and Castiel, and he wasn’t going to let himself think about anything. Or, try not to. He glanced down at his hands, watching as they trembled against the leather of the steering wheel - anger and fear making him told on even tighter. 

He needed to hurry up. Anything could be happening right now. He wouldn’t - didn’t - have any way of figuring out what was going on with them right now. Dean just had to hope that Crowley was so needy for whatever he wanted that he wouldn’t hurt them, at least, not before Dean was there to stop him. Clenching his jaw so hard it hurt, Dean slammed his foot on the gas until the car couldn’t go any faster. 

 

\-------

 

“That’s it, right?” Gabriel asks, his voice quiet yet angry, and Dean nods his agreement.

“Yeah.” He says, turning off the car with a careful flick of his wrists. The building, the warehouse, is old. Most likely had been abandoned for over five years by the looks of it, and Dean wasn’t sure how it hadn’t fallen down yet. 

Beside him Gabriel nodded, his hand clenching the door handle and Dean had to stop himself from cursing Crowley’s name. Instead, he opened his own door and stepped out into the damp, wet air around the shed. The air smelled wrong, dirty. It was musty, damp and mold filled, the light twang of rust hinting the air as the wind blew. He sucked in a deep breath of it and thought, a touch of amusement creeping in on him,  _ it’s always places like this that end up being a hideout. _

If he had been with anyone else, Sam or Cas or Bobby, Dean would have said that out loud. But now, with Gabriel here, it felt insensitive. Given the situation, Dean felt bad just for thinking it. With a deep, calming breath he moved to the trunk of the car and started to unload weapons. 

Gabriel came up beside him, peering into the trunk with barely concealed interest. Dean didn’t blame him. He  _ did  _ have half an arsenal inside his trunk, as it was. Dean used to be surprised by it too. He startled, gun in his hand, when Gabriel tapped his arm. The ex-angel was looking heatedly at the weapons in front of him. 

“Do I get one?” He asks, and Dean almost laughs. 

“You aren’t going in there without a weapon, dude.” Dean pauses, thinking for a moment, before adding, “None of these will actually kill Crowley. Just slow him down. To kill him we need to use the-”

“Demon knife, I know, Dean. I might be human but I can recognize it when I see it.” Gabriel gestured to the knife, which was sitting to the far left of the trunk, almost covered by another gun. Dean nodded, snatching it up out of the trunk and quickly tucking it away down into his pants. 

The gun he still held he passed to Gabriel, who took it without a moment of hesitation. Dean hadn’t know what he’d expected - maybe for him to be tentative, careful about it as Castiel had been. 

But Gabriel was just ready to get into the fight right now, and Dean guessed that if Dean were to point him in the right direction Gabriel would go on a warpath until he found the others. Dean sucked in a breath, closing his eyes to focus himself. Beside him Gabriel messed with the gun, checking if it was loaded and such, and Dean gripped the knife on his hip hard. This was it. Time to get his brother back. 

“Come on.” Dean grunted, slamming the trunk shut and turning in one swift motion. He didn’t wait for Gabriel, knew he would start following after him, and instead he headed towards the warehouse’s front doors. 

They were large and metal, rust and paint mixing so you couldn’t tell what color it had originally been. When Dean pressed his fingers to the rough surface of the door handle, the door swung open with a screech and he shot a look to Gabriel. The blond’s eyes narrowed and he squared his shoulders. Dean lead the way, carefully maneuvering through the dark of the warehouse as he sought out both Crowley and the others. 

All the while Gabriel was holding the gun up like he was ready to kill something right then and there. Dean supposed he was. It was okay, Dean was too. After Dean took a sharp turn, he froze, his blood going cold as a blood curdling scream erupted from somewhere to his right.  _ That can’t be -  _ he thought, but cut himself off when it echoed again across the halls and Dean cursed sharp in his mouth, breaking out into a run. 

“Sam?!” He screamed, drawing the demon knife as his eyes scanned for any sign of his brother. But everything looked the same, every turn, every door. And Sam’s scream was echoing, and he couldn’t place it’s location. 

_ Shit _ . He growled, slamming his fist against a wall, panting from exertion. Sam could be dying and Dean couldn’t even find his way to him. This was useless, running like this, but he couldn’t stop himself. He had to find Sam. 

“Dean.” Gabriel spoke up, startling Dean, who’d forgotten he was there for a minute. “He’s using warding spells. To trick us. There’s probably a door in the wall somewhere.”    


“Door in a wall-?” Dean started, but he didn’t finish his sentence as Sam’s scream came again and cut off his words. 

His face drained of color, and he let out a broken wheeze into the hall. Gabriel visibly flinched. When it died down again, Gabriel grabbed Dean’s arm and tugged him down the hallway again. He seemed to be looking for something, and for once Dean felt no urge to question him. 

If Gabriel thought he could do this, then Dean would trust him. For Sam and Cas, hell, Dean would trust a demon. Slowly, Gabriel came to a stop in front of part of the wall, and Dean eyed it suspiciously. 

“Door?” He asked, and Gabriel nodded. “How can you tell?”

“There’s warding near here.” Gabriel pointed across the hall, to deep red symbols painted into the wall. Dean blinked, surprised he hadn’t noticed those before. But it only lasted a moment, before Dean was pressing his fingers into Gabriel’s shoulder. 

“Can you get us in?” 

“If I can find the doorknob, yeah.” At any other time that would be funny, but Dean took it seriously and let Gabriel go as the ex-angel started to pat the wall in front of him. After a moment of nothing else Gabriel let out a pleased noise, and then he tugged at an invisible force and the wall before them opened up into a room. 

As soon as the walls were open, Dean could see the doors, and he was thankful now that he’d brought Gabriel with him. Then Gabriel gasped, stumbling back and Dean felt like something in his chest had been ripped out. Before them, Sam lay, his body in a tightly wound ball as he screamed into the bloody floor. 

Crowley stood beside him, an intrigued expression on his face as he watched Sam like he was a science project. Castiel was nowhere to be seen. At Gabriel’s gasp, Crowley looked up, and he smiled when he saw them. 

“Hello. It took you long enough.” 


	35. Burn Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's POV
> 
>  
> 
> ~~~~~~
> 
> you didn't think i'd leave this the way it was did you?  
> i added some of my own art for this chapter by the way, so expect that within here  
> you can also find the picture here:  
> http://dirkygoodness.deviantart.com/art/Don-t-Fucking-Touch-Him-605464789?ga_submit_new=10%253A1461716879

Castiel knew Dean and Gabriel were near before they entered the room. He could feel it, vaguely, like looking through a stained glass window. He also knew something was wrong with Sam, but that was more from the fact that he could hear his screams more than feel anything special.

He should know what was going on, he _knew_ he should know, but Castiel couldn’t focus on anything. It was like trying to read after getting flashbanged - you knew there was something there, but you couldn’t tell _what_ it was. Castiel could feel his grace, just out of reach, but - he couldn't access it. This was worse than when he’d depleted himself - because he knew there was still power there, it was just being kept from him.

Not to mention that it felt entirely wrong. But he could tell Gabriel and Dean were there, and that gave him what he was going to assume was hope. But, not much. He wasn’t sure how long it had been since he realized they were there to the point where he could hear Crowley speak. He could hardly see anything with his mortal eyes, and he could only just sense things with his celestial being.

Yet he forced himself to at least listen to their words, if nothing else. They were talking to each other - roughly, angered. Castiel gripped the ground underneath him, grounding himself to the hear and now, forcing himself to listen. To try and understand what they were saying.

“What did you do to him?” Came a rough, furious voice - easily identified as Dean.

Castiel knew Dean was worried - could hear the tremor in his voice, but if that was due to him knowing _Dean_ or simply knowing to look for it, he wasn’t sure. A scoff, low and vaguely detached, and Castiel didn’t have to wait for it to speak to know it belonged to Crowley. 

“I should be asking you the same,” Came the demon’s curt reply, followed quickly by a throaty chuckle. “Really Dean? Consorting with Death, of all people? Don’t you know he kills?” 

“What did you do?” Dean hissed, slower, more controlled. There was a noise, like a rustle of fabric, maybe, and then a dull thud. Sam started screaming again.

“Stop you bastard!” Came a sharp, higher pitched voice, yet it held dark promise and Castiel knew it belonged to Gabriel. Another laugh, and more rustling, but Sam quieted down - Castiel could only hope that Gabriel had succeeded in staving off Crowley’s interest for now.

He chastised himself, wishing he could bring himself to get up, to help the others - but he couldn’t even make out the difference between the wall and the floor yet. It was getting better, he was pretty sure he knew where the chair was in relevance to him, but he needed time. Time they most certainly didn’t have - unless Dean managed to - somehow - talk his way out of this. 

“Alright. It’s not like I was planning on using him anyway. He’s just so I can get to you.” Crowley chuckled, Dean growled, stepping forwards loudly.

“What do you want?”

“Well, I was originally just wanting _him_ -” Crowley says, more rustling fabric, and Castiel thinks he can make out the different digits of his hand. 

“Me?” Gabriel asks, bewildered. 

“-But then _you two_ had to find him, and Castiel just ruined the plan _altogether_ , so my plan turned into more of an assassination attempt, really.” Crowley keeps talking like Gabriel had never spoken, and he hears Dean start to talk, but he’s cut off with a hiss from Crowley and then there’s a solid noise - Castiel doesn’t have to see it to know that Dean’s just gotten thrown up against a wall.

Gabriel shouts, angry, but it’s cut off too. There’s a choking sound, like Gabriel is gagging, trying to breathe, and Castiel feels rage boil in his stomach.

“I’ll get to you in a moment.” Crowley snaps, and Gabriel screams as he’s sent into a wall as well.

Castiel closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, and pushing with all his might against his grace, trying desperately to tap into it. To access it, to _use it_. But it feels like pressing against a brick wall, nothing is giving - and he can hear noises, Crowley is moving to Dean. Castiel’s not an idiot, he knows Crowley wants to kill them.

He’d practically said so just a minute ago. Something dark, sickly grows in Castiel’s stomach at the thought that Dean would die, and that he could do nothing to help. So Castiel grunts, and pushes so hard he thinks he’s hurting himself, and when the wall breaks his eyes start burning with the light that’s rising to the surface.

He moves, swift and angered, his mind running on autopilot. In the span of a second, he scans the entire room categorizing everything around himself. Sam, curled up, is laying in the middle of the room, utterly terrified.

Gabriel is against the wall to the right, thrown against it, and he looks faint - his head bleeding steadily. Crowley is moving to Dean, who’s trapped against the wall by the demon, struggling against his invisible bonds, but he’s not getting anywhere.

Near Sam there’s a discarded angel blade, shining with slight tints of blood already, and Castiel thinks he knows what Castiel had tried to do to Sam. But he can’t really _think_ right now, and he just _does._ Castiel grabs the blade, barely registers the shout from Gabriel - something that sounds like his name, before he’s buried the blade through Crowley’s chest with a snarl. 

 

    

 

“Don’t fucking touch him.” Castiel purrs out, voice low and dark, and Crowley gasps, gags, and stumbles forwards as Castiel releases the angel blade. Then, just as fast as it happened, Castiel’s power is seeping away, and the drugs power is coming back full force.

He managed to stop it for a time, yes, but he doesn’t have the strength to hold it off forever - not now. He stumbles, his body teetering, careening, and his eyes are dulling, the light from before almost entirely gone now. Castiel knows he’s going to black out long before he does it. 

“You _bitch_ .” Crowley shouts, before he’s gone, nothing of his presence left but his blood, and Dean’s landing on the ground, shouting. 

“Cas!” He hears, just barely, through the fog that’s got him, and then he’s falling to the ground. The impact he expects never comes however, and Castiel gets a glimpse of Dean’s worried face just before he  faints.


End file.
